About online dating sites and your profile

Online dating sites are becoming more popular all the time. Sites such as match.com and chemistry.com that allows all comers, and then the more specialized sites such as jdate, and seniorpeoplemeet, and loveand seek.

Everyone has less time to date these days, with jobs being more demanding, and commutes taking up more time. Therefore, we turn to the Internet dating sites to meet other like-minded individuals. As a Dating Coach, I repeatedly am asked, "But where can I meet someone? I'm too busy." Well, consider that others are feeling this way too.

If you are going to be on an Internet dating site, your profile, and your profile photo are key. Basically speaking, men are keyed into visuals, and the photo is most important. And women are keyed into words, so the written profile matters a lot.

There are certain things to keep in mind when writing a profile. First of all, let me recommend that you get a coach to help you write it. Yes, it's that complicated.

As a Dating Coach, I've perused thousands of profiles, and more than that, I've heard from hundreds of clients about what works and what doesn't.

Here are a few of the basics.

While you should feel free to show who you are, good grammar and spelling still count. Women, particularly, are turned off by poorly written profiles. This includes words that are misspelled, grammatical errors such as run-on sentences, and sentences where Every Word is Capitalized.

While you don't want to sound too stilted, you do want to sound like someone well enough educated to string together some correct sentences.

That having been said, we will all forgive the odd spelling and grammar mistake, and the obvious typo, if what the person says is engaging.

Most of all, we want to get a feel for what the person is like, to see if it's worth taking that next step and contacting them. We want to know what "compatibility" means to them -- and trust me, for each person it is different. While one man wants a hard-driving career woman for a partner, another man wants the traditional wife to stay home and keep his house for him while he works and is the sole provider. While one woman wants a serious engineer for a spouse, another thinks only a marketing person, or sales person is exciting and versatile enough. Don't be afraid to show who you are, and, just as importantly, to say what you are looking for.

Here are portions of some profiles that have gotten good reviews. Some I wrote for clients, and come they wrote themselves. See what you think, and feel free to share you thoughts. I also include many examples on my facebook site. Please invite me to be your friend on facebook.

EXAMPLES OF GOOD PROFILES:

45 y.o. m: Hi, Have you ever been so excited about something you couldnt contain yourself, so excited that you wanted to scream YEEEEAAAAHHH ... that is how excited I want to be about you!!!!.... I love all music from Metallica to The Cleaveland Symphony Orchestra, I walk/run 4 miles a dayl...I give a 100% and I want the same from you.. I believe in chemistry and I know what I like, You probably do too

‎21 y.o. male: Generally, I’ve always been a guy about breaking barriers and jumping out of my comfort zone and I’m looking for someone who’s likes to do the same. Staying positive is key: I love to be with people who can see the glass as half full, and extra points for a great smile, especially when dealing with my sarcasm! I love being around people and enjoy every chance to meet someone new,

21 y.o. female: I just moved to Maryland from Florida after graduating with my bachelors degree in Psychology. I hope to continue on to graduate school sometime soon but right now I'm concentrating on working. I find it a bit hard to describe myself, because honestly I'm a little bit of everything. That probably comes from living in a lot of different places because I'm an Air Force brat.

60 y.o. male: Four days a week, I am a practicing attorney and mediator, specializing in family law, who also manages real estate which I have acquired in the Historic District of Annapolis. In my spare time (which I hope to expand), I love taking trips to places near and far--including a lake house I own in New Hampshire. I also enjoy digital photography

50 y.o. male: My family comes first and is "everything to me". I would love to find that special someone who shares my view of the cosmos and with whom I can communicate in every way. That person would enjoy spending time with me and sharing all the wonderful things that life has to offer while, at the same time, retaining her own identity and not feeling compelled to abdicate

49 y.o. male: Anything in the mountains or by the water is enjoyable. I travel the globe as a function necessary for my chosen career and to name any one place would be difficult. I do enjoy Italy and Ireland but always enjoy coming home to refuel. I enjoy music from the fifties and sixties, big band sounds, the occasional opera. TV is reduced to Learning and Discovery Channels and football playoffs...

66 y.o. female: I don't say "friends first," because "friends" is something else. I need a man in my life who will txt or call me in the day to tell me what just happened at work, and check and see if I'm safe on the road, who loves life as I do, and loves to be in love. Someone I can't wait to see at the end of the day, can't wait to wake up to in the morning, & who feels the same way about me.

