Getting over a Breakup at the Holidays

GETTING OVER A BREAKUP AT THE HOLIDAYS

"Feel those Feelings,"
Article by guest write Michael Myerscough

Lately I've had a run of clients having a very hard time getting over the end of a relationship. Coincidentally I'm also in the January edition of Psychologies magazine in an article called 'What becomes of the broken hearted?' Getting over a
relationship can be especially difficult as the holidays roll up so let me share some secrets with you about how to heal. If you're not dealing with a break up currently, but you know someone who is, maybe forwarding this ezine on will help them.

I have a client called Dorothy who's struggling to let go of a relationship with a guy who she'd initially thought was perfect for her. When we first started working together Dorothy was really angry and frustrated that yet again she was going to
have to re-build her love life. The one good thing about those feelings was that they removed any temptation to get straight back into dating.

The first step for any client I work with in this situation is to have them feel their feelings which is an essential part of the healing process. If you're already sick of feeling bad then feel free to skip to the next phase which I outline here:

http://www.therelationshipgym.com/how_to_get_over_a_break_up.htm

Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings. Some of us are easier with anger, others with grief. Dorothy was more than comfortable with being angry but was very reluctant to admit that her anger was masking her feelings of hurt and
loneliness. Those feelings made her feel vulnerable in a way she resisted furiously. I encouraged her to explore all of her feelings by writing a 'Grief' letter to her ex.

To write your letter take the time to explore what you are going to miss and what you aren't going to miss. What are you angry about? What are you sad about? What do you fear this break up means? What was your part in the break up? What are you always going to love or appreciate about your ex?

This is referred to as a ladder of emotion and it's great to write your letter in the above order. Feel free to use those questions as headers. That said if you need to keep coming back to anger then please do and then work your way back up the ladder again. It's important that you realise that you are never going to send this letter, this way you can explore being totally unreasonable and maybe even, what would previously have been, unbearably open about just how hurt you feel.

Explore these questions in such a way that you can feel all the things you suspect may be true even if you'd rather they weren't. Write the letter as if you were writing it to someone who really cares about how you feel.

It's really important that you take time to do this. Every time you leave a relationship there is a danger that you will harden your heart due to the pain and disappointment. That hardening makes you less attractive and can begin to limit your ability to love.

If you do this properly you'll be able to reconnect with at least some of the love you felt for this person you've parted from. Not in a way that eats at you but in a way that nourishes your sense of having a life worth loving. If you've loved deeply once, then you can do it again. It takes work to keep your heart healthy and open but it's very valuable work.

This is the first step in a process that can take anywhere from days to months and it's a good solid first step. When Dorothy first began to be honest about how sad and lonely she felt she got scared about how overwhelming it felt. As if somehow she
could become lost in the feelings or she'd never feel good again. This process requires you to acknowledge that your feelings are not something to be afraid of. If you're feeling sad you are only sad. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your life that must be fixed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just acknowledge that you do feel sad.

The end of a relationship is often the death of something you found to be beautiful for a while. That said, no matter how big your grief is, you're going to get through it. You are far bigger than your worst feeling.

Two months on Dorothy has learned a lot about her self and one of her unexpected breakthroughs is that being alone at home no longer makes her feel like there's something wrong with her. Suddenly being alone isn't so scary and from this place she's in a much better position to think about who she'd actually like to make a part of her life. When it comes to Finding Mr. Right the first step is to clear up what's gone on in the past so you can be free of it. Feeling your feelings is the quickest route to healing and the only way out is through. Just remember that even your darkest minute is only 60 seconds long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tips on getting over a breakup

For the next steps in healing a broken heart visit
http://www.therelationshipgym.com/how_to_get_over_a_break_up.htm

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
© Copyright 2005 The Relationship Gym by Michael Myerscough. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success
coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use. Visit him at http://www.therelationshipgym.com/ and sign up for the fr*ee
relationship information. "

Susan Dunn's Communication Operating Principles for Dating

Comunication is essential to good dating. Here are my communication operating principles.

