Have you Ever Terminated an online Relationship because of one of their photos?

BOO!

Q: The question on the Advice Board was "Has anyone ever dismissed a man because of a photo in their profile, I mean besides one with another woman."

A: Since I'm a Dating Coach I can answer that from a broad perspective. Women have described to me terminating contact with men (or not even starting it) because of photos, with words like. But let me begin by saying that men, especially older men, may only have one dressed-up photo of themselves, which is at a wedding, often the wedding of one of their kids, so you see them with a cute young thing. Check it out, don't assume.

That having been said ... I've heard many different reasons, among them:

• Anything obscene or in poor taste. Occasionally one of these will slip by the censors


• He looks like a derelict


• Why would he think I would want to see him chest-bare in the bathroom mirror photographing himself with his own cell phone?


• 5 photos of him on his Harley???


• He's dirty, unshaven, nasty clothes


• Am I supposed to fall in love with his car?


• Too fat


• The stuff on his back porch was disgusting


• All those ______ things on his walls and mantel - I'm not into that stuff (various different memorabilia - we all have our own tastes)


• I won't date a man with a beard/long hair/GQ look/earring/tatoo/Brooks Brother look (etc.)


• I don't like blonds/bald men/brunettes ... blue-eyed/brown-eyed men


• Photo of him in bar with woman draped all over him


• Too tiny for me


• A photo of him surrounded by teddy-bears? You gotta be kidding.


• It's nice he's a doctor, but that shot with white coat and stethoscope smells of ego to me


• Looks like an addict


• Looks like he's had 5 bypasses


• Showed him in his Halloween costume. Gross.


• Photo of him from his high school yearbook 40 years ago. Who cares what he looked like then?


• Looked depressed


• Bad teeth

My personal favorite is the one some man put on his profile of himself with a bow and arrow and that thing with the arrows on his back, out in some woods. And he was dressed not unlike Robin Hood. Wish I could print the photo here.

Folks, the photos you choose to display on your profile make all the difference in the world. Men are primarily visible. Women might give it a chance beyond a photo, but the photos still matter.

P.S. Check out the backgrounds of your photos. Make sure they are things you want to be there. If in doubt, let me help you out. I can help you build a profile and photo portfolio that shows you at your best.

Dating Coach - Focus Group Results

Are you looking for a partner online?





As a Dating Coach, I'm always gathering new information. I had a Focus Group the other day to find out more. We talked, got online, and I took notes! From actual men and women who are currently on numerous dating sites, I found out the following:





MEN

• Men go to the photo, and back to the photo, and back to the photo.


• They say they read the profile, but they skim itr.


• If it's more than a paragraph, they get irritated.


• Research says the ideal length is about 100 words


• If men "run to type," it is something more than hair color. Men's lists of favorites contained blonds, brunettes and red heads. I could 'glom on' to a "type" but it was subtle. Things more like serious, or fun, or warm, or friendly, or romboy, or classy


• They are truly puzzled by most of the emails they receive. They say they don't know what to do.


• Many, especially men of action, like to write -- Here's my phone number. Call me.


• They don't like to read anything about exes, former bad treatment, or anything negative


• If the woman has no full length photo, they say "something's wrong" and move on.


• From their emails I read, women don't send a lot of 'canned' emails.


• Men refuse to get on a site and look at other guy's profiles, so they miss some information about the competition.
  
• They do the research - they check to see if the woman has looked at their profile or read their email.

WOMEN

• Women read the profile carefully. They don't mind a couple of paragraphs, but a full page is a turnoff.


• They're turned off by men who write emails only telling about themselves and what they like to do. They like a few questions to answer - like it were a give-and-take conversation.


• They are turned off when there are only interests such as hunting, go-karting, car auctions, target shooting, fishing. Especially if there is only one interest listed like (true example) - driving my new car.


• Women carefully look over the entire photograph. They are turned off by junk in the background, bare chests, photos of the man in a bar with a woman draped over his shoulder, unshaven or sloppy clothes, shots they take of themselves with their cell phone aimed at the bathroom mirror.


• They like to see a photo of the guy's house - but it better have a well-manicured yard and no junk or car parts on the patio.


• They are puzzled by the emails they receive.


• They prefer the guy ask them for their phone number.


• Manners matter a lot.


• Women can tell when they've gotten a 'canned' email - same one sent to 100 women.


• Women often peruse the profiles of other women to get information about the competition, and better ideas for writing!
  
• Yes women are really turned off by bad spelling and grammar.

Timing is a problem for both genders. Why hasn't he written me back? Remember that some people are at a computer all day long, while others might only check once a week.

Your profile matters. Let me help you shape up your profile. There is someone for you out there, lets make your profile more appealing. I also help interpret email responses and help you write better ones, ones that work.

The Dating Coach, Susan Dunn. That's what I do. I work with clients all over the U. S.

Writing your internet dating profile

"I'd like to date you, but please don't bring your pet boa constrictor along with you in the car."

Writing your Internet dating profile is one of the most important parts. Yes, a photo is essential, but we've all learned that looks aren't everything. The photo is like the introduction. Then you start the conversation.

Eleeta called me and asked for dating coaching. She said she was having trouble even getting an email. I asked to see her profile, and here it is:

[After her interests} ... If you're going to write me, please don't be a wife abuser, an alcoholic or one in recovery, addicted to anything, a control freak, uneducated, elitist, negative, filthy fingernails, someone who doesn't shave on the weekend, fat, on your second bypass, or someone who hates his mother. Also please have more than one "hobby." There's nothing more boring than someone who just lists "opera" for an interest. Also please skip the obvious stuff like movies,
eating out, cooking and travel. Who doesn't? Also I don't want to hear all about your job. That's what you do on your own time. Get it? If you don't 'get it' don't write me. And no winks or canned messages please.

OUCH! What man would even go near something like this?

I know how tempting it is once you start writing to get into the past stuff you didn't like. I once dated a guy who came over and spent an hour alphabetizing the cans in my pantry. (Could I have made that up?) Now when you read that, don't you wonder about ME more than you wonder about HIM.

I know all about this. It's tempting, but don't do it. It comes off like, "I'd like to date you but please don't bring your pet boa constrictor along in the car."

Let me coach you to success. sdunn@susandunn.cc