43 y.o. female: I admire and respect people who do good when no one is watching, who believe in paying it forward, who create happiness around them, have the courage to risk failure and rejection, and do not see the world as black or white. I enjoy creating a warm and happy home life for my man. I believe that life is about those small moments of magic....

If you'd like help writing a profile that works, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I offer dating coach to help you get out of the dating world and into the relationship you've longed for.

What American Men Can Learn from a Good Nigerian Romance Scammer

I'm currently working with a client who is plagued by Nigerian (presumably) Romance Scammers.

I've helped her identify them - and today alone, through match.com, she had 3 contacting her, and then a 4th via facebook. 2 of the ones from match.com were on her "daily match."

Surefire clues --

-- They want to go to yahoo IM immediately and have monikers like mikewest144.
-- You will find out right away that they are an "engineer"
-- They will mention they are either on their way to Nigeria or Malaysia or that they are already there

One of hers said he was coming back to America and could she meet him at the airport. "What airport?" she asked, and he replied, "O'Hare International Airport." When she lives in San Antonio, Texas.

-- They will say they are born in Europe, but live in the US, in some place they cannot tell you anything about. For instance, they live in San Antonio and you ask about the Alamo, and they change the subject
-- They do not answer your questions, they ask another one
-- They are incredible misfortunate - their child is sick (they are always a widower), they are in the hospital, their child is in the hospital, their mother is dying. They need money for this ... and then for the plane ticket ... and then for customs ...

That having been said, there are things an American man can learn from the best of the Nigerian scammers. These are related by one of my clients who was in the hands of a really astute Nigerian scammer:

--They use the phrase "I am here" and "I've got your back" and "I'll stand by you," and "I'll never go away"
--They are online seemingly 24/7, and always available for the woman they are 'courting'
--They talk about family, obligations, and the fact that they won't run
--They say they will do anything for family, and will make sacrifices
--They shower the woman with attention - verbal, verbal, verbal
--They state that age doesn't matter (usually "age is a mare [sic] number")
--The best of them make very few grammatical errors, no more than a person typing would, like typos
--They have just the right tone of voice on the phone (albeit there is an accent, which they attribute to being born elsewhere, or all their travels)-sweet, full of emotion
--They are very emotional - will cry when reporting that their brother died in surgery, will show anger if you don't appear online for a day
--They say they will cook for the woman, retire her, take her around the world
--They use poetry and sweet words - copied off the Internet, but then what is a quote from Shakespeare but that -- a quote. Just that they don't attribute it. nevertheless, it works
--They use "honey" and "baby" liberally, and woman fall for this, trite as it is
--The photos they send are tasteful, good looking, well dressed, everything in place (nothing skanky). The best do not send anything porn-like.

The thing I want to say is that this is becoming as prevalent as the stupid email scams we've been getting for years (and still do), saying you've won the lottery in some foreigh country. If this woman received more than one in her daily match, look at what is going on.

Especially if you look classy or like you have money, you can expect to hear from these people regularly.

Do turn them in to match.com if you get one, and also to the scam sites if you like. Here is one place to report if scammed re: Malaysia.

They write:

An increasing number of Americans have been victims of scams originating in Malaysia. Con artists contact Americans through the internet, including dating web sites. These con artists usually pose as American citizens who have unexpectedly experienced a medical, legal, financial or other type of emergency in Malaysia that requires immediate financial assistance.

You can also report to the Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Here are some romance scam sites:
Romance scam
Travel.State.Gov
Yahoo Romance Scam Info
Nigerian Dating Scam with Photos

If you check out these sites, you will see that the same phrases are used over and over. They will generally send the scammed stuff via email, not the IM. If you feel suspicious, copy the email and google it, and you will likely find it was scammed off the Internet, and appears over and over on these romance-scam sites.

You will find certain photos are used repeatedly. They are exceptionally appealing men, usually men that would pass for around 50 years of age, and they are generally models, but not always.

Here is one commonly used. Bear in mind the real person this is a photo of, is NOT the scammer:


This has been used with aliases such as Gabsy Fisher, John Armstrong, Joe, Mike, Scott Smith, Vincente Miguel, and more. The photos used are generally of men that could pass for multi-national.

So -- ladies beware when you are dating. This is becoming increasingly prevalent and has made its way into the legitimate dating sites such as match.com . There are places you can report this abuse.