Favorite Communication Operating Principles
by Susan Dunn

Virginia Sapir, a psychologist and pioneer in family counseling, wrote: "Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him."

With this in mind, I present some my favorite Communication Operating Principals.

1. "In order to understand what another person is saying you must assume it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of."
~ George Miller ~

2. "The first law of communication is: Assume you have been misunderstood."
~ Source Unknown ~

3. "Men can take up to 7 hours longer [than women] to process complex emotive data. [They] will not know what they feel at the moment of feeling and will take longer to figure it out. [They] may not be able to put their feelings in words - if they choose a verbal strategy at all."
~Michael Gurian, author of "What Could He Be Thinking" ~

4. "Verbal confrontation is as natural to men as walking or breathing, and as unconscious."
~ Suzette Haden Elgin, author of "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" ~

5. "There is a libraryful of research to indicate that logic is almost useless as a way of convincing people of anything."
~ Suzette Haden Elgin ~

6. "Never use Hedges ('I know you'd never let me, but . '). They are exactly equivalent to wearing a big sign that say 'Please kick me - I would love to be a victim.'"
~ Suzette Haden Elgin ~

7. "If a man truly wants to communicate with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions."
~ Gary Smalley ~

8. "For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver."
~ George Ade ~

9. "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."
~ Peter Drucker ~

10. "Sympathetic people often don't communicate well. They * back reflected images which hide their own depths."
~ George Eliot ~

11. "If you can always be taken by surprise because you have no idea what verbal aggression is or how to spot it, you are an ideal target."
~ Suzette Haden Elgin ~

12. "The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time."
~ John Powell ~

Whether we're communicating at work, socially, or in an intimate relationship, and whether we're communicating thoughts or feelings, it's a strategy, a choice we make in an effort to accomplish something. And, it's good to remember - if you're there, you're communicating SOMETHING, whether you mean to or not.

Interpersonal skills are part of emotional intelligence and can be learned. Become aware of your communication style and work to improve it.

Dating? Beware the Holidays

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for Dating Coaching, or call 817-734-1471.

TAKING THE PULSE OUT THERE FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE DATING

I have coached daters (men and women both) for decades and I want to give you a warning about this time of year -- between mid-November and Christmas.

On the one hand, single men will go into heat (as it were) and be beating the bushes for a woman, any woman. This is not a particularly 'discriminatory' time of the year. They are lonely. It's cold and they want to snuggle. It's the holidays and they want (as they call it to me) "that female energy" to give them the feeling of a home and all that other good stuff. (What stuff? Just look at the dwelling of the average bachelor ... it's soooooo sad.)

Here's the other thing that will happen. If your relationship is relatively new (let's say less than 6 months, or at least not 'tried and tested' and no ring has been put on it), one or the other of the couple is likely to break and run.

Why?

Just because everyone's stressors go up at this time of year, and (1) you might be overwhelmed and feel like the only thing you can dump is the relationship; or (2) you might just get anxious, stressed, and attribute it (arbitrarily) to "the relationsip."

So, what to do? First of all, knowledge is power. Expect the unexpected. Well here, let me make you a list.

THE TOP 10 THINGS TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE DATING AND IT'S "THE HOLIDAYS"

10. A totally inappropriate and disappointing Christmas gift -- and that includes no gift at all, and, worse than that - a ring, but not a diamond!!! (Come on guys - get a clue.)

9. Your SO will have trouble with the ex and/or the kids which will "ruin" the whole thing.

8. One or the other of you will get sick, I mean physically, and decide it's the fault of the relationship, and split.

7. You will each over-react to something you will later realize is inconsequential (or you'll realize it now, if you get Dating Coaching from me).

6. He or she won't invite you to a family gathering, which will hurt you deeply.

5. She will cry a lot.

4. He or she won't invite you to their Office Party and you will feel they are (1) ashamed to be seen with you at work, (2) not reall in to you; (4) secretly relieved but still a little worried.

3. She'll over-read every little thing you do and drive you nuts with, "Is something wrong?", "Are you mad at me?", "Are you going to break up with me?"

