Nigerian Romance Scammers and online dating

I have been researching the Nigerian Dating Scammers. This gets more prevalent every day, and numerous women are scammed by these experts. As a Dating Coach, I have received questions about this. If you have a specific one, please feel free to forward it to me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

This is about onling dating safety at a new level. Many American woman have fallen prey to these Nigerian Romance Scammers who apparently operate out of Internet cafes, and will be corresponding with many women at the same time.

The ones who are good at it, and can really get money out of U. S. women are very psychologically astute.

They also know exactly what women want to hear, or at least the kind of woman who is likely to send them money to help. I'll let you connect the dots on that one.

Here are some of the things to know, and some of their favorite phrases:
Am here instead of I am here.
Talking about wife and marriage almost immediately (no committment phobia here, LOL)
Their favorite soccer team will be Manchester United
They are recently widowed (rarely divorced)
They have one child.
They will ask you to get on yahoo IM almost immediately
They are working on a "project"
They will claim to be from some town in the US - Chicago, Hickory, N.C., whatever
They will seem too good to be true, particularly in the things they say that all women want to hear - such as "I will never leave you," and "I will always be here for you/"
They use broken English, can't spell, and more than that, the cadence is all wrong. There are plenty of American guy who can't spell, but they still sound American.
Whatever online dating site they were on, they will immediately disappear from the site
They will usually have an American-sounding name but it will be 'off,' such as George Washington, Micheal Westbrookes, Jefferson William, Kevins William, and so forth
They will send poetry usually to your email, not IM, probably because of the pasting and copying. If you google the poetry, you will find it online.
They will not know anything about the town they claim to live in, i.e., one client asked the guy, who claimed to be from Chicago, about the "wolves" in front of the Art Museum. He made no comment. (They are LIONS, not wolves, as everyone knows who's been to Chicago.)
Often when asked a question they will not reply. If pressed, they will "brb" or will go offline, claiming they were booted off
They will almost immediately head to Malaysia, Ghana, or Nigeria for their "project"
or for the death of a relative, or for both
"Liver transplants" among relatives is common
Sometimes for a question, they will take a long time or "brb" in order to look it up online and then will return with the correct answer
Will ask to send you flowers, in order to get your address

Then the requests for money or equipment (cell phone, laptop) will begin. y will ask you to wire money, and there is no way to get this money back and that's why they do it.

Stay tuned for more, and take care of yourself.

Susan Dunn, Dating Coach

Writing the Online Dating Profile

Writing your online profile on a dating site is extremely important. It surprises me how little effort some people put in to. You have two chances to attract suitable partners: your photograph and your online dating profile. It's important to choose the right photographs, and it's equally important to have a well-written online dating profile that shows who you really are.

I'm going to give you an example of a good profile, and then an example of a bad profile, and then I'm going to critique them. I've worked with many, many people in the dating area, and have listened to what they have said.

What's the difference between a good one and a bad one?

Well, first of all I'm not grading these on whether or not I, personally, would like the person or like to date them. "There's a lid for every pot." Rather, I'm grading them on how well-written they are, and if they give a good starting picture of what the person is like. After all, that's what dating is all about.

That having been said, there are certain rules. Regardless of how you might feel about it, the most important thing - says the research - is that your grammar and spelling be correct. Therefore, you might want to consider hiring a Dating Coach to help you write your profile.

Most of us will forgive a misspelling, or a grammatical error, but still it halts you in your reading. It is considered a sign of intelligence. In that "like attracts like", you will be looking for someone who matches you in their ability to spell and form a sentence. And, after all, there's spell check. Just construct your profile in Word, check it, and then cut and paste. Writing your online profile is too important to leave to chance.

EXAMPLE OF GOOD PROFILE AND CRITIQUE

Are you my co-conspirator? Looking for someone to share the private, not always socially-acceptable adventure that makes this all worthwhile. You don’t need to agree with me or share my views. If you do, we might run out of things to talk about! The “conspiracy” is a blend of attraction, affection, and trust that is not in your face, but never too far from awareness. Distilled permanent infatuation….

CRITIQUE: When the person writes "distilled permanent infatuation," he is going way out there where only a few can follow. This helps him to eliminate at the starting gate. Pretty erudite statement. It's also attempt to describe "love" - so if you aren't the kind who likes to define things, you will know to pass on this guy. I thought when reading it that he was an engineer or IT person, and turns out he was. (Hey, I'm not the Dating Coach for nuthin'!)

At the same time, "co-conspirator" defines a certain type of love relationship, and they are not all the same (doh). This is not someone looking for that deep, intense, romantic connection. Nope. He wants to conspire, and to have fun. He wants someone who will have a private language with him, people-watch and chat about it, someone where it's "we two against the world" but yet, having fun.

He gets good marks for good grammar, good writing, and for giving a good picture of what he's like in just one paragraph. Writing your online profile is very important, and this gentleman did a good job at it.

Now let's look at a bad one.

BAD PROFILE AND CRITIQUE

To tell many good words about yourself is not very modest and I don't like doing it because people see us from another angel [sic] but I can say that I am purposeful and industrious and trying to be reasonable. I can't say that I am shy and modest but tactful. I can say I am down-to-earth, communicative person who adapts easily in new companies.

CRITIQUE: Well, this is very tortured writing - someone who has trouble coming up with words. And to use "angel" instead of "angle" in an online dating profile is really careless. "Trying to be reasonable" indicates to me that he isn't. It sounds like a divorced person who's said a thousand times to his spouse, "Be reasonable" -- and sure enough, he's divorced (not widowered). "Be reasonable" is asking someone to be logical and rational, and this rarely occurs in an argument -- or in love for that matter. Do you want someone so analytical? (Well that's personal choice.) Nevertheless, it is poorly written. More than that, it is poorly thought. I think this is a person who really struggles with expression, and expressive communication is very important in relationships. Why on earth would you say "in new companies"? Does he mean with new people? Or does he literally mean at work?

You be the judge.

If you are going online to date, consider letting me write your profile for you, or edit it, or help you with brainstorming. It's extremely important. Especially if yo're a guy, because woman like words as much as -- or more than -- the photo.

And ladies, you need help too. There are things you can write that really scare the guys off, and from my extensive experience, I can tell you what they are.

Contact me, Susan Dunn The Dating Coach, at sdunn@susandunn.cc .