But -- be aware that almost immediately the Nigerian scam artist will remove his profile from the site. (After all, it takes just a few minutes to set one up.) With the woman mentioned above, she got her dailies today, and by this evening, the man's profile was no longer online. And he had already told her his child was sick in the hospital.

The really good ones will work the relationship for a month or two, and they do a really good job at it.

Bear in mind that they are psychologically astute. If you sound desperate, lonely, like you are a pushover, that you are kind-hearted, that you always stand by people, if you react to their emotionality, that you like to help ... it will signal them to keep at it.

Good luck!

SUSAN DUNN, DATING COACH - 817-734-1471, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Photos Not to Post on your Dating Profile

PHOTOS ON YOUR DATING PROFILE

Let's talk a moment about what kind of photos you want to put on your dating profile. Guys seem to be the worst offenders in this are, so let's start with photos on your dating profile that are not going to attract a woman to want to date you. Or maybe even to MEET you.

1. I think I can safely say (from interviewing thousands of women) that the #1 turnoff is the photo where you stand in the BATHROOM and take a photo of yourself with your SHIRT OFF and your CELL PHONE SHOWING IN THE PHOTO. What are you thinking? Usually the photo is - well, like a photo you take of yourself in the bathroom. Secondly, consider the connotations - which might include (1) you don't even have a friend who can photograph you? (2) I could wait a year before I wanted to see you in the bathroom; (3) No matter how good your pecs are, it just smacks of narcisissm, not to mention poor taste. I would say "if you must, at least make sure your bathroom looks appealing," except that there's no such thing. Save it.

2. Photos like the one above. It is a good photograph, I'll grant that (and there's something to be said for a man whose a great photographer), but ... somehow I can't really put this in to words. I suppose it means you like to fish. Ladies, if you love to fish, raise your hands. One, two ... Then, somehow this photo lacks what would come with a photo of you on a boat with a marlin or something.
The point is -- think of the connotations.

COMMENTS FROM DATING COACHING CLIENTS:

"If he wants to show me he's a good provider, he could put a big fish on there, or even a deer."

"Huh?"

"I guess he wants us to know he takes a good photograph. I'm not interested much in a man who takes good photographs."

"I like good photos and that, but hey, that's a dead, limp fish."

"LOL"

3. More generally, photos of your game and kill. I've seen photos of a deer hanging, a man in the field in his camou-gear. Worst are the ones (like the above) where just the kill is shown. After that, you with your gun/knife/rod AND the hunt. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm one of those that doesn't mind a guy hunting. Hey, I'm from Texas. But ... would you like to see a photo on my profile of me bowling. Or knitting. Or rocking a baby. These are hobbies. Things I like to do. But is my potential date quite interested in that yet?

To sum it up so far -- no kill, road or others. No bathroom scenes. And actually, most women don't care to see the naked torso on a profile.

Again, think of the connotations. You are putting on there something you love, but you aren't stopping to think what would be appealing to the woman, and that is like a metaphor. It's rather egocentric. And that's not exactly what we're after on our dating profiles.

Let me help you write a profile that will present you well, and help you choose photos that will help you sell yourself in a good light.

4. Tons of art photos. I visited one profile that had no less than 20 great, beautiful photos of nature. Another where the man's hobby wad evidentally bird-watching and there were a ton of bird photos on there. This is a matter of degree. Sure I like to know that a man's a great photographer, because it's one of my hobbies and like-attracts-like, BUT ... one or two would be enough. Also there's the problem that we don't know if it was YOU who took the photo. As i say above, I think it's neat when a guy's a great photographer, and even an appreciator of art, but that isn't explained. I like the Mona Lisa, and I took a great photo of the Mona Lisa when I was at the Louvres, but I don't put my photo of it on my profile.

5. Photos of you with another chick unless it's obviously your mother or daughter. And even then ... We try and screen out players. Help us out here.

6. Lastly, and the online dating sites do a good job of screening these, ladies don't like to see anything too suggestive. Let me sum this up for you -- people like to make money. If there were any money in porno sites for women there would be a ton of them. There aren't. Get it?

What you want is a small selection of great photos of yourself, or your art photos, that tell us who you are and what you're like, but that don't overdo it in any direction.

It's a good idea to let me critique your profile writeup and photos for you. You want to put your best foot forward.

