Nigerian Romance Scammers and online dating

I have been researching the Nigerian Dating Scammers. This gets more prevalent every day, and numerous women are scammed by these experts. As a Dating Coach, I have received questions about this. If you have a specific one, please feel free to forward it to me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

This is about onling dating safety at a new level. Many American woman have fallen prey to these Nigerian Romance Scammers who apparently operate out of Internet cafes, and will be corresponding with many women at the same time.

The ones who are good at it, and can really get money out of U. S. women are very psychologically astute.

They also know exactly what women want to hear, or at least the kind of woman who is likely to send them money to help. I'll let you connect the dots on that one.

Here are some of the things to know, and some of their favorite phrases:
Am here instead of I am here.
Talking about wife and marriage almost immediately (no committment phobia here, LOL)
Their favorite soccer team will be Manchester United
They are recently widowed (rarely divorced)
They have one child.
They will ask you to get on yahoo IM almost immediately
They are working on a "project"
They will claim to be from some town in the US - Chicago, Hickory, N.C., whatever
They will seem too good to be true, particularly in the things they say that all women want to hear - such as "I will never leave you," and "I will always be here for you/"
They use broken English, can't spell, and more than that, the cadence is all wrong. There are plenty of American guy who can't spell, but they still sound American.
Whatever online dating site they were on, they will immediately disappear from the site
They will usually have an American-sounding name but it will be 'off,' such as George Washington, Micheal Westbrookes, Jefferson William, Kevins William, and so forth
They will send poetry usually to your email, not IM, probably because of the pasting and copying. If you google the poetry, you will find it online.
They will not know anything about the town they claim to live in, i.e., one client asked the guy, who claimed to be from Chicago, about the "wolves" in front of the Art Museum. He made no comment. (They are LIONS, not wolves, as everyone knows who's been to Chicago.)
Often when asked a question they will not reply. If pressed, they will "brb" or will go offline, claiming they were booted off
They will almost immediately head to Malaysia, Ghana, or Nigeria for their "project"
or for the death of a relative, or for both
"Liver transplants" among relatives is common
Sometimes for a question, they will take a long time or "brb" in order to look it up online and then will return with the correct answer
Will ask to send you flowers, in order to get your address

Then the requests for money or equipment (cell phone, laptop) will begin. y will ask you to wire money, and there is no way to get this money back and that's why they do it.

Stay tuned for more, and take care of yourself.

Susan Dunn, Dating Coach

About online dating sites and your profile

Online dating sites are becoming more popular all the time. Sites such as match.com and chemistry.com that allows all comers, and then the more specialized sites such as jdate, and seniorpeoplemeet, and loveand seek.

Everyone has less time to date these days, with jobs being more demanding, and commutes taking up more time. Therefore, we turn to the Internet dating sites to meet other like-minded individuals. As a Dating Coach, I repeatedly am asked, "But where can I meet someone? I'm too busy." Well, consider that others are feeling this way too.

If you are going to be on an Internet dating site, your profile, and your profile photo are key. Basically speaking, men are keyed into visuals, and the photo is most important. And women are keyed into words, so the written profile matters a lot.

There are certain things to keep in mind when writing a profile. First of all, let me recommend that you get a coach to help you write it. Yes, it's that complicated.

As a Dating Coach, I've perused thousands of profiles, and more than that, I've heard from hundreds of clients about what works and what doesn't.

Here are a few of the basics.

While you should feel free to show who you are, good grammar and spelling still count. Women, particularly, are turned off by poorly written profiles. This includes words that are misspelled, grammatical errors such as run-on sentences, and sentences where Every Word is Capitalized.

While you don't want to sound too stilted, you do want to sound like someone well enough educated to string together some correct sentences.

That having been said, we will all forgive the odd spelling and grammar mistake, and the obvious typo, if what the person says is engaging.

