Dating Success = Marraige

Where do you meet the right person?

I attended a family wedding last weekend. Is there anything more sentimental than the first dance as bride and groom?

The groom, the usual 30 year old, has been dating and looking. His work takes him all over the world. We wondered if he would ever find someone.

He did.

Guess where?

At a bakery in his own small home town. He went in for bread. She was selling bagels. He thought bagels a better idea ... and brought home bagels as well as a date.

Keep looking, and let me help you with Dating Coaching, because action and intent matter, as well as getting out. But there really is no telling when you will meet the partner of your dreams.

Another client of mine just met a great guy at the neighborhood convenience store. "I couldn't believe my eyes," she told me. What if her eyes had not been OPEN. What if she thought - you could never meet anyone at a convenience store.

Keep your eyes and heart open.

Let me guide you. email sdunn@susandunn.cc for Dating Coaching. If you've run out of ideas, let me share some with you!

The Dating Coach Gets Rave Reviews

Susan Dunn, the Dating Coach ... I love my work so much, I volunteer as expert on a major website.

Recently Erin asked me why she couldn't "keep" a man. She didn't have trouble attracting them, but they always left. She asked me what she was doing wrong, and what she should do differently.

Here's how she rated my answer, which the website requests they do:

knowledgeability - 10
helpfulness - 10
timeliness - 10
politeness - 10

Comment - Those 10's are not accidents. I see the boxes and I'm giving her 10's for all of it. Not only did she answer me fast and accurate but she gave me ideas I never even thought of or forgot to write about. She doesn't sugar coat. That puts a film on things that makes it impossible to learn. Excellent expert you have here.

I was also nominated again as volunteer of the month.

No, I don't sugar coat. I figure if you're stuck, my sympathy doesn't help. What you need is straight talk and an action plan. You're paying me for advice that works, and that's what I give. I don't want to "put a film" on things so you can't learn. I don't know anyone who would keep doing something unsuccessful if they were shown a better way to do it! I've had years of experience at this, plus an M.A. in Clinical Psychology, and I work hard to help you maneuver today's impossible dating scene, and find the partner you are looking for.

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-734-1471.

You can check out your latest ratings at http://www.allexperts.com/expert.cgi?m=1&catID=844&expID=75760.
Following is the question information:

Is Sarah Palin the woman for you?

Is Sarah Palin the woman for you?

Why am I asking this on a dating site.

Probably like you, I'm on a lot of social email lists - you know where the funnies, videos, and political stuff gets passed around.




And there's a certain group list that just can't get off Sarah Palin - sending photos of her holding fish, dressing moose, etc. with comments like "the ideal woman."

Lets generalize and say there are "types" of women, okay? There's the tomboy, the lady, the intellectual, the arm candy, the mom, and so forth.

When you're perusing the dating sites, or talking to men you meet when you are out and about you need to figure out just what the man is looking for in a woman. I CAN HELP YOU.

Obviously these men sending the emails about Sarah Palin are not imagining going to the opera with her, raising a family with her, helping her weed her rose garden, or snuggling in front of the fireplace with her. They're picturing an activity partner - a woman who will go fishing and hunting with them, camp out, not complain about dirty restrooms, dig the Harley convention and so forth.

Now what are you after? Here are some questions to answer (and to discover about the man you're dating).

Read this list. Ponder. Then let me help you find the right partner for this.

• Activity partner - boating and fishing and skiing with him, no makeup, must be doing ACTIVE things which generally do not involve emotional interchange or conversation. Except for how best to dress that moose, or where the best quail will be.


• Travel partner - not the same thing. You want to take trips a couple of times a year. Could be transatlantic on the Queen Mary, or backpacking in Paris hostel. Your focus, what you live for is to take those trips! You want to see the world!


• Intellectual companionship - you read and learn and discuss, and so does he. Life is about learning and interesting conversation is the best activity there is and the most important thing in a partner.


• Parenting - you want more kids and to raise a family


• Marriage. You want someone to join with you in all ways and build a new life together. For better or for worse.


• Romance! Not at all the same thing. You want the "highs" - the infatuation, the sweet words and constant affirmations, when it's fun and easy and sexually exciting. The intoxication of the "up" side of "falling in love."


• Soul-mate. You tell me what this means! Like Tristan and Isolde, like the people in Verdi's opera, and Robert Browning's poetry. Or like Sarkovsky said (though it wasn't true, and often the things said aren't) - "We will not, indeed we do not know how to part."


• Friends. Lower tone. Pals, buddies. Emotions and sex not that intense and not the most important thing. You know...FRIENDS. Hanging out. Doesn't have the physical-activity thing of "activity partner."