Meeting Organically vs. The Other Ways

The question was raised recently - what's the best way to meet someone?

For one thing, I think this varies depending on the area of the country and the place where you live. In some places, there are known areas where singles can go and meet others like themselves. In other places, such as the D. C. area, it appears to be easier to meet people online. Just to begin with - finding other singles.

Now which works better for you? I think if you just SEE someone and they appeal to you, this is likely to be physical attraction alone. However, it seems to work very well when you meet someone in a context, such as through a Board you are both on, at work (always tricky though), or church. Then you get to know their personality, not just how they look.

Getting to know someone online, you already know some important things about the person, and these are generally things you wouldn't necessarily know from working with them, or being on a Board with them.

Let's face it, people meet in the most amazing ways. And it happens all the time. But those are chance things. I think there's something to be said for taking action, joining on online dating site, and letting the Universe know that you are interested.

If you need tips on how to screen online folks, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . A few trips around the block and I can tell you what signs to look for, who to delete right away (and why), and how to proceed. For instance, you want to move it rather rapidly from email to phone to in-person.

Dating online is probably the best way to meet people in the D. C. area where people work long hours, the commutes are long, and, well, it's the style.

Does it work for friends to fix you up -- or family. Most of the people I coach, say "no." Friends are always trying to help friends out in this area, but it's amazing - oh let me say sometimes really awful - to find out who your friends think might be a good date for you. You begin to wonder "What on earth?"

Yes, it works best for you to get out there and take action on your own behalf, because YOU KNOW BEST about what you want. If you need help clarifying this, please call me for coaching. "I like blonds" is not going to get you the life partner you want.

P.S. From what I hear from my many clients, as a dating coach, I would say the least likely way to meet viable candidates is through a match-making service.

Results of the Latest Dating Survey

SUSAN DUNN DATING COACH

I met tonight with a group to talk about dating. I do this often to keep my pulse on what's going on. Call it a "focus group."

The topic tonight was "What's a deal-breaker for you?"

Well, as with everything else about dating, everyone had a different MAJOR deal-breaker. The things mentioned were "apalling" to the person mentioning them, but seemed "ho hum" to the others. Of course we eliminated things like in-house arrest, sex offender,

There were some minor offenses people mentioned that turned them off. Among them were:
- Sounding desperate
- Too many exclamation points!!!
- Contrived phrases
- When it sounded like you'd had someone write your profile (there are certain phrases those canned writers supply that we all recognize, and that's why I recommend you use my services. Your profile will be unique to you and written for you by me, personally, with your input, of course)
- Bad gramer and spling
- Inappropriate emphasis on sex, money, or God
- A man who writes his daughter is everything to him
- References to being 'in recovery' about anything
- Indications of baggage that was debilitating (even though denied)

There was no consensus on anything physical such as color of hair, height, lack of hair, body size, or degree of 'good' looks. In fact it was obvious that in the physical category "one man's meat is another man's poison."

The absolute deal breaker was when they found out a person had lied. There was much consensus that men lied about their height and women, about their weight.

We agreed it was silly to lie, that you would be found out sooner or later, but still it goes on.

LET ME HELP YOU WRITE A PROFILE THAT SELLS. That's what it's all about, and we want you to have success in 2011. When you finally find the one that's right for you, it's all worthwhile.



There was only one deal-breaker that was agreed

Dating is Worth It

If you haven't tried, you haven't lived.
People tell me all the time that it's too hard these days, it takes too much work, the rejection gets to be too much, there isn't any true love out there.

This is nonsense!

Yes, it's confusing, it's hard work, it requires committment and effort, but yes, too, it's worth whatever it takes. The fact that it IS hard, is why I'm here. Let me show you the ropes, spoof up your profile, heklp you get the right photo, choose the right online sites for you to join, encourage you when it seems impossible and celebrate with you when it finally qoeka out.

And remember this -- it's 100% rejection until it works out, and that applies to 100% of daters. So, you aren't alone. You especially aren't alone if you let me be your Dating Coach.

Take a look at this great video clip, and refresh your energy and committment to find that one special person for yourself.

Let Susan Dunn the Dating Coach, help you.


