When They Break Up with You

WHEN THEY BREAK UP WITH YOU -- STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN -- with your coach

One of the hardest things to deal with in life is when the one you love and want to marry, breaks up with you. They may ask for "space," or simply distance. Whatever it is, they pull out, and you can feel it.

What happens after that is what fellow dating coach Ed Banks calls getting "hijacked."

In emotional intelligence terms, "hijacked" means when the reptilian brain and limbic brain takeover. What do they "take over?" The thinking brain -- the one that could possibly get your ex back for you!

According to Lewis, Amini and Lannon, who wrote "A General Theory of Love," losing a loved one is a PHYSIOLOGICAL EVENT, and if you've gone through the breakup of a serious relationship, you know what this means, even if you don't know the fancy vocabulary.

You become obsessed with the person you loved. You can't think about anything else. You suffer - emotionally and physically. It's akin to torture. You can't eat, or you eat chocolate all day. YOu can't sleep, or you can't get out of bed. Everything reminds you of them, and how it felt to be with them, and how much you long to be with them again. Anger can flip-flop with fear, despair, and pain.

You think of what you can say to them to make them change their mind. You want to tell them you've changed. You want to know WHY, so you can FIX IT. You think about how good it was, and wonder why they didn't think so too. You are confused and devastated. And HIJACKED.

It can be hard to concentrate on work and essential duties. Some of the thousands of clients I've worked with, worldwide, even say they can't eat or sleep, and every day seems like a life sentence.

How do you work your way out of this? Please call for coaching, because you do NOT want to approach your "ex" (I know, just that word is painful) in this state. There are ways to get through ... and then ways to begin the re-approach that can work for you.

Email me for coaching and advice, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

I've been through this, you know people who have, I hope you are not, but if you are, then get some help with this. Or recommend my services to a friend who is suffering.

Meanwhile,
DO NOT:

Dial/text drunk
Threaten
Call their parent, sibling, best friend
Plead
Sleep with their best friend - vindictive, and just tacky - they'll never forgive you
Beg
Harass
Stalk - even MINI-stalking is bad
Wear out a friend -- get a coach instead
Start drinking/drugging and add a bigger problem to your initial problem
Try and argue logically or rationally with them -- this isn't a "rational" thing
Throw tantrums, scream and cry
Badger them
Show up where you know they'll be -- that bookstore on Sunday afternoon. Right now, they don't want to see you -- so don't.

Until you can work yourself out of this position, nothing is going to work.