Writing the Online Dating Profile

Writing your online profile on a dating site is extremely important. It surprises me how little effort some people put in to. You have two chances to attract suitable partners: your photograph and your online dating profile. It's important to choose the right photographs, and it's equally important to have a well-written online dating profile that shows who you really are.

I'm going to give you an example of a good profile, and then an example of a bad profile, and then I'm going to critique them. I've worked with many, many people in the dating area, and have listened to what they have said.

What's the difference between a good one and a bad one?

Well, first of all I'm not grading these on whether or not I, personally, would like the person or like to date them. "There's a lid for every pot." Rather, I'm grading them on how well-written they are, and if they give a good starting picture of what the person is like. After all, that's what dating is all about.

That having been said, there are certain rules. Regardless of how you might feel about it, the most important thing - says the research - is that your grammar and spelling be correct. Therefore, you might want to consider hiring a Dating Coach to help you write your profile.

Most of us will forgive a misspelling, or a grammatical error, but still it halts you in your reading. It is considered a sign of intelligence. In that "like attracts like", you will be looking for someone who matches you in their ability to spell and form a sentence. And, after all, there's spell check. Just construct your profile in Word, check it, and then cut and paste. Writing your online profile is too important to leave to chance.

EXAMPLE OF GOOD PROFILE AND CRITIQUE

Are you my co-conspirator? Looking for someone to share the private, not always socially-acceptable adventure that makes this all worthwhile. You don’t need to agree with me or share my views. If you do, we might run out of things to talk about! The “conspiracy” is a blend of attraction, affection, and trust that is not in your face, but never too far from awareness. Distilled permanent infatuation….

CRITIQUE: When the person writes "distilled permanent infatuation," he is going way out there where only a few can follow. This helps him to eliminate at the starting gate. Pretty erudite statement. It's also attempt to describe "love" - so if you aren't the kind who likes to define things, you will know to pass on this guy. I thought when reading it that he was an engineer or IT person, and turns out he was. (Hey, I'm not the Dating Coach for nuthin'!)

At the same time, "co-conspirator" defines a certain type of love relationship, and they are not all the same (doh). This is not someone looking for that deep, intense, romantic connection. Nope. He wants to conspire, and to have fun. He wants someone who will have a private language with him, people-watch and chat about it, someone where it's "we two against the world" but yet, having fun.

He gets good marks for good grammar, good writing, and for giving a good picture of what he's like in just one paragraph. Writing your online profile is very important, and this gentleman did a good job at it.

Now let's look at a bad one.

BAD PROFILE AND CRITIQUE

To tell many good words about yourself is not very modest and I don't like doing it because people see us from another angel [sic] but I can say that I am purposeful and industrious and trying to be reasonable. I can't say that I am shy and modest but tactful. I can say I am down-to-earth, communicative person who adapts easily in new companies.

CRITIQUE: Well, this is very tortured writing - someone who has trouble coming up with words. And to use "angel" instead of "angle" in an online dating profile is really careless. "Trying to be reasonable" indicates to me that he isn't. It sounds like a divorced person who's said a thousand times to his spouse, "Be reasonable" -- and sure enough, he's divorced (not widowered). "Be reasonable" is asking someone to be logical and rational, and this rarely occurs in an argument -- or in love for that matter. Do you want someone so analytical? (Well that's personal choice.) Nevertheless, it is poorly written. More than that, it is poorly thought. I think this is a person who really struggles with expression, and expressive communication is very important in relationships. Why on earth would you say "in new companies"? Does he mean with new people? Or does he literally mean at work?

You be the judge.

If you are going online to date, consider letting me write your profile for you, or edit it, or help you with brainstorming. It's extremely important. Especially if yo're a guy, because woman like words as much as -- or more than -- the photo.

And ladies, you need help too. There are things you can write that really scare the guys off, and from my extensive experience, I can tell you what they are.

Contact me, Susan Dunn The Dating Coach, at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Dating During Rutting Season

RULES OF DATING

Okay, I really don't know for sure when rutting season is, besides being in the fall, for deer at any rate. How do I know this? I had a date the other night and, being new to the D. C. area, I commented to my date, a long-term resident of the area, that I had seen a dead deer beside the road every day for several weeks.

