There is no such thing as safe sex

As a Dating Coach, I keep up on the Internet dating sites as well as things around town.

IN VOGUE (from the guys): "Friends first"
TRANSLATION: Ladies, I will say this over and over again. It is the MEN who cannot handle sex too soon. Despite that they will ALWAYS accept it if offered. I have heard of so many good relationships, potential-marriage relationships that were ruined because sex came too soon and the man felt "in over my head" or "out of control." (Yes, ladies, I know -- you'd think that would be the once-in-a-lifetime they would LOOK for. Not.)

TRANSLATION: This is when (they tell me) they start having car accidents, double-booking clients, forgetting important meetings, CANCELING important meetings, losing track of time, getting SICK (that's a big sign).

Ladies, it is up to YOU to CONTROL THE PACE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. And it is to yur advantage to do so.

A good time frame to allow sex into the relationship? 3 months is a "rule of thumb," but that can be too soon for some men. Use your feminine intuition. (Let me help you hone yours. It's part of emotional intelligence and can be learned.)

Men need time to ANALYZE what is going on. It is HARD-WIRED that they have to pay attention and be alert at all times, and sex, well you know -- I think it's safe to say what I read on a teen blog the other day:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX. ALL SEX IS DANGEROUS.

The Role of Attraction

Attraction plays such a major role in our dating. This is particularly difficult to handle if you're dating after a divorce. You are likely to be attracted to the same sort of individual, and yet are still full of all the negatives about the ex. After all, opposites attract and then repel.

In their book "It's Actually Your Parents Fault," the authors give you two solutions. Marry someone you aren't that attracted to, or change your personality.

I would phrase this another way. You are likely to be attracted to the same type all your life -- men more than women do this. And intellectually you know its because that other person has traits you admire, wish you had, etc. Then they get irritating, because ... because YOU DON'T HAVE THEM. The neatnik married the free spirit, and the games begin.

But it's the game it's about. I would be sad, I think to marry someone you "aren't that attracted to," because then there won't be that bond that binds.

And changing your personality is not in my vernacular. Lets look at it as becoming jore self-aware, raising your emotional intelligence and your relationship skills. Intellectually you know you love him because you're emotional and tend to worry, and he's solid like a rock. So don't forget that when the fighting starts! You married him BECAUSE OF those things. Use them. Learn how to work with them.

P.S. And help your OTHER remember, always, why he fell in love with you in the first place.

For dating coaching, call me at 817-734-1471. Offices in Manassas, Va and Chevy Chase, Md.