Susan Dunn is the DC Dating Coach.
Available for coaching by phone nationally and internationally. Susan Dunn has been the dating coach for hundreds of successful daters. Susan has coached singles of all ages - dating over 50 is one specialty. Email Susan Dunn the Dating Coach at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Dating after 50

Need singles over 50 who are dating to interview for new book. Please email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to set up interview time. Can be by phone or email. can be anonymous if you like. But you have information we need to know that can help everyone who's over 50 and sating.

the divorce rate for second marriages is astronomical. It is what is inflating the USS divorce rate (over 50%). The vast majority of this is SECOND MARRIAGES. Yet no one wants to live alone.

We want to interview people who are OVER 50 AND DATING. Please email us at sdunn@susandunn.cc

You know this is hard, I know it's hard. You either have no experience - being newly divorced or newly widowed, or you don't ask out/get asked out enough to gain experience. So, in response to desperate need, I'm co-authoring a book on Dating After 50. It will give our the rules AND the strategy. We'll help you figure out what he means when he says, or she says -- some of our favorites:

I don't need a LTR (Is that code for "just want sex"?)
Let's be friends first and see what happens (Is that code for I really just want sex but I'll sneak it up on you. To us, "friends" and "dates" are totally different animals.)
No druggies, liars, cheats, philanderers. (Is that code for I have attracted and lived with loser my whole life and I'm never going to change?)
I nedz nice woman date fr lifetime. (Is this code for an illiterate person?)
I'm a curmudgeon but I was lucky enough to have a wife who could love me in spite of this. (Is this code for - I have a nasty disposition but since I make good money I was able to get some poor woman to marry me. I pride myself in being unpleasant and my negativity will probably kill you like it did my first wife?)
The real reason I divorced her is that she beat me and she beat the kids. (Is that code for -- I like to be beaten and I'll induce you to beat me too?)

Send us your examples and what they turned out to mean in real life. If you would consent to be interviewed anonymously please email us at sdunn@susandunn.cc . We ALL need this information DESPERATELY.

Thank you and Happy Dating.

The High EQ Way to Choose the Right Man for You

The HIGH EQ Way to Choose the Right Man for You
Take a look inside him. Ask yourself these questions.

1. What's his EQ? Did you know you can measure it? Since your relationship depends upon your interpersonal skills, it would be smart if you both took the EQ-Map© and then worked with an EQ coach on areas needed. EQ can be learned. Go here - http://tinyurl.com/z94t .

2.Does he have deficits in the limbic brain? This is about eye contact, oxytocin, bonding, parenting, affection, using the word 'we'. If all you're getting is reptilian (sex ) and neocortex (intellectual), why give up good closet space when a Rampant Rabbit and Wikipedia would do?

3.How's the left- right brain balance? Talking to someone who's all left-brain is like getting facts from a machine. Talking to someone who's all right-brain ' they may not be organized enough to show up for the talk!

4.How 'male' brained is he? According to Simon Baron-Cohen ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0738208442/susandunnmome-2 0 ), the extreme male brain is good at systematizing, and low on empathy. It takes the average male 7 times longer to process emotional information than for a woman to. What if it takes him 70 times longer? What if he can't get there at all?

5. How does he manage his anger? You need to experience this. Don't make a decision until you've had your first big fight. Make sure you both trust yourselves and the relationship enough to be able to disagree openly and come to a resolution.

6.Will he be there for you? As Oriah Mountain Dream says, will he 'stand in the middle of the fire with [you] and not shrink back?' It's a sign of maturity and character to be able to stand and deliver when you feel like running.

7.Can he be faithful? This isn't a philosophical issue. If it happens to you, it can hit you in the gut.

Male infidelity may be intellectually defensible, but emotionally it destroys the covenant of the relationship the way the radioactive contamination from a nuclear bomb destroys vegetation. It won't be coming back in your lifetime, and without it, there is no relationship.

8.Does he know enough is enough? One should never use more force than is necessary. Can he think before he speaks and then deliver just the right amount. And no more. It shows empathy, self-confidence, and self-control. This means resisting all urges to deliver the big one-two he knows would really really hurt you in a verbal argument.

9.Do you laugh together? If there's anything you can count on to get you through the long haul, it's a sense of humor. Wit gets bonus points with me. It can be used in public, and can save your marriage on a 6-hour car trip with a carsick kid and a broken air-conditioner. Silliness -- now that's the sign of true lovers.

10.Does he say nice things to you about you and the relationship? The formula is 3 positive things for each negative thing. Does he do this? Is he willing to learn?