Most of all, we want to get a feel for what the person is like, to see if it's worth taking that next step and contacting them. We want to know what "compatibility" means to them -- and trust me, for each person it is different. While one man wants a hard-driving career woman for a partner, another man wants the traditional wife to stay home and keep his house for him while he works and is the sole provider. While one woman wants a serious engineer for a spouse, another thinks only a marketing person, or sales person is exciting and versatile enough. Don't be afraid to show who you are, and, just as importantly, to say what you are looking for.

Here are portions of some profiles that have gotten good reviews. Some I wrote for clients, and come they wrote themselves. See what you think, and feel free to share you thoughts. I also include many examples on my facebook site. Please invite me to be your friend on facebook.

EXAMPLES OF GOOD PROFILES:

45 y.o. m: Hi, Have you ever been so excited about something you couldnt contain yourself, so excited that you wanted to scream YEEEEAAAAHHH ... that is how excited I want to be about you!!!!.... I love all music from Metallica to The Cleaveland Symphony Orchestra, I walk/run 4 miles a dayl...I give a 100% and I want the same from you.. I believe in chemistry and I know what I like, You probably do too

‎21 y.o. male: Generally, I’ve always been a guy about breaking barriers and jumping out of my comfort zone and I’m looking for someone who’s likes to do the same. Staying positive is key: I love to be with people who can see the glass as half full, and extra points for a great smile, especially when dealing with my sarcasm! I love being around people and enjoy every chance to meet someone new,

21 y.o. female: I just moved to Maryland from Florida after graduating with my bachelors degree in Psychology. I hope to continue on to graduate school sometime soon but right now I'm concentrating on working. I find it a bit hard to describe myself, because honestly I'm a little bit of everything. That probably comes from living in a lot of different places because I'm an Air Force brat.

60 y.o. male: Four days a week, I am a practicing attorney and mediator, specializing in family law, who also manages real estate which I have acquired in the Historic District of Annapolis. In my spare time (which I hope to expand), I love taking trips to places near and far--including a lake house I own in New Hampshire. I also enjoy digital photography

50 y.o. male: My family comes first and is "everything to me". I would love to find that special someone who shares my view of the cosmos and with whom I can communicate in every way. That person would enjoy spending time with me and sharing all the wonderful things that life has to offer while, at the same time, retaining her own identity and not feeling compelled to abdicate

49 y.o. male: Anything in the mountains or by the water is enjoyable. I travel the globe as a function necessary for my chosen career and to name any one place would be difficult. I do enjoy Italy and Ireland but always enjoy coming home to refuel. I enjoy music from the fifties and sixties, big band sounds, the occasional opera. TV is reduced to Learning and Discovery Channels and football playoffs...

66 y.o. female: I don't say "friends first," because "friends" is something else. I need a man in my life who will txt or call me in the day to tell me what just happened at work, and check and see if I'm safe on the road, who loves life as I do, and loves to be in love. Someone I can't wait to see at the end of the day, can't wait to wake up to in the morning, & who feels the same way about me.

43 y.o. female: I admire and respect people who do good when no one is watching, who believe in paying it forward, who create happiness around them, have the courage to risk failure and rejection, and do not see the world as black or white. I enjoy creating a warm and happy home life for my man. I believe that life is about those small moments of magic....

If you'd like help writing a profile that works, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I offer dating coach to help you get out of the dating world and into the relationship you've longed for.

What American Men Can Learn from a Good Nigerian Romance Scammer

I'm currently working with a client who is plagued by Nigerian (presumably) Romance Scammers.

I've helped her identify them - and today alone, through match.com, she had 3 contacting her, and then a 4th via facebook. 2 of the ones from match.com were on her "daily match."

Surefire clues --

-- They want to go to yahoo IM immediately and have monikers like mikewest144.
-- You will find out right away that they are an "engineer"
-- They will mention they are either on their way to Nigeria or Malaysia or that they are already there

One of hers said he was coming back to America and could she meet him at the airport. "What airport?" she asked, and he replied, "O'Hare International Airport." When she lives in San Antonio, Texas.