• Affair. You do not intend to get emotionally involved. You do not intend for it to last. You meet infrequently. It's in the moment. No plans need be made and no strings attached.
  
• Sugar Daddy/Arm Candy. It's all about who'se got the toys. You want a rich man who will support you and give you things. He wants arm candy.

How Do You Get Him to Marry You

How do you get him to marry you?



As a Dating Coach, I've worked with a lot of women who were looking for a husband. They may be in different stages of a relationship, but the big question is, "How do I get him to MARRY me?"

A client writes: He moved in about 6 months ago. I don't understand why he won't marry me. I cook all his meals, do his clothes, take care of his kids when he has to work on the weekend and it's his weekend to have them. I've even entertained his mother when she was in town. The sex is great. I just don't get it. He won't even pay half the utility bill or pay for part of the groceries. Why won't he marry me?

The Dating Coach answers: Why would he?

It used to be called "don't give the cow away with the milk." In the situation this woman writes about, she is behaving like a wife in all aspects, so what is the incentive for this man to marry her.

Men who are looking for marriage will usually NOT move in with the woman. They behave differently.

• How do you tell what man is "the marrying kind" and what man isn't?
• How do you know when to cut your losses and move on?
• How can you set it up from the beginning so that if he loves you, marriage will be on his mind?
• How can you attract the kind of man who marries?
• What's the difference between romance, an affair, and dating for marriage?

Let me guide you and be your Dating Coach.

eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's talk. Dating is more complicated than it ever has been. I'm here to help.

How Tidy or Messy is Your Date?

The Dating Coach wants to talk about compatibility today.

Compatibility is what it's all about in looking for a partner you are going to live with, and make a life with. Physical attraction doesn't always go along with this, so be sure and take your time and put on your "thinking cap."

One of the key relationship issues that develops after the 'rush of love' subsides is how you live. We see this in offices as well, between bosses and secretaries, for instance.

When you meet someone, and first go their home and see their car, take a good long look.

From the mailbag:

Dear Dating Coach,

I met this really neat guy. Liked him a whole lot. Went over to his house to watch one of his opera tapes and oh my! His house is immaculate, like nothing on counters, pictures arranged sparsely on bookcase, desk with nothing on it. He doesn't really do anything now he's retired except take walks and trips.

I think if he saw my house he would croak. I work full time, run a home business, have a million interests, chair a board, am always studying something and there are books and files all over. My desk is full. That's because I'm a "visual" filer. I can't put things away and then find them. I've had bosses who could care less, and one who fired me because my desk was messy.

Also I 'live' in my car and it's messy. There's nothing in his.

What do you think the chances are of the two of us together?

Thanks, Sibyll

________________

Well, just reading this, what would YOU say? Could these two find a way to compromise? It's not likely. Could one learn to live with the way the other one does? Does love conquer all?

The Dating Coach - about your profile name

Bozo. How's that for an online name?

Guys, let's talk a minute about what name you choose for your profile on an Internet dating site.

I'm not saying don't be "you," but according to my focus group, here are some names found recently on sites that were very unappealing to women.

oldyarddog
barfly
exboozer
smartoldguy
dixie00dude
charlie54flame
hope_find
buzz25wow
bluewaterdog
hairball
tomcat
wildman
jydgeek
shadow
shifty56
jarhead

Ones they found appealing or neutral:

fortune500smile
happyguy
One4U?
charlie450
bestfriends
198841
141Male
pendletx50
CX8tampa
searching12
maybeso
readyforlove
soul_mate


Let me help you choose a name the will work for you on your profile. Remember, men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears (words, sounds).

Susan Dunn, M.A., Dating Coach
sdunn@susandunn.cc

Dating Coach - Focus Group Results

Are you looking for a partner online?





As a Dating Coach, I'm always gathering new information. I had a Focus Group the other day to find out more. We talked, got online, and I took notes! From actual men and women who are currently on numerous dating sites, I found out the following:





MEN

• Men go to the photo, and back to the photo, and back to the photo.


• They say they read the profile, but they skim itr.


• If it's more than a paragraph, they get irritated.


• Research says the ideal length is about 100 words


• If men "run to type," it is something more than hair color. Men's lists of favorites contained blonds, brunettes and red heads. I could 'glom on' to a "type" but it was subtle. Things more like serious, or fun, or warm, or friendly, or romboy, or classy


• They are truly puzzled by most of the emails they receive. They say they don't know what to do.


• Many, especially men of action, like to write -- Here's my phone number. Call me.


• They don't like to read anything about exes, former bad treatment, or anything negative


• If the woman has no full length photo, they say "something's wrong" and move on.


• From their emails I read, women don't send a lot of 'canned' emails.