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks on relationships, emotional intelligence, career, transitions, retirement.

Susan is the author of 'Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women," available here: http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html , the best ebook library on the Internet.

For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and put 'ezine' for subject line.

Dating, Hugs and Oxytocin

There's nothing like moving somehwere to get a new perspective on things. It's like vacations. My grandmother used to tell me, "Every now and then you need to get away. When you're 'away' you will look at all your problems like you were way up on the moon, and they were far, far away."

Well, not surprisingly, here in the D. C. area, things are "cooler" than they were in hot, hot San Antonio, and I'm not just talking about the weather here. As I wrote earlier, a man who has lived here quite a while, but also a transplant, told me 'The women here don't look you in the eye. They look everywhere else.' You also don't see a lot of physical contact, and, for instance, the distance between people when you stand in line, like at Starbucks (proximity) is much greater.

The same goes for other modes of nonverbal expression, like hugs, which I decided to write about today, because it's mentioned so much. I was prompted to by watching a video touting the release of oxytocin that you get from a 20 SECOND HUG, which I think might be called holding someone, or being held. 20 seconds is a very long time for a "social hug." That having been said, what I wanted to add here is that only in an area like D.C. could there be a radio show like "Delila" which is on the popular station at night. It is THE most touchy-feely radio show you can imagine, with people invited to call in and talk about their love - lost, current, unrequited, etc. and anything else emotional. People call in who have lost a spouse, are having trouble with their neighbors, have witnessed child abuse and want to know what to do about it, are grieving a job, etc. Delila comments and then plays them a song she chooses as appropriate. She also gives advice to the lovelorn. All this in Washington, D. C. and ... no one ever owns up to listening to it. Since I meet with clients a good bit at night (for their convenience) I hear it often. It is always soothing.

Okay -- let's take a look at hugs.

Oxytocin is a hormone that relaxes blood pressure and cortisol levels, increases pain thresholds, reduces anxiety, and stimulates various types of positive social interation. It also promotes growth and healing. It is best-known as the lactating hormone, but it's around and released in other ways, particularly hugging.

OK, it's released with orgasm too, but particularly when there is DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION, i.e., the difference between "having sex" and "making love."
It plays an important role in stress and pain. Repeated exposure to oxytocin produces long-lasting effects by influencing the activity of other transmitter systems. Oxytocin can be released by various types of sensory stimulation, for example by touch and warmth, light, sounds (music), massage, hugs, sex and the ingestion of food.

This is one explanation for why positive interaction involving touch and psychological support, such as therapy, coaching, etc. can be so beneficial. You can see here as well why ISOLATION is harder on the health than obesity, blood pressure and smoking COMBINED. And why it's so important to have good emotional intelligence -- so you can have lots of great relationships. (Call me for coaching!)

How It Works

If you've read my ezines and/or taken the Emotional Intelligence course, you know all about the amygdala, and this figures in here.

Oxytocin suppresses the activity of the amygdala, which processes fear and communicates it to the rest of the brain, controls fear and anxiety, and detects threat stimuli and links them to defensive behaviors via the brain stem and hypothalamic structures, which organize fear responses. Oxytocin tempers the excitatory inputs into the amygdala.

This is why we say, when we're falling in love, "I feel safe."

You can see how beneficial this all is. I'm sure, too, you can recognize people whose amygdala is set just a bit too high. Where everything seems like a threat to them.

So get out there and give and get your hugs, and getcha some!

Being a Beautiful Woman. Good thing or bad thing?

From today's mailbag to the Dating Coach:

Dear Susan Dunn Dating Coach:

I am completely shocked and heart-broken. I dated this guy for over 3 months. He told me I was beautiful .. fantastic ... asked me if I'd been in movies ... said I was the sexiest woman he'd ever been with. Said that men didn't just stare at me, they came right up to me.

Then abruptly he sent me an email breaking it off. Said he wanted to "flatten" the relationship. He's a doctor and I guess that meant "flatline." The whole thing has just made me sick, to have misjudged so much, and I don't want to date again, don't want to put my heart on the line.

Suggestions?

Signed,
Flatlined

Dear Flatlined:

First of all, that's just horrible. I've never heard that term used and it makes me sick to read it. (Were there other clues this guy was a little weird?)