-- They will say they are born in Europe, but live in the US, in some place they cannot tell you anything about. For instance, they live in San Antonio and you ask about the Alamo, and they change the subject
-- They do not answer your questions, they ask another one
-- They are incredible misfortunate - their child is sick (they are always a widower), they are in the hospital, their child is in the hospital, their mother is dying. They need money for this ... and then for the plane ticket ... and then for customs ...

That having been said, there are things an American man can learn from the best of the Nigerian scammers. These are related by one of my clients who was in the hands of a really astute Nigerian scammer:

--They use the phrase "I am here" and "I've got your back" and "I'll stand by you," and "I'll never go away"
--They are online seemingly 24/7, and always available for the woman they are 'courting'
--They talk about family, obligations, and the fact that they won't run
--They say they will do anything for family, and will make sacrifices
--They shower the woman with attention - verbal, verbal, verbal
--They state that age doesn't matter (usually "age is a mare [sic] number")
--The best of them make very few grammatical errors, no more than a person typing would, like typos
--They have just the right tone of voice on the phone (albeit there is an accent, which they attribute to being born elsewhere, or all their travels)-sweet, full of emotion
--They are very emotional - will cry when reporting that their brother died in surgery, will show anger if you don't appear online for a day
--They say they will cook for the woman, retire her, take her around the world
--They use poetry and sweet words - copied off the Internet, but then what is a quote from Shakespeare but that -- a quote. Just that they don't attribute it. nevertheless, it works
--They use "honey" and "baby" liberally, and woman fall for this, trite as it is
--The photos they send are tasteful, good looking, well dressed, everything in place (nothing skanky). The best do not send anything porn-like.

The thing I want to say is that this is becoming as prevalent as the stupid email scams we've been getting for years (and still do), saying you've won the lottery in some foreigh country. If this woman received more than one in her daily match, look at what is going on.

Especially if you look classy or like you have money, you can expect to hear from these people regularly.

Do turn them in to match.com if you get one, and also to the scam sites if you like. Here is one place to report if scammed re: Malaysia.

They write:

An increasing number of Americans have been victims of scams originating in Malaysia. Con artists contact Americans through the internet, including dating web sites. These con artists usually pose as American citizens who have unexpectedly experienced a medical, legal, financial or other type of emergency in Malaysia that requires immediate financial assistance.

You can also report to the Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Here are some romance scam sites:
Romance scam
Travel.State.Gov
Yahoo Romance Scam Info
Nigerian Dating Scam with Photos

If you check out these sites, you will see that the same phrases are used over and over. They will generally send the scammed stuff via email, not the IM. If you feel suspicious, copy the email and google it, and you will likely find it was scammed off the Internet, and appears over and over on these romance-scam sites.

You will find certain photos are used repeatedly. They are exceptionally appealing men, usually men that would pass for around 50 years of age, and they are generally models, but not always.

Here is one commonly used. Bear in mind the real person this is a photo of, is NOT the scammer:


This has been used with aliases such as Gabsy Fisher, John Armstrong, Joe, Mike, Scott Smith, Vincente Miguel, and more. The photos used are generally of men that could pass for multi-national.

So -- ladies beware when you are dating. This is becoming increasingly prevalent and has made its way into the legitimate dating sites such as match.com . There are places you can report this abuse.

But -- be aware that almost immediately the Nigerian scam artist will remove his profile from the site. (After all, it takes just a few minutes to set one up.) With the woman mentioned above, she got her dailies today, and by this evening, the man's profile was no longer online. And he had already told her his child was sick in the hospital.

The really good ones will work the relationship for a month or two, and they do a really good job at it.

Bear in mind that they are psychologically astute. If you sound desperate, lonely, like you are a pushover, that you are kind-hearted, that you always stand by people, if you react to their emotionality, that you like to help ... it will signal them to keep at it.

Good luck!

SUSAN DUNN, DATING COACH - 817-734-1471, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Dating During Rutting Season

RULES OF DATING

Okay, I really don't know for sure when rutting season is, besides being in the fall, for deer at any rate. How do I know this? I had a date the other night and, being new to the D. C. area, I commented to my date, a long-term resident of the area, that I had seen a dead deer beside the road every day for several weeks.

