Dating, Hugs and Oxytocin

There's nothing like moving somehwere to get a new perspective on things. It's like vacations. My grandmother used to tell me, "Every now and then you need to get away. When you're 'away' you will look at all your problems like you were way up on the moon, and they were far, far away."

Well, not surprisingly, here in the D. C. area, things are "cooler" than they were in hot, hot San Antonio, and I'm not just talking about the weather here. As I wrote earlier, a man who has lived here quite a while, but also a transplant, told me 'The women here don't look you in the eye. They look everywhere else.' You also don't see a lot of physical contact, and, for instance, the distance between people when you stand in line, like at Starbucks (proximity) is much greater.

The same goes for other modes of nonverbal expression, like hugs, which I decided to write about today, because it's mentioned so much. I was prompted to by watching a video touting the release of oxytocin that you get from a 20 SECOND HUG, which I think might be called holding someone, or being held. 20 seconds is a very long time for a "social hug." That having been said, what I wanted to add here is that only in an area like D.C. could there be a radio show like "Delila" which is on the popular station at night. It is THE most touchy-feely radio show you can imagine, with people invited to call in and talk about their love - lost, current, unrequited, etc. and anything else emotional. People call in who have lost a spouse, are having trouble with their neighbors, have witnessed child abuse and want to know what to do about it, are grieving a job, etc. Delila comments and then plays them a song she chooses as appropriate. She also gives advice to the lovelorn. All this in Washington, D. C. and ... no one ever owns up to listening to it. Since I meet with clients a good bit at night (for their convenience) I hear it often. It is always soothing.

Okay -- let's take a look at hugs.

Oxytocin is a hormone that relaxes blood pressure and cortisol levels, increases pain thresholds, reduces anxiety, and stimulates various types of positive social interation. It also promotes growth and healing. It is best-known as the lactating hormone, but it's around and released in other ways, particularly hugging.

OK, it's released with orgasm too, but particularly when there is DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION, i.e., the difference between "having sex" and "making love."
It plays an important role in stress and pain. Repeated exposure to oxytocin produces long-lasting effects by influencing the activity of other transmitter systems. Oxytocin can be released by various types of sensory stimulation, for example by touch and warmth, light, sounds (music), massage, hugs, sex and the ingestion of food.

This is one explanation for why positive interaction involving touch and psychological support, such as therapy, coaching, etc. can be so beneficial. You can see here as well why ISOLATION is harder on the health than obesity, blood pressure and smoking COMBINED. And why it's so important to have good emotional intelligence -- so you can have lots of great relationships. (Call me for coaching!)

How It Works

If you've read my ezines and/or taken the Emotional Intelligence course, you know all about the amygdala, and this figures in here.

Oxytocin suppresses the activity of the amygdala, which processes fear and communicates it to the rest of the brain, controls fear and anxiety, and detects threat stimuli and links them to defensive behaviors via the brain stem and hypothalamic structures, which organize fear responses. Oxytocin tempers the excitatory inputs into the amygdala.

This is why we say, when we're falling in love, "I feel safe."

You can see how beneficial this all is. I'm sure, too, you can recognize people whose amygdala is set just a bit too high. Where everything seems like a threat to them.

So get out there and give and get your hugs, and getcha some!