"It's rutting season," he said. With that sort of pause that means, well, you know.

But my clients, and the general level of activity tells me that it IS human rutting season. First of all, more babies are born in September than any other time of year and yes, folks, that's 9 months away. Get it? It's a cold and lonely time of year. It's dark and some of us suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder). We have a post-Christmas let down. We suffer from holiday expectations that weren't met - that gift we didn't get, the family get-together that was more like a free-for-all. And the days get cold and dark so fast.

So, yes, it's a time when dating online really picks up.

Men are hard-wired to take action on an emotion, i.e., if they feel bad, they do something to make that go away, and to feel good. this translates to -- If you're lonely - get a date.

Ladies, here are some tips for taking advantage of this time of year and of NOT being TAKEN advantage of this time of year. Most of these apply year 'round, it's just that there's more activity this time of year.

-- Don't read ANYTHING into anything a man says. If he says, "You're the most beautiful woman I've met on match.com," just say, "Thank you" or "Pass the salt please."
-- Actions speak louder than words where men are concerned. Pay attention to a man's behavior and actions, not so much to what he says. Remember, for instance, that if he cares about you and wants to see you, he will MAKE time. We're all "too busy." Unless, of course, it means something to us. Would you ever be "too busy" to go pick up your $1,000,000 lottery check?
-- More than ever during this season, take your time. It is up to the woman to pace the relationship. Do not let the guy get ahead of himself, or try to overwhelm you.
-- Rehearse over and over, "I'm not comfortable with..." It's the nice way to say "no." The pressure will increase this time of year. So practice your responses ahead of time. (Get some coaching if you need some tips on this.)
-- Make some extra time for dating this time of year, because the guys are out there beating the bushes. If you can clear your schedule for some more dating time, you'll enjoy the benefits. It's a good time to meet people.
-- Check out things that you can, i.e., you can visit the man's profile on the Internet and see what's going on. If he's been putting the mash on you, and you go to his profile and see "Active within the last 24 hours" - get a clue.
-- Until a man has demonstrated his sincere interest by actions, and has specifically asked you for an exclusive relationship, keep on dating. It will help you have a clear head.
-- If you catch yourself with a spinning head, call for some coaching, or talk to a friend. You don't want to miss all the action, but it can be overwhelming. dating coaching can help you manage it all better, for the best possible outcomes.
-- Don't ask a man out. Don't 'wink' first. Don't reply to 'winks'. Remember -- the rules of courtship are hard-wired. The man is the pursuer and do the work, and it's got to be more than a "wink".
-- Resist any urges to plan the date, if asked to. He might say he's too busy. First of all, what is he too busy with? Other dates? Secondly, that's his job. Remember - the rules of courtship are hard-wired.

Here's a special tip. Work with a team-mate or better yet, a coach. I have helped women with this. (I'm on the dating sites to learn more, and also to date.) One client was getting some real heavy-duty stuff from a guy online, and somehow smelled a rat. I contacted the guy, and guess what? I got back the exact same email he had written to her. Yes, guys do that. No, you don't want to engage with such a man.

And while we're at it, hone up on your ability to "smell a rat," to "look in the horse's mouth." Dating coaching can really help you learn to eliminate a lot of propblems by helping you understand your intuition. It's our best guide. It is often confused with fantasy, and wishful thinking, so let me help you learn the difference. It can save you a lot of grief.

If you aren't getting much action from your profile, please contact me for some dating coaching. I can help you build a better profile, and one that gets the kind of results that you want.

Deal Breakers when Dating Online

Dating online is really an art. First let me say that I think it's the best thing since sliced bread. It allows you to swing a wide net, to have an idea of what someone is like before you meet with them, and to see how you blend on important items like wanting kids, smoking, and religious beliefs.

It's very important how you write your online profile. Oddly enough, the number one faux pas seems to be bad grammar and typos.

Another sure looser tactic is to write about what you don't want. Read this and process how you feel (actual profile written by a woman):

Please don't contact me if yu're an addict, a player, or a liar. I've already had too much of that in my life. Also if you can't hold a job or are bankrupt, I don't want to hear from you. And you'd better be willing to be faithful if we get involved. Cheaters have already broken my heart.