"It's rutting season," he said. With that sort of pause that means, well, you know.

But my clients, and the general level of activity tells me that it IS human rutting season. First of all, more babies are born in September than any other time of year and yes, folks, that's 9 months away. Get it? It's a cold and lonely time of year. It's dark and some of us suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder). We have a post-Christmas let down. We suffer from holiday expectations that weren't met - that gift we didn't get, the family get-together that was more like a free-for-all. And the days get cold and dark so fast.

So, yes, it's a time when dating online really picks up.

Men are hard-wired to take action on an emotion, i.e., if they feel bad, they do something to make that go away, and to feel good. this translates to -- If you're lonely - get a date.

Ladies, here are some tips for taking advantage of this time of year and of NOT being TAKEN advantage of this time of year. Most of these apply year 'round, it's just that there's more activity this time of year.

-- Don't read ANYTHING into anything a man says. If he says, "You're the most beautiful woman I've met on match.com," just say, "Thank you" or "Pass the salt please."
-- Actions speak louder than words where men are concerned. Pay attention to a man's behavior and actions, not so much to what he says. Remember, for instance, that if he cares about you and wants to see you, he will MAKE time. We're all "too busy." Unless, of course, it means something to us. Would you ever be "too busy" to go pick up your $1,000,000 lottery check?
-- More than ever during this season, take your time. It is up to the woman to pace the relationship. Do not let the guy get ahead of himself, or try to overwhelm you.
-- Rehearse over and over, "I'm not comfortable with..." It's the nice way to say "no." The pressure will increase this time of year. So practice your responses ahead of time. (Get some coaching if you need some tips on this.)
-- Make some extra time for dating this time of year, because the guys are out there beating the bushes. If you can clear your schedule for some more dating time, you'll enjoy the benefits. It's a good time to meet people.
-- Check out things that you can, i.e., you can visit the man's profile on the Internet and see what's going on. If he's been putting the mash on you, and you go to his profile and see "Active within the last 24 hours" - get a clue.
-- Until a man has demonstrated his sincere interest by actions, and has specifically asked you for an exclusive relationship, keep on dating. It will help you have a clear head.
-- If you catch yourself with a spinning head, call for some coaching, or talk to a friend. You don't want to miss all the action, but it can be overwhelming. dating coaching can help you manage it all better, for the best possible outcomes.
-- Don't ask a man out. Don't 'wink' first. Don't reply to 'winks'. Remember -- the rules of courtship are hard-wired. The man is the pursuer and do the work, and it's got to be more than a "wink".
-- Resist any urges to plan the date, if asked to. He might say he's too busy. First of all, what is he too busy with? Other dates? Secondly, that's his job. Remember - the rules of courtship are hard-wired.

Here's a special tip. Work with a team-mate or better yet, a coach. I have helped women with this. (I'm on the dating sites to learn more, and also to date.) One client was getting some real heavy-duty stuff from a guy online, and somehow smelled a rat. I contacted the guy, and guess what? I got back the exact same email he had written to her. Yes, guys do that. No, you don't want to engage with such a man.

And while we're at it, hone up on your ability to "smell a rat," to "look in the horse's mouth." Dating coaching can really help you learn to eliminate a lot of propblems by helping you understand your intuition. It's our best guide. It is often confused with fantasy, and wishful thinking, so let me help you learn the difference. It can save you a lot of grief.

If you aren't getting much action from your profile, please contact me for some dating coaching. I can help you build a better profile, and one that gets the kind of results that you want.

Deal Breakers when Dating Online

Dating online is really an art. First let me say that I think it's the best thing since sliced bread. It allows you to swing a wide net, to have an idea of what someone is like before you meet with them, and to see how you blend on important items like wanting kids, smoking, and religious beliefs.

It's very important how you write your online profile. Oddly enough, the number one faux pas seems to be bad grammar and typos.

