How to Repel a Man faster than Raid on Bugs

YOU DID WHAT???
From today's emailbag:

"Geez, I thought I played this one right. I never once called him. I waited forever to reply to his emails and just sent snippets. I didn't sleep with him for months. I sometimes wasn't available when he wanted to go out. I made it as hard for him as I could cuz I was really crazy about him. I gave him one and only one phone number, though he asked for more, and tried to reach me via email and fb too. Then he did the "need space" s***. Said he wanted to stay in touch. Said he'd call, hasn't. Did I do something wrong??"

Puzzled

Dear Puzzled:

Okay, ante-up here. Did you drunk dial/txt?
Susan

Reply:

How did you know?

LADIES, this is the #1 thing to AVOID when he's gone off to get his space, or recover from how crazy he got in love with you, or whatever else he's doing. As Coastal Guy writes in his great little article -- PLEASE AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO DRUKNK-DIAL, DRUNK-TEXT. NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT. EVER. I'm putting that big and bold. We've all done it -- once. If you've done it, then you know. If you haven't, please take the word of those who have.

And it's the thing you want to do the most when you're in pain -- and yes, this is suffering - when you fell in love, and he fell off the planet. My best suggestion is get a Wing Buddy - and that's a coach. I have done this for many men and women. I will tell you how to avoid this drunk/---ing, and be there for you when you just must. (Can't tell you the drunk-dials I've taken, to save people from self-sabotaging.) So call me at 817-734-1471, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and sign up for coaching. Long-distance is fine. If you're in the DC area, we can meet in my office.

Now some tips from this article, by a guy, about when a guy's not calling you. For the full article, go here.

GOOD DATING (from the guy's point of view):

One contact number. If you give him fb, home phone and cell and work ... you get it. You look desperate.

LADIES, NOTE: THIS 'APPEARING DESPERATE' IS A REAL BIG TURNOFF FOR MEN. Just about anything -- real or unreal -- can signal it, so call me for coaching is you've got one you're desperate for, LOL.

Because HERE'S THE POINT. Men and women are different (you heard it first here). We women are highly selective, and so when we finally meet a man we could love (out of the 100 we've already rejected this year), we ARE the famous for "appearing desperate" to the man. Men are wired differently.

For instance I've coached lots of women who made the mistake of hopping right into bed with this one man they've met they could truly love, after the 100 they've rejected, and the man says, "You're very sexy." Not knowing it's strictly your response to him, and how you are with him.

That having been said, GET A WING BUDDY. Set up a coaching contract with me. It could save your relationship.

Other tidbits:

-- If you just met him and gave him your number and he's not calling, process the interaction. Call me and we'll go over it. He coulda been being polite; he coulda been drunk. Gotta know this!

-- If it's new and he hasn't called and you want to use the techno-vine, just do it once. One phone call. One fb. As our writer writes, more than that "is overkill and repels men faster than Raid on bugs."

-- Do flirty little messages. They like the fantasy/projection. Your therapist may get a fast heart-beat listening to MORE THAN THAT, but early dating is about fun! Quick chat on phone, if he calls, ending with "Oops, gotta go!" Chirp like a little songbird!

Now, straight from the guy's writing:

Step 6 The trick to waiting for a phone call is to not wait. Don't play that game. You have a life to live. Live it! The more you have going for you; the more "in demand" you are with other friends and social events, only makes you more attractive. Which leads to --

Step 7 Men generally want what we can't have. We're wired to want more and are never satisfied with what we already have. True, make yourself available, just not too available. Mentally turn the tables around. If he does call you back, wait a day or so to return his call.

Step 8 If he doesn't call you back, don't get mad; get even. Go out and meet someone who's worthy of your time. Best of luck!

You already know, if you've read my stuff, that we NEVER return an email or phone call in less than 24 hours. Right? Got it?

Email me for "the rules." Mention this blog article and I'll send them to you free.

Susan Dunn, Dating Coach