I don't know about you, but when I read that I thought, goodness who has this woman been attracting? Why on earth such a litany? Who has she been hanging out with? I think she's got too much baggage to deal with.

Let's just say it raises suspicions about her ability to date intelligently and even to maintain a good relationship.

Even stating the opposite has the same effect, i.e., I want someone who won't lie, won't have affairs on me, and won't beat me.

It's like the "Have you quit beating your wife?"

Let's stay positive when we write our profiles. If you need help writing a good profile, contact me for dating coaching.

Dating after 50

Need singles over 50 who are dating to interview for new book. Please email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to set up interview time. Can be by phone or email. can be anonymous if you like. But you have information we need to know that can help everyone who's over 50 and sating.

the divorce rate for second marriages is astronomical. It is what is inflating the USS divorce rate (over 50%). The vast majority of this is SECOND MARRIAGES. Yet no one wants to live alone.

We want to interview people who are OVER 50 AND DATING. Please email us at sdunn@susandunn.cc

You know this is hard, I know it's hard. You either have no experience - being newly divorced or newly widowed, or you don't ask out/get asked out enough to gain experience. So, in response to desperate need, I'm co-authoring a book on Dating After 50. It will give our the rules AND the strategy. We'll help you figure out what he means when he says, or she says -- some of our favorites:

I don't need a LTR (Is that code for "just want sex"?)
Let's be friends first and see what happens (Is that code for I really just want sex but I'll sneak it up on you. To us, "friends" and "dates" are totally different animals.)
No druggies, liars, cheats, philanderers. (Is that code for I have attracted and lived with loser my whole life and I'm never going to change?)
I nedz nice woman date fr lifetime. (Is this code for an illiterate person?)
I'm a curmudgeon but I was lucky enough to have a wife who could love me in spite of this. (Is this code for - I have a nasty disposition but since I make good money I was able to get some poor woman to marry me. I pride myself in being unpleasant and my negativity will probably kill you like it did my first wife?)
The real reason I divorced her is that she beat me and she beat the kids. (Is that code for -- I like to be beaten and I'll induce you to beat me too?)

Send us your examples and what they turned out to mean in real life. If you would consent to be interviewed anonymously please email us at sdunn@susandunn.cc . We ALL need this information DESPERATELY.

Thank you and Happy Dating.

What Turns Women Off

No bit surprises here, but eHarmony's list of top ten turnoffs for women is worth watching: http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=slideshows/view&slideshow=12&index=10

Wonder what actually turns MEN off? LOL.

Anyways, among this predictable list are lying, being mean, cheating, and cleanliness.

The basics.

Want to become a certified Dating Coach? I have trained and certified coaches all over the world. Core courses are on the Internet, and weekly phone call. Or come to D. C. for a weekend intensive.

How can you tell?

Susan Dunn, the Dating Coach reminds you ...
Men are visual.
For women, it's all about words.

How can you tell when someone is right for you?

Many people say they can tell within the first 5 minutes if this is someone they want to see again.

Can you?

Here are some of the reasons women have told me that made them sure they didn't want to see the guy again. It's about "chemistry," but here it is, broken down. Now, don't be discouraged, because there's one thing for sure -- one man's meat is another man's poison. for every women who wants the door opened for her, there's one who thinks that's "sexist." Guys -- I just want you to see the kinds of things women pay attention to.

He didn't act like a man. He didn't open the door for me, pull my seat out, take charge.
He had on weird clothes.
He couldn't talk about anything. Not a good conversationalist.
He kept looking at other women who walked in.
Dirty fingernails.
Used bad grammar.
Seemed unsure of himself.
Made tacky/sleezy comments.
Asked if I had sex on the second date.
Talked about what was wrong with all the other women he had dated.
He was sad. Just too sad. That guy needed to do a lot of work on himself.
Acted like I was a therapist, not a date.
Cursed.
Was unsure of himself. Couldn't even get himself together enough to get a waiter over to the table.
And here's why you need a dating coach: Woman A: He had on Brooks Brothers. No way. Woman No.2: I like a guy who dresses Brooks Brothers.

Yes, it's confusing. There are some general things that will turn off any but a totally desperate woman. I believe the first thing always mentioned is grooming - being dirty, smelly or unkempt.