Another sure looser tactic is to write about what you don't want. Read this and process how you feel (actual profile written by a woman):

Please don't contact me if yu're an addict, a player, or a liar. I've already had too much of that in my life. Also if you can't hold a job or are bankrupt, I don't want to hear from you. And you'd better be willing to be faithful if we get involved. Cheaters have already broken my heart.

I don't know about you, but when I read that I thought, goodness who has this woman been attracting? Why on earth such a litany? Who has she been hanging out with? I think she's got too much baggage to deal with.

Let's just say it raises suspicions about her ability to date intelligently and even to maintain a good relationship.

Even stating the opposite has the same effect, i.e., I want someone who won't lie, won't have affairs on me, and won't beat me.

It's like the "Have you quit beating your wife?"

Let's stay positive when we write our profiles. If you need help writing a good profile, contact me for dating coaching.

Photos Not to Post on your Dating Profile

PHOTOS ON YOUR DATING PROFILE

Let's talk a moment about what kind of photos you want to put on your dating profile. Guys seem to be the worst offenders in this are, so let's start with photos on your dating profile that are not going to attract a woman to want to date you. Or maybe even to MEET you.

1. I think I can safely say (from interviewing thousands of women) that the #1 turnoff is the photo where you stand in the BATHROOM and take a photo of yourself with your SHIRT OFF and your CELL PHONE SHOWING IN THE PHOTO. What are you thinking? Usually the photo is - well, like a photo you take of yourself in the bathroom. Secondly, consider the connotations - which might include (1) you don't even have a friend who can photograph you? (2) I could wait a year before I wanted to see you in the bathroom; (3) No matter how good your pecs are, it just smacks of narcisissm, not to mention poor taste. I would say "if you must, at least make sure your bathroom looks appealing," except that there's no such thing. Save it.

2. Photos like the one above. It is a good photograph, I'll grant that (and there's something to be said for a man whose a great photographer), but ... somehow I can't really put this in to words. I suppose it means you like to fish. Ladies, if you love to fish, raise your hands. One, two ... Then, somehow this photo lacks what would come with a photo of you on a boat with a marlin or something.
The point is -- think of the connotations.

COMMENTS FROM DATING COACHING CLIENTS:

"If he wants to show me he's a good provider, he could put a big fish on there, or even a deer."

"Huh?"

"I guess he wants us to know he takes a good photograph. I'm not interested much in a man who takes good photographs."

"I like good photos and that, but hey, that's a dead, limp fish."

"LOL"

3. More generally, photos of your game and kill. I've seen photos of a deer hanging, a man in the field in his camou-gear. Worst are the ones (like the above) where just the kill is shown. After that, you with your gun/knife/rod AND the hunt. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm one of those that doesn't mind a guy hunting. Hey, I'm from Texas. But ... would you like to see a photo on my profile of me bowling. Or knitting. Or rocking a baby. These are hobbies. Things I like to do. But is my potential date quite interested in that yet?

To sum it up so far -- no kill, road or others. No bathroom scenes. And actually, most women don't care to see the naked torso on a profile.

Again, think of the connotations. You are putting on there something you love, but you aren't stopping to think what would be appealing to the woman, and that is like a metaphor. It's rather egocentric. And that's not exactly what we're after on our dating profiles.

Let me help you write a profile that will present you well, and help you choose photos that will help you sell yourself in a good light.

4. Tons of art photos. I visited one profile that had no less than 20 great, beautiful photos of nature. Another where the man's hobby wad evidentally bird-watching and there were a ton of bird photos on there. This is a matter of degree. Sure I like to know that a man's a great photographer, because it's one of my hobbies and like-attracts-like, BUT ... one or two would be enough. Also there's the problem that we don't know if it was YOU who took the photo. As i say above, I think it's neat when a guy's a great photographer, and even an appreciator of art, but that isn't explained. I like the Mona Lisa, and I took a great photo of the Mona Lisa when I was at the Louvres, but I don't put my photo of it on my profile.

5. Photos of you with another chick unless it's obviously your mother or daughter. And even then ... We try and screen out players. Help us out here.

