Is there love for you?

I am working with a man now who found the love of his life over a year ago. The trouble is that after he met her and they went together for a while and he was sure of his feelings, he did what guys do. He went into the cave. From her point of view - he just disappared.

What happened is, he had the plan in his mind. An action plan. In order to make his new love happen, he had to go back and finalize his divorce, which he hadn't taken care of several years ago.

So, to his new love's way of thinking - he disappeared.

He asks me, "But doesn't she know I had to finish the business of the divorce?"

No! She didn't. Why? Because he didn't say it. He just went off to do it.

Guys - remember to put words around your actions. And to do what you say you will do. That's one way a woman knows what's going on, and how she checks things out. She wants to make sure what you say (when you say it) isn't just "empty words."

The great thing about this romance is that she has agreed to take him back -- with reservations. She doesn't trust the relationship with him now, so he is working to win her trust back. But the important this is that she is willing to give him a second chance. They have started at the beginning again and are going slower this time.

What is love? Love, ultimately, is trust.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ... FOREIGNER

Is Sarah Palin the woman for you?

Is Sarah Palin the woman for you?

Why am I asking this on a dating site.

Probably like you, I'm on a lot of social email lists - you know where the funnies, videos, and political stuff gets passed around.




And there's a certain group list that just can't get off Sarah Palin - sending photos of her holding fish, dressing moose, etc. with comments like "the ideal woman."

Lets generalize and say there are "types" of women, okay? There's the tomboy, the lady, the intellectual, the arm candy, the mom, and so forth.

When you're perusing the dating sites, or talking to men you meet when you are out and about you need to figure out just what the man is looking for in a woman. I CAN HELP YOU.

Obviously these men sending the emails about Sarah Palin are not imagining going to the opera with her, raising a family with her, helping her weed her rose garden, or snuggling in front of the fireplace with her. They're picturing an activity partner - a woman who will go fishing and hunting with them, camp out, not complain about dirty restrooms, dig the Harley convention and so forth.

Now what are you after? Here are some questions to answer (and to discover about the man you're dating).

Read this list. Ponder. Then let me help you find the right partner for this.

• Activity partner - boating and fishing and skiing with him, no makeup, must be doing ACTIVE things which generally do not involve emotional interchange or conversation. Except for how best to dress that moose, or where the best quail will be.


• Travel partner - not the same thing. You want to take trips a couple of times a year. Could be transatlantic on the Queen Mary, or backpacking in Paris hostel. Your focus, what you live for is to take those trips! You want to see the world!


• Intellectual companionship - you read and learn and discuss, and so does he. Life is about learning and interesting conversation is the best activity there is and the most important thing in a partner.


• Parenting - you want more kids and to raise a family


• Marriage. You want someone to join with you in all ways and build a new life together. For better or for worse.


• Romance! Not at all the same thing. You want the "highs" - the infatuation, the sweet words and constant affirmations, when it's fun and easy and sexually exciting. The intoxication of the "up" side of "falling in love."


• Soul-mate. You tell me what this means! Like Tristan and Isolde, like the people in Verdi's opera, and Robert Browning's poetry. Or like Sarkovsky said (though it wasn't true, and often the things said aren't) - "We will not, indeed we do not know how to part."


• Friends. Lower tone. Pals, buddies. Emotions and sex not that intense and not the most important thing. You know...FRIENDS. Hanging out. Doesn't have the physical-activity thing of "activity partner."


• Affair. You do not intend to get emotionally involved. You do not intend for it to last. You meet infrequently. It's in the moment. No plans need be made and no strings attached.
  
• Sugar Daddy/Arm Candy. It's all about who'se got the toys. You want a rich man who will support you and give you things. He wants arm candy.

How Do You Get Him to Marry You

How do you get him to marry you?



As a Dating Coach, I've worked with a lot of women who were looking for a husband. They may be in different stages of a relationship, but the big question is, "How do I get him to MARRY me?"

A client writes: He moved in about 6 months ago. I don't understand why he won't marry me. I cook all his meals, do his clothes, take care of his kids when he has to work on the weekend and it's his weekend to have them. I've even entertained his mother when she was in town. The sex is great. I just don't get it. He won't even pay half the utility bill or pay for part of the groceries. Why won't he marry me?

The Dating Coach answers: Why would he?

It used to be called "don't give the cow away with the milk." In the situation this woman writes about, she is behaving like a wife in all aspects, so what is the incentive for this man to marry her.

Men who are looking for marriage will usually NOT move in with the woman. They behave differently.

• How do you tell what man is "the marrying kind" and what man isn't?
• How do you know when to cut your losses and move on?
• How can you set it up from the beginning so that if he loves you, marriage will be on his mind?
• How can you attract the kind of man who marries?
• What's the difference between romance, an affair, and dating for marriage?