For Dating Coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc. We can work by phone and email, at your office or home, or at my offices - Manassas, VA and Chevy Chase, MD. I've helped thousands of people navigate the trecherous waters of dating in today's world. Special expertise in the hardest age group -- those over 40.

Watch for my new book coming out soon -- "HOW TO GET HIM BACK."

Being a Beautiful Woman. Good thing or bad thing?

From today's mailbag to the Dating Coach:

Dear Susan Dunn Dating Coach:

I am completely shocked and heart-broken. I dated this guy for over 3 months. He told me I was beautiful .. fantastic ... asked me if I'd been in movies ... said I was the sexiest woman he'd ever been with. Said that men didn't just stare at me, they came right up to me.

Then abruptly he sent me an email breaking it off. Said he wanted to "flatten" the relationship. He's a doctor and I guess that meant "flatline." The whole thing has just made me sick, to have misjudged so much, and I don't want to date again, don't want to put my heart on the line.

Suggestions?

Signed,
Flatlined

Dear Flatlined:

First of all, that's just horrible. I've never heard that term used and it makes me sick to read it. (Were there other clues this guy was a little weird?)

One thing that comes to mind to me here (but I need to talk to you in person) is that this guy was insecure. He mentions other guys coming up to you and how beautiful you are -- either for sure, or to him.

Reminds me of the line, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a lovely woman your wife."

My bet, and it's just a hunch is that this guy was a 2-time loser (at least) (am I right?) and very very insecure. He was attracted to your beauty, sex appeal, and YOU, and then got himself scared.

How to prevent this? Anticipate it? Call me for coaching and let's process this every step of the way. There is something to be learned here and I want to help.

Sincerely,
The Dating Coach with the Paddles (LOL)

Can 2 First-Borns Make a Good Pair?

THE DATING COACH coaches internationally by phone and email. I also have offices in Manassas VA and Chevy Chase MD. I'm waiting to help you get the show on the road.


This is the best answer I've heard to that. My client wrote

C: Hey, do you think 2 first-borns can make it as a couple?

HE REPLIED:

Answer...don't see why not as long as I am in charge!! Just kidding, meant as long as you are in charge!! Oops, wrong again!!! Seriously, I think things work as long as there is a mutual respect, understanding and sharing, and a lotta compromise, etc. (Tho, I gotta be careful not to sound too sensitive or I'll lose my card to the "Guys Club!")

We like that part about the "Guys' Club" too. This guy wrote the kind of response you like to get, and are v. likely to answer.

What did my client reply:

ANSWER: ROFL. Best laugh I've had in a week. Let's meet and see if we get along. Wait a minute. You're supposed to be the one asking.

NEED A DATING COACH? Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's get to work on your dating situation. Life isn't meant to be lived alone. I have some great tips on profiles, what the guys like, what the gals like. The Dating Coach knows!

It isn't easy, so why go it alone? Sometimes just one or two sessions does the trick. 817-734-1471 if you're in a hurry.

Need a Dating Coach

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We all need love and today's dating scene is complex. Let me help you. Coaching by phone, email; offices in Chevy Chase, MD and Manassas, VA. Seminars. Ebooks. You need it, we have it, and we want to see you happy!

Do You Get Nervous on Dates?

Let's face it, dating in today's world is quite complicated. No matter how good you are at your job, or anything else, dating can really throw you. You can completely lose your composure, and then you're really in trouble.

Here it is from Christian Carter:

If you find yourself losing your composure too often, letting your emotions take over and regretting it too often after the fact... and you're starting to recognize that not all of what you're doing and choosing to do with a man is totally CONSCIOUS... then it's time you took the time and the steps to take care of what's going on INSIDE YOU first.

What's he's talking about here is the emotional intelligence (EQ) competency of SELF-AWARENESS. Not the kind of self-awareness that makes you nervous and overly critical of yourself, but the kind that lets you "have a clue" -- lets you know what you're doing that gets you what you want, and what you're doing that doesn't get you what you want.

As a dating coach, probably the most frequent question I get is "What did I do wrong?" The woman or the man has disappeared, the client is heart-broken, and the processing begins.

Don't despair! This can all be learned. Call me for dating coaching (817-734-1471) or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc. I am a certified Dating Coach.