6. Lastly, and the online dating sites do a good job of screening these, ladies don't like to see anything too suggestive. Let me sum this up for you -- people like to make money. If there were any money in porno sites for women there would be a ton of them. There aren't. Get it?

What you want is a small selection of great photos of yourself, or your art photos, that tell us who you are and what you're like, but that don't overdo it in any direction.

It's a good idea to let me critique your profile writeup and photos for you. You want to put your best foot forward.

Is the most important thing about your profile the grammar?

Take another look at your Dating Profile online, and let me help you make it work.

We worry about how we present ourselves, and work hard on our profiles, and photos and so forth, but studies show that the most immediate D.E.A.L.B.R.E.A.K.E.R. is spelling. Isn't that interesting?

And guys -- you are the worst at this!

Yes, if you have a misspelled word in there, someone is likely to dismiss you immediately. I know it's a turnoff to me -- in advertising of any sort. I just got a flyer about a seminar that said you could "loose your anger", and I chucked the flyer immediately. If they can't differentiate between "lose" and "loose" in something as important as a flyer, or afford to pay for a good copy-writer, then what kind of seminar will they be presenting?

The same applies to dating. For most of us, we expect the person we date to at least be literate.

Here's proof of the pudding. I send out many ezines, have many blogs, and also email flyers. I have an administrative assistant I dictate some of them to, and I do not always edit. Whenever there has been a typo SOMEONE has written to tell me.

Yes, it matters that much. And "spellcheck" isn't going to catch things like "loose" when you meant "lose," because "loose is spelled correctly. You need a great copy-writer and I can provide that service for you.

Let me write your profile for you.

So come on now! Let me help you write a profile that will work!! Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc.

Can 2 First-Borns Make a Good Pair?

THE DATING COACH coaches internationally by phone and email. I also have offices in Manassas VA and Chevy Chase MD. I'm waiting to help you get the show on the road.


This is the best answer I've heard to that. My client wrote

C: Hey, do you think 2 first-borns can make it as a couple?

HE REPLIED:

Answer...don't see why not as long as I am in charge!! Just kidding, meant as long as you are in charge!! Oops, wrong again!!! Seriously, I think things work as long as there is a mutual respect, understanding and sharing, and a lotta compromise, etc. (Tho, I gotta be careful not to sound too sensitive or I'll lose my card to the "Guys Club!")

We like that part about the "Guys' Club" too. This guy wrote the kind of response you like to get, and are v. likely to answer.

What did my client reply:

ANSWER: ROFL. Best laugh I've had in a week. Let's meet and see if we get along. Wait a minute. You're supposed to be the one asking.

NEED A DATING COACH? Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's get to work on your dating situation. Life isn't meant to be lived alone. I have some great tips on profiles, what the guys like, what the gals like. The Dating Coach knows!

It isn't easy, so why go it alone? Sometimes just one or two sessions does the trick. 817-734-1471 if you're in a hurry.

Do You Want to Date an Extrovert?

HOW TO FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN GET ALONG WITH

There are a lot more extroverts in the US than introverts, according to the Myers-Briggs people. So, in a world run by extroverts, introverts are often misunderstood. And vice versa!

Should and extrovert and an introvert date?

That's up to you, but it's good to know which you are, and which you prefer. A lot of times opposites DO attract. Although not everyone is this blunt, you will find hints on a person's profile. Here is one from one of the major online dating sites:

I am a personality whore. Alittle harsh? Definetly. I crave conversation and fun. If you think pouting and standing in the corner thinking you are too good for everyone is attractive we do not have anything in common.

Pardon his English. Extroverts get energy from being with other people (personalities). Generally they can't stand to be alone. Therefore they "crave" being with other people. Since introverts need time alone, they wouldn't understand this and might call it "pouting" or "thinking you're too good for everyone." They often look at introverts as "shy."

Every activity this person listed was people-oriented. No leisure-time pursuits like computer, learning, philosophy or reading. He prefers IM to email and likes phone or in-person even more.