One thing that comes to mind to me here (but I need to talk to you in person) is that this guy was insecure. He mentions other guys coming up to you and how beautiful you are -- either for sure, or to him.

Reminds me of the line, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a lovely woman your wife."

My bet, and it's just a hunch is that this guy was a 2-time loser (at least) (am I right?) and very very insecure. He was attracted to your beauty, sex appeal, and YOU, and then got himself scared.

How to prevent this? Anticipate it? Call me for coaching and let's process this every step of the way. There is something to be learned here and I want to help.

Sincerely,
The Dating Coach with the Paddles (LOL)

Choosing a Marital Partner is like Finding X

Quote from client's mother:

"Marrying someone should be the easiest decision you ever make."

Agree? Disagree? let's hear from you.

When he says he wants to flatten the relationship

From today's emailbag:

My BF just emailed me (yeah, I know, wuss) that he wanted to "flatten" our relationship. I know wishful thinking can make a girl dense, but WTF? Does that mean FLATLINE it? Or what? Signed: A Blog Fan

Dear Blog Fan:

Uh oh. Well, I don't really know what it means either. Never heard it. Sounds like a modern-day version of "let's just be friends"??

Anyone out there know of this term? If so, let us know.

For Dating Coaching, call me at 817-734-1471, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . It's a great investment in your Love Life. Sessions available in my D. C. office conveniently located on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Dating and He Gets Weird ... how to interpret

Toxic Man/Woman v. Toxic Behaviors

It comes up a lot in dating. Someone gets squirrely right at first and says "stupid" things. Someone clams up and disappears for a while. You take him to a party and he can't seem to socialize. She loses her temper over something you consider inconsequential.

Let's face it dating someone new is nerve-wracking, and the more you like them, the worse it's likely to be. I know you know what I'm talking about.

The thing to figure out is if this is a recurring pattern for this person, or a temporary behavior because of the stress of dating (or a new job, or something else putting pressure on them).

In other words, does he get nervous and take a break from dating for a week or two because of the intensity of the dating situation ... or is he the kind who will disappear any and every time the going gets rough should you become a couple one day?

Let me help you figure this out. That's what Susan Dunn the Dating Coach is here for. It isn't easy dating in today's world. I've coached hundreds of people, and men and women of all ages are confused about what's going on and don't know what to do.

Email me and lets get started - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

How to Know if He's Really Interested in You

Ladies (and gentlemen), here's the bottom line, and I don't need to tell you this, I just am REMINDING you of this:

If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Period.

Let me show you how to make this happen. I've helped many men and women get it together in today's crazy dating world.



For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . My clients include men and women of all ages, so let me tell you, I know the scoop.

If you want a serious relationship that becomes marriage, let me coach you.

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Oprah quits. This is typical of the Saturn-Pluto transit going on right now. What's going on in your life, or ... what MIGHT be going to happen. Email Semiramis for a reading - semiramis.appiamo@hotmail.com .

Guys on a First Date

What to guys say they "always do" on a first date?

From "Best Bachelors", they asked the guys

ON A FIRST DATE I ALWAYS ...

Now I gotta say, if you asked a woman that, she'd probably reply "I always get nervous." But here's what these guys said. Note the action words, the "I" words:

Mario: "...give honest compliments."
Justin Bartha: "...pay. And on the second date and the third."
Chris Messina: "...try to kiss the girl. I like to close that on the first date."
David Cook: "...act like I know what I'm doing, even when I don't."
Gerard Butler: "Shave."

For Dating Coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc.

Check out the great new zodiac trait site that talks about zodiac compatibility, the compatibility of different signs. www.zodiac-traits.com . Nancy Fenn is an international expert astrologer and this site is getting raves.

Steve Harvey on How to Get the Man to Marry You

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE MAN
My favorite - ladies you'll 'get' this one -

At your job, didn't you have the 90-day rule before benefits??

Notes from the interview with Steve Harvey, author of "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

Do you have standards for your man?
I can do with you what I
want because you have no standards.
When you saw her you had a plan, you
just haven't informed her what it is.
Right now we're just kickin' it.
There's a cute way to give an ultimatum.
Exact your standards and get
them out early.

A man who loves you will do the 3 Ps:
Profess -
within 6 months you'll have a title from a man (my girlfriend, love, my
fiancee)
Provide - Give you and the kids the money
Protect - No bill
collecter can call and harass you
One of the 3 isn't enough

Will you
be thrown back or are you a keeper??

