The Role of Attraction

Attraction plays such a major role in our dating. This is particularly difficult to handle if you're dating after a divorce. You are likely to be attracted to the same sort of individual, and yet are still full of all the negatives about the ex. After all, opposites attract and then repel.

In their book "It's Actually Your Parents Fault," the authors give you two solutions. Marry someone you aren't that attracted to, or change your personality.

I would phrase this another way. You are likely to be attracted to the same type all your life -- men more than women do this. And intellectually you know its because that other person has traits you admire, wish you had, etc. Then they get irritating, because ... because YOU DON'T HAVE THEM. The neatnik married the free spirit, and the games begin.

But it's the game it's about. I would be sad, I think to marry someone you "aren't that attracted to," because then there won't be that bond that binds.

And changing your personality is not in my vernacular. Lets look at it as becoming jore self-aware, raising your emotional intelligence and your relationship skills. Intellectually you know you love him because you're emotional and tend to worry, and he's solid like a rock. So don't forget that when the fighting starts! You married him BECAUSE OF those things. Use them. Learn how to work with them.

P.S. And help your OTHER remember, always, why he fell in love with you in the first place.

For dating coaching, call me at 817-734-1471. Offices in Manassas, Va and Chevy Chase, Md.