Lots of signs he's an extrovert. It's good to know how to look for these things when you are dating online. Also good to let others know these things about you. Ask the Dating Coach - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

#1 complaint about men dating online

Are you a man looking for a date on the Internet? Gentlemen, the #1 complaint of women dating on the Internet is the misspellings and grammar in the men's emails.

Here are some at random from match.com:

I believe that I am a great friend to my friends. I enjoy sports and love to travel and meet people. I never opposed to trying new things. I work hard and enjoy life

That's ME---'Old Fasshioned" manners. I am VERY traditional. I, promise, I will TOTALLY spoil you. Can you endure that?

Subject line: Lot's in common

I AM LOOKING FOR A TENDER CARING WOMAN TO SHOW A GOOD TIME AS A COMPANION AND DEVELOPE A RELATIONSHIP WITH

I am a true story teller, I am a very sensative fellow. If you look close you will see tears in my eyes sometimes. I am a very srtong guy, very healthy, very physically fit, and very active. I excersice my physical body everyday.

The sad thing is that the sentiments expressed are lovely and would appeal to a woman, but it is even hard to concentrate and keep reading with such mayhem.

Let me coach you about dating online and help you compose those emails. You write it and I'll edit it. I also can help you find the right Internet dating sites for what you're looking for.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to find out more about Dating Coaching.

And yes, you're right, not everyone cares about spelling and grammar, and maybe they shouldn't, they should be able to see "the real you," but ... The Right Woman for you might be one of those who likes a well-written email. You don't want to eliminate yourself right out the starting gate.

The Dating Coach Gets Rave Reviews

Susan Dunn, the Dating Coach ... I love my work so much, I volunteer as expert on a major website.

Recently Erin asked me why she couldn't "keep" a man. She didn't have trouble attracting them, but they always left. She asked me what she was doing wrong, and what she should do differently.

Here's how she rated my answer, which the website requests they do:

knowledgeability - 10
helpfulness - 10
timeliness - 10
politeness - 10

Comment - Those 10's are not accidents. I see the boxes and I'm giving her 10's for all of it. Not only did she answer me fast and accurate but she gave me ideas I never even thought of or forgot to write about. She doesn't sugar coat. That puts a film on things that makes it impossible to learn. Excellent expert you have here.

I was also nominated again as volunteer of the month.

No, I don't sugar coat. I figure if you're stuck, my sympathy doesn't help. What you need is straight talk and an action plan. You're paying me for advice that works, and that's what I give. I don't want to "put a film" on things so you can't learn. I don't know anyone who would keep doing something unsuccessful if they were shown a better way to do it! I've had years of experience at this, plus an M.A. in Clinical Psychology, and I work hard to help you maneuver today's impossible dating scene, and find the partner you are looking for.

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-734-1471.

You can check out your latest ratings at http://www.allexperts.com/expert.cgi?m=1&catID=844&expID=75760.
Following is the question information:

Who is Michael Phelps Dating?

What if you read a dating profile where the man listed for his "interests:"

I’ve got a pretty quiet life. It’s kinda boring. I haven’t got a girlfriend and I can’t do the kind of things all my friends are doing as college students. I swim, listen to hip hop and work on my car.

Think you might pass him up as "boring"? Think again! This is attributed to Michael Phelps spreadit.org Yes, indeed, he "swims."

A lot of men doing interesting and serious things with their lives won't list a lot of interests. Actually, I've talked to 100s of men and women and helped them write and re-write their profiles and a big one is "interests."

From Kareena:

What am I supposed to put for interests? What did I do today?
Listened to come classical music, cleaned house, went over to have dinner with
my son and family and took 3 client calls. What would I do if I had a
neat guy in my life?? That's a totally other thing.

Does Michael have a girlfriend? He's been linked to swimmer Amanda Beard, who denied it; and to supermodel Lily Donaldson, who also denied dating him. Lately he's been linked to gold medal winning swimmer Stephanie Rise.

True?

According to Game On , Phelps always replies:

• Part of my life is kept to myself. I'm able to relax and be with my friends. Those pretty much are the only people who really know the answer to that.
  