And, ladies ...

It took him 6 months to think about "the ultimatum".
and she had to walk out first

(PSST!! WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ALONG?)

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

What Online Dating Sites Spend the Most on Advertising?

Just got a visit from Kerryon, Suddenly Single Minded. Returning the favor, I visited her blod and found the following:

Great places to meet women in San Francisco - invaluable

And these tips about online dating:

#3. Sign up for on Line Dating - the Top 3 are Match, Yahoo Personals and EHarmony. They spend more money on advertising than the next 10 sites combined. Match is Huge, Eharmonys is as slow as a glacier in December, Yahoo Personals (this is beginning to sound like Goldilocks) is just right…as is Jdate…Catholic Date is too Opus dei…and ohmygod, Atheistdate.com is too trippy…

#4.Once you are On - Up and Running on a Dating Site - For the best results you must:

Flirt 5 times every day.

Send a short - one line- note to - 5 different men - every day. What to say?

Easy~ “Loved reading your profile - we have somethings [sic] in common. Take a look. Hope to hear from you.”

Simple, succinct, polite and inviting. Go ahead - give it a whirl…

If you're dating online, your profile and photo are also uber important. Spend some time on it. It will pay off! Contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let me help you put your best, um, foot forward.

Is there love for you?

I am working with a man now who found the love of his life over a year ago. The trouble is that after he met her and they went together for a while and he was sure of his feelings, he did what guys do. He went into the cave. From her point of view - he just disappared.

What happened is, he had the plan in his mind. An action plan. In order to make his new love happen, he had to go back and finalize his divorce, which he hadn't taken care of several years ago.

So, to his new love's way of thinking - he disappeared.

He asks me, "But doesn't she know I had to finish the business of the divorce?"

No! She didn't. Why? Because he didn't say it. He just went off to do it.

Guys - remember to put words around your actions. And to do what you say you will do. That's one way a woman knows what's going on, and how she checks things out. She wants to make sure what you say (when you say it) isn't just "empty words."

The great thing about this romance is that she has agreed to take him back -- with reservations. She doesn't trust the relationship with him now, so he is working to win her trust back. But the important this is that she is willing to give him a second chance. They have started at the beginning again and are going slower this time.

What is love? Love, ultimately, is trust.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ... FOREIGNER

Would he be looking at other women if he loved you?

clipped from www.sciam.com

People in Love Are Blind to Pretty Faces

If your loved one claims to “only have eyes for you”

it might be truer than you think

Research shows that people in a committed relationship who have been thinking about their partner actually avert their eyes from attractive members of the opposite sex without even being aware they are doing it

it takes longer for viewers to shift their attention away from attrac­tive faces of the opposite sex.

subjects who were married

Those who wrote about love actually turned their attention away from attractive members of the opposite sex even more quickly

than they looked away from average-looking people

This unconscious attentional bias probably evolved to help men and women stay in monogamous relation­ships

in humans tend to have a reproductive advantage

These biases have been built into our psychology to enhance people’s reproductive success.”

Is She Affectionate?

HOW CAN YOU TELL WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE STANDING OUTSIDE? That's what it's like when you read a woman's profile on an Internet dating site.

Here's a tip for the guys.

I know the way guys are ... I coach a lot of guys about dating, so I hear the stories. From a recent conversation:

She said she was cuddly and affectionate in her profile. That she liked to touch and all that. But she wasn't that way in person. Now I don't believe it when I read that on a profile. How are you supposed to know and what should you believe? It's a riddle to me.

THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE: Gentleman, ladies are not affectionate non-specifically and in general, with every man. Their response is to a particular man and how they feel about him. When a woman writes on her profile that she's warm and affectionate, or likes physical attention, or enjoys romance and love-making, she doesn't mean this will happen with every man she dates, just because it's a man and she's on a date. It means she will be that way if she happens to like you. If she doesn't, she isn't going to be physically affectionate toward you. Emotions and physical intimacy go together for a woman.

So there's no riddle to it. If she says she's that way, she means she's that way when she loves the man. If she isn't that way with you, it's because you aren't the man for her. And so it's best for you to look elsewhere, but also to believe what you read in their profiles. If she says she's affectionate, and you're the lucky man she falls in love with, you'll be smothered in kisses!