• Men refuse to get on a site and look at other guy's profiles, so they miss some information about the competition.
  
• They do the research - they check to see if the woman has looked at their profile or read their email.

WOMEN

• Women read the profile carefully. They don't mind a couple of paragraphs, but a full page is a turnoff.


• They're turned off by men who write emails only telling about themselves and what they like to do. They like a few questions to answer - like it were a give-and-take conversation.


• They are turned off when there are only interests such as hunting, go-karting, car auctions, target shooting, fishing. Especially if there is only one interest listed like (true example) - driving my new car.


• Women carefully look over the entire photograph. They are turned off by junk in the background, bare chests, photos of the man in a bar with a woman draped over his shoulder, unshaven or sloppy clothes, shots they take of themselves with their cell phone aimed at the bathroom mirror.


• They like to see a photo of the guy's house - but it better have a well-manicured yard and no junk or car parts on the patio.


• They are puzzled by the emails they receive.


• They prefer the guy ask them for their phone number.


• Manners matter a lot.


• Women can tell when they've gotten a 'canned' email - same one sent to 100 women.


• Women often peruse the profiles of other women to get information about the competition, and better ideas for writing!
  
• Yes women are really turned off by bad spelling and grammar.

Timing is a problem for both genders. Why hasn't he written me back? Remember that some people are at a computer all day long, while others might only check once a week.

Your profile matters. Let me help you shape up your profile. There is someone for you out there, lets make your profile more appealing. I also help interpret email responses and help you write better ones, ones that work.

The Dating Coach, Susan Dunn. That's what I do. I work with clients all over the U. S.

The Worst Thing a Man Can Write on His Dating Profile

The Worst Thing a Man Can Write on his Internet Dating Profile

I love statistics. They guide us through the maze. They allow us to put probability on our side. My Dating Coaching is full of them, and they incorporate into RULES.

Here's one for the guys:

According to eharmony.com research, 'THE SINGLE MOST COMMON COMPLAINT FROM WOMEN ABOUT MEN'S PROFILES IS THAT THEY ARE MISSPELLED AND/OR ILLITERATE.'

I have seen this on the profiles of men who are CEOs, hairdressers, construction workers, lawyers and physicians.

LET ME HELP YOU WRITE YOUR PROFILE. When a woman looks at a profile like this (this is a real one, details omitted to protect the guilty) - excerpts:

I AM [name),I AM INTO [occupation],DIVORCED,NOW LOOKING FOR A WOMAN TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH.I HAVE ONLY ONE DAUGHTER ... There is not ideal person, and sometimes I can be a little stubborn and forgetful. ... I like to go out to/and: I can drink a good bottle of wine ... and then i decided i send u a message

What are you to make of this? Most women delete it and move on, according to research.

Don't let that be you! Call me about Dating Coaching - 817-734-1471. I'll help you write a profile that represents you and works ... work with you on photos ... opening lines ... etiquette ... review emails with you. I work hard for you to get you the partner you need.

Susan Dunn, M.A.

The Dating Coach

When You Get Rejected (or Appear to Be)

Dear Dating Coach:

3 days ago I got a nice email from this guy asking me out to dinner. It was nice and I was considering accepting the date. Then I went out of town on business. When I got back today, this is what was in my mailbox on the dating site:

YOU missed out on a free meal and good company. But thats ok, by you not responding in any,shows me the type of person you are. At least I could have received a no thank you for the offer. In fact I had even written my sister saying this was the kind of email I liked to get.

What do you think of that? What should I do? -- A Surprised Dater

Dear Surprised Dater:

I think this man doesn't understand the rules of online dating, and also has been rejected a lot - not a good sign. That's quite an over-reaction, followed be unnecessary defensive rudeness.

RULES:

1. Some people spend all day on their computers. Other people might check in once a week.


2. I advise all women to wait at least 24 hours to reply to email or phone.


3. Speed of reply is not an indication of interest or lack of interest. It's personal style. Be patient.


4. Here's how it works. If someone doesn't respond to you (like in a month), or writes they aren't interested, just move on. Don't take it personally. There's no need to make any response to them. There are plenty of fish in the sea.


5. Lastly, gentlemen, ladies are not after "a free meal," they want your companionship, a pleasant evening, to get to know you and have a good time.


6. Doing this is bad karma. Don't ask me why, it just is. What goes around comes around.

What do I think? He HAS issues, and he LACKS manners. You dodged a bullet.

What should you do? Guilt isn't mandatory, just say "no" and reject people who deal it. Delete the email and move on.

Dating coaching - in person (Dallas area), by phone, 817-734-1471, by email. Call me for a free consultation and we can discuss options and plans. Let me help you connect up with the partner of your dreams.