  
  Well, the Dating Coach has to say, that the gentleman's response. Used to be that a gentleman didn't "kiss and tell." That's not a bad idea!
  
  Recommendation when your date asks you about previous dates, partners, spouses and exes -- that it be kept to a minimum and that you practice with me suitable responses. After all, it's "history" isn't it? Or you wouldn't be a very attractive date prospect.
  
  Let me work with you on responses to the "trick" questions. That's what Dating Coaching is all about.
  
  If you want a second date, or even second email, it matters how you answer questions ... and also how you ask them.
  
  Favorite woman's profile comment seen this week:
  
  Q: What's your idea of a great first date?
  A: Anything as long as it doesn't feel like a job interview!!!
  
  Answer to "interests"? Ladies and gentlemen, if it's hard for you to write, it's hard for them to write. Give people a long lead until you get a "deal breaker." Kareena tells me she'd love to go to the Galapagos Island, if she had someone to go with. That's a far cry from listening to music and visiting with family!
  
  Photo: wikipedia, common domain

Trick Questions Dates Ask You

ARE YOU STILL BEATING YOUR WIFE AND OTHER "TRICK" QUESTIONS

Dear Susan,

This guy's on eharmony where you do all those canned questions and answers. When we got to the open comunication he asked, "So do you have your life together?" I smelled a rat. How are you supposed to answer that, and what are they after? I suspect he has issues with some bipolar from his past ... what are your thoughts?"
Love, Kammetha

Dear Kammetha,

You're right to smell a rat. I would beg the issue, and answer: "Yes, my life is great, and I'd like someone to share it with."

You beg the question "is your life together?" I'd take under advisement any one who would ask that. Life is never 'together.' Okay? For instance, if HIS life is so "together" why is he looking for a mate? It tells more about him and his past failures or mistakes in date-choosing. It's like asking "So are you addicted to illegal drugs?" Or "Do you get along with your parents and do you have lots of friends?" "Are you an exercise freak/coach potato?"

These are questions better lived out. If asked directly, they exhibit a kind of naivete you want to avoid. If you can't identify someone who might be on drugs, please call me for coaching. Most people with disordered lives give off plenty of cues. Many will come right out and say it; they take a sort of pride in it.

Things like coach potato? We have a hard time descibing our "interests". They DEPEND. Be much more aware of someone who lists one interest. They will probably be unbalanced and rigid. If he lists for his interests "golf," he is looking for a golf partner not a woman and relationship. Let him find a man for that.

These questions are in a sense like the old legal one: "Are you still beating your wife?"

Let me help you sort out the clues and get smart! I've read hundreds of profiles and emails, and talked to people dealing with them. And let me help you formulate questions that GET YOU THE ANSWER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

If Her Daddy's Rich Take Her Out for a Meal

WHERE YOU TAKE HER ON THE DATE MATTERS

If you get it wrong, you won't even get out the starting gate, guys.

Remember that old song, If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal; if her daddy's poor just do what you feel.

OK, let's dismiss "gold-digger" first of all. If you can't recognize a gold-digger, please call me for coaching immediately. No one wants to be involved with someone like that.

This is a light-hearted ditty about dating, and there's a bit of wisdom in there. Guys, it pays to get it right. If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal. (P.S. Not just ANY meal.)

In the emailbag:

Well he finally called and asked me out. To Barnyard Buffet. Just not my type of place. Shows he's not the right guy for me. Too bad it didn't work out.

How do you tell? Let me coach you. Remember - "In courtship, as in war, there is no way to survive a tactical blunder."

I've talked to hundreds of men and women dating, and I know how to 'read' a profile.

I can also show you how to look for criminal record, cost of their home, etc.

Smart Dating Warriors have a plan, and they use scouts to get information. :-)

P.S. If you're saying, "But I can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant," think again. Asking a woman to meet you at Starbucks on a Sat. morning signals that you are doing the equivalent of mass-mailing a formula-email + wink, to tons of women.

No, you can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant. Why would you want to? Be selective and be savvy. It shows. It matters.