Let me guide you and be your Dating Coach.

eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's talk. Dating is more complicated than it ever has been. I'm here to help.

Tough Dating Questions

One of the things that comes up when we're dating is the subject of exes. Former dates, lovers, partners and spouses.

How do we deal with this?

Well, the less said the better.

If you were hooked up with a Nobel prize winner or a super model, the person is going to feel like they can't compete. If you were hooked up with a loser, they're going to wonder what's wrong with you, your choices, and therefore, what THEY are doing there.

Work with your Dating Coach to come up with responses that don't get you in trouble from the get-go.

We've all got exes. Maybe it's best to leave it at that??

Contact me for coaching if you would like help with this complicated topic - or others that come up, like:

• You've been married TWO times?
• How long do you plan to keep working?
• Wait a minute ... you've been single 20 years??
  
• How come you never got married (at all)?
• Your marriage only lasted two years?
• Are you willing to relocate?
• We live 500 miles apart. The distance is too great.

Everyone's looking. There's a partner for everyone. So call me and get back on track! 817-741-7223, or email to sdunn@susandunn.cc .

If Her Daddy's Rich Take Her Out for a Meal

WHERE YOU TAKE HER ON THE DATE MATTERS

If you get it wrong, you won't even get out the starting gate, guys.

Remember that old song, If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal; if her daddy's poor just do what you feel.

OK, let's dismiss "gold-digger" first of all. If you can't recognize a gold-digger, please call me for coaching immediately. No one wants to be involved with someone like that.

This is a light-hearted ditty about dating, and there's a bit of wisdom in there. Guys, it pays to get it right. If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal. (P.S. Not just ANY meal.)

In the emailbag:

Well he finally called and asked me out. To Barnyard Buffet. Just not my type of place. Shows he's not the right guy for me. Too bad it didn't work out.

How do you tell? Let me coach you. Remember - "In courtship, as in war, there is no way to survive a tactical blunder."

I've talked to hundreds of men and women dating, and I know how to 'read' a profile.

I can also show you how to look for criminal record, cost of their home, etc.

Smart Dating Warriors have a plan, and they use scouts to get information. :-)

P.S. If you're saying, "But I can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant," think again. Asking a woman to meet you at Starbucks on a Sat. morning signals that you are doing the equivalent of mass-mailing a formula-email + wink, to tons of women.

No, you can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant. Why would you want to? Be selective and be savvy. It shows. It matters.

Who Took the Courtship Out of Dating for Marriage?

From the mail bag today. Let's take a look at what it's saying.

When we are dating, we are trying to return many of these behaviors, because they worked. In fact, we might add there,

Who took the courtship out of dating for marriage??

The blog is about seniors, but we could just say

"WHO TOOK ..."

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement, or,
God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

The Dating Coach will show you how to put the magic back into dating, and finding your dream partner. 817-741-7223, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Suddenly he quits calling

FROM THE MAILBAG:

i have been using a dating website now for sometime and i have met some super guys, and i have met one just recently that met all my list. when we met for lunch, it was so great we had dinner and then went to a movie. then the next night he calls to go out again. (i didn't call him or txt msg, like you said, just let him do it.) then he asked me over to his place for dinner sat. and now i'm worrying maybe this is too much cos he txt msgs all day and night. then it all stopped. i call him and he says he has really busy week. i haven't heard from him for a week. it's confusing. what do i do next?

Shilo

FROM THE DATING COACH: Can't tell what's going on with this guy, but it just doesn't work to go "too much too soon." Maybe he got ahead of himself.

Keep your early dates short and sweet. (It's up to the ladies to end the date! Do so politely and sweetly, but an hour or so is enough for the first time.) Lunch and then dinner in one day is for sure too much too soon. Save something for next time!

My advice to Shilo is to wait and see. Do not contact him. If he does call, slow the pace down. Don't be so available. Why? Because that's what works. Relationships need to build slowly. So guys, pace it that way. And gals, if he isn't, then you do it. Don't need to explain it, just do it!

Wishing you the love of your life and here to help you find it!

Susan Dunn, M.A.
Dating Coach
sdunn@susandunn.cc

Call me for coaching. Why leave romance to chance??

Dating Coach

I know how it is -- you've been looking for ages, had some dates that didn't work out, and some dates that really didn't work out ... and suddenly he/she appears. You are so excited!

But remember, everyone's got 'nerves' ...

From the emailbag:

Sultan writes: "I knew she the one for me. So I didn't call a
lot. I wanted to slow the pace."

Merita writes: It's like I wanted to always save something for next
time. I took it easy and honest to gosh, it really worked out."

Pacing is everything. Nancy Fenn wrote that Gabriel Garcia Marquez quotes Simon Bolivar as saying, “There is no mistake in courtship which can be made up for.”

So take it slow, get some coaching, and keep the faith! They're looking for you just as hard as you are looking for them.