It was too late, I had no choice

Feleeshia writes:

AN EMERGENCY PLEEEEZ HELP ME

From the other (non-private) blog, changed a bit for confidentiality):

Question: i met da guy in the apts where i live for school!!!when i first meet him we talk and we were cool he had lots of chiks in his town and i knew he was abad boy!!anyways he use to come ova so one day we dont know how it happened but we kiss sine than things have progreesed but i knew i wont have him because of his chiks anyways we started faving sex!!so than i realised that maybe he is just using me i told him so and he said that we are not going out we are just friends with benefits!!!i got upset but it was too late i was completely in love with him and i had no choice !!!

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The reality of the genders is that women often 'lose it' at this point, emotionally, while men do not necessarily. Smart girls wait until they know how the guy feels and make sure he is emotionally available before getting invested in the relationsthip.

She continues on for quite a while, and there is a lot of pain. This sort of suffering, letting yourself slop into something without knowing what's going , and the stressful and sad aftermath, can be avoided by putting off sex until you know what's going on.

Ladies, there is always a CHOICE. (Our freedom lies between the impulse and the action - check out THE EQ COURSE. <--- a wonderful investment in your future.)

If you let this happen once, it's for sure you won't do it again, because it feels awful.

The best cure is the prevention. Smart girls get Dating Coaches. They don't have to say "I don't know how it happened."

What Not to Tell

Let's face it. We've all had full lives, and a bit of this and a bit of that. And later on in a relationship, after you get to know one another, it's appropriate to share more about your lives.

Early on, you want to present yourself in the best light. Don't use early dates to talk about negative things about yourself. So you got fired from a job. Why bring it up? There's an explanation behind it, but that's for later on. Or you lost the plane tickets, or set the yard on fire when you were burning undergrowth, or you got lost in your new town and were driving the wrong way down the highway.

These are funny if someone knows you and knows these were one-time occurrences. But delivered just off-the-cuff, your date has nowhere to place them. Anecdotes like that can make you sound like a someone who is incompetent, unemployable, dangerous to live with, unstable, etc.

You're also the person who got an A+ on the certification exam, got emergency plane tickets for the family, has just gotten a promotion at work, and has never had a ticket!

Concentrate on the positives.

P.S. This applies to exes. We've all got them. You don't need to go into it. It's not something to get into early on.

Don't Tease

Dating is a process. It should be slow so you can get to know each other in different circumstances over time. You can find out how they behave when they're tired, what they're like around kids, how they 'travel,' how demanding their work schedule is and how much devoted to it they are, how they treat their mother/father, how they spend their money ... all sorts of things.

More than a couple of dates and each of you is going to be thinking 'marriage.' So don't tease.

Guys, if there's a gift occasion coming up, choose anything but a ring. Because she'll see the ring box and think ... and then, oh my. There are plenty of other jewelry choices - pin, necklace, bracelet.

And ladies, don't inivite him over for an intimate dinner, when you aren't planning to sleep with him yet, and then see him to the door and expect him not to be angry (i.e., frustrated).

Orchestrate things for a nice, steady pace, and for the long haul. And don't tease. That's just not nice.

Breaking up is hard to do

What do you think of this? You can dial directly into someone else's voicemail to leave a message, without the phone ringing.

From the NZ Herald in an article called Break Up and then Hang Up:

The old song had it right: Breaking up is hard to do. But a free new phone service called Slydial might make it easier to get through that and other awkward moments - without actually having to talk to anyone. American service Slydial lets you connect directly with another person's cell phone voice mail, bypassing the traditional ringing process that often results - sometimes disastrously - with someone picking up on the other end.

The founder adds:

"Everybody has gone through the scenario where they've called somebody and just hoped they got voice mail so they didn't have to gave a conversation," he said."Everybody has gone through the scenario where they've called somebody and just hoped they got voice mail so they didn't have to have a conversation," he said.

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I think we'd all agree that's a crummy way to break up with someone, but there can certainly be other dating uses for this service.

Also just for times when you need to contact someone and simply do not have time for a conversation.

You can read more about it here: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/feature/story.cfm?c_id=1501833&objectid=10523025

What to say about your weight

Oh this is a "loaded" issue if there ever was one.

Recently from clients:

• I don't have a photo on my profile because I'm fat (woman)


• He says on his profile that he wants slim women. I'm not and never will be.


• He says he doesn't want any fatties and he's 5'10" and says he weighs 235, so we could add 10 lbs. to that I bet. Don't you think that's hypocritical?

Solutions:

There are two thrusts here. Men, particularly, have a hard time understanding that appearances change. You know - they marry the woman hoping she will never change. I coach you to take under advisement when the man leads with "appearance," just as I tell men to take is under advisement if she leads with "what's your income?"

This is not necessarily so, but there are strong signals he wants arm candy, and she wants a sugar daddy. When there's so much more to a person and a relationship than what a persons looks like and how much money they make.

Second thrust, if you don't like your appearance, that is something you can change. On your profile and emails, present yourself in the best light, yes, but you might as well tell it like it is. Because he's going to meet you in person eventually. If like, the first woman, you are holding back, like on a photo, because you don't think you present well - then get busy changing that!

Word is - most men won't consider a profile that doesn't have a photo.

Tough Dating Questions

One of the things that comes up when we're dating is the subject of exes. Former dates, lovers, partners and spouses.

How do we deal with this?

Well, the less said the better.

If you were hooked up with a Nobel prize winner or a super model, the person is going to feel like they can't compete. If you were hooked up with a loser, they're going to wonder what's wrong with you, your choices, and therefore, what THEY are doing there.

Work with your Dating Coach to come up with responses that don't get you in trouble from the get-go.

We've all got exes. Maybe it's best to leave it at that??

Contact me for coaching if you would like help with this complicated topic - or others that come up, like:

• You've been married TWO times?
• How long do you plan to keep working?
• Wait a minute ... you've been single 20 years??
  
• How come you never got married (at all)?
• Your marriage only lasted two years?
• Are you willing to relocate?
• We live 500 miles apart. The distance is too great.

Everyone's looking. There's a partner for everyone. So call me and get back on track! 817-741-7223, or email to sdunn@susandunn.cc .

If Her Daddy's Rich Take Her Out for a Meal

WHERE YOU TAKE HER ON THE DATE MATTERS

If you get it wrong, you won't even get out the starting gate, guys.

Remember that old song, If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal; if her daddy's poor just do what you feel.

OK, let's dismiss "gold-digger" first of all. If you can't recognize a gold-digger, please call me for coaching immediately. No one wants to be involved with someone like that.

This is a light-hearted ditty about dating, and there's a bit of wisdom in there. Guys, it pays to get it right. If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal. (P.S. Not just ANY meal.)

In the emailbag:

Well he finally called and asked me out. To Barnyard Buffet. Just not my type of place. Shows he's not the right guy for me. Too bad it didn't work out.

How do you tell? Let me coach you. Remember - "In courtship, as in war, there is no way to survive a tactical blunder."

I've talked to hundreds of men and women dating, and I know how to 'read' a profile.

I can also show you how to look for criminal record, cost of their home, etc.

Smart Dating Warriors have a plan, and they use scouts to get information. :-)

P.S. If you're saying, "But I can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant," think again. Asking a woman to meet you at Starbucks on a Sat. morning signals that you are doing the equivalent of mass-mailing a formula-email + wink, to tons of women.

No, you can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant. Why would you want to? Be selective and be savvy. It shows. It matters.