2. You will feel like leaving the planet, not just the relationship over things like what to invite him/her to (or not), what gift to buy (or not).

And the #1 thing to expect -- HE WILL TELL YOU HE NEEDS SPACE. (Did I need to tell you that?)

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for Dating Coaching, or call 817-734-1471.
I'm here to help.

When he says he wants to flatten the relationship

From today's emailbag:

My BF just emailed me (yeah, I know, wuss) that he wanted to "flatten" our relationship. I know wishful thinking can make a girl dense, but WTF? Does that mean FLATLINE it? Or what? Signed: A Blog Fan

Dear Blog Fan:

Uh oh. Well, I don't really know what it means either. Never heard it. Sounds like a modern-day version of "let's just be friends"??

Anyone out there know of this term? If so, let us know.

For Dating Coaching, call me at 817-734-1471, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . It's a great investment in your Love Life. Sessions available in my D. C. office conveniently located on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Dating and He Gets Weird ... how to interpret

Toxic Man/Woman v. Toxic Behaviors

It comes up a lot in dating. Someone gets squirrely right at first and says "stupid" things. Someone clams up and disappears for a while. You take him to a party and he can't seem to socialize. She loses her temper over something you consider inconsequential.

Let's face it dating someone new is nerve-wracking, and the more you like them, the worse it's likely to be. I know you know what I'm talking about.

The thing to figure out is if this is a recurring pattern for this person, or a temporary behavior because of the stress of dating (or a new job, or something else putting pressure on them).

In other words, does he get nervous and take a break from dating for a week or two because of the intensity of the dating situation ... or is he the kind who will disappear any and every time the going gets rough should you become a couple one day?

Let me help you figure this out. That's what Susan Dunn the Dating Coach is here for. It isn't easy dating in today's world. I've coached hundreds of people, and men and women of all ages are confused about what's going on and don't know what to do.

Email me and lets get started - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

How to Know if He's Really Interested in You

Ladies (and gentlemen), here's the bottom line, and I don't need to tell you this, I just am REMINDING you of this:

If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Period.

Let me show you how to make this happen. I've helped many men and women get it together in today's crazy dating world.



For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . My clients include men and women of all ages, so let me tell you, I know the scoop.

If you want a serious relationship that becomes marriage, let me coach you.

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Oprah quits. This is typical of the Saturn-Pluto transit going on right now. What's going on in your life, or ... what MIGHT be going to happen. Email Semiramis for a reading - semiramis.appiamo@hotmail.com .

Dating for the Holidays

Have you noticed the dating activity kicking up? You can feel it in the nightclubs, dance halls and on the Internet. Men do not like to be alone during the holidays, and so they more actively seek companionship.

Ladies, take advantage of this energy to meet someone, but remember the rules! Very important to remember the rules at this time -- it's what he DOES, not what he SAYS, that counts.

From today's emailbag:

We had dated for a couple of weeks. He was everything I looked for in a man. He talked about buying a house, all the same old stuff. But as soon as I went to bed with him, it blew up in my face. WTF??
Signed: 50 and Ought to Have Known Better

Be especially aware of early bundling-up if you are seriously interested in the man for a life partner. Remember that it is up to the woman to set the pace. If he gets ahead of himself, he might get scared and run.

If you're seriously looking for a serious relationship, call me for dating coaching. Coaching by phone, email, and in person in the D. C. area. And ladies, check out my Midlife Dating Manual - www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html.

What Yanks Him Back from the Brink

From today's emailbag ... (don't know the source)

WHAT YANKS HIM BACK FROM THE BRINK
Some factors can derail a guy who’s about to fall.

1) They Get a New Opportunity
A promotion often means spending more hours at work or taking a schedule-chewing class. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.

1a) Overwhelm
Same deal, throw in something big/emotional like trouble with his kid

2) You Never Fight
Sure, guys hate arguing, but it’s worse if you don’t react negatively at all when he’s screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you’re going to lash out later, (b) you’re a doormat, or (c) you’re not into him enough to care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding relationship.

3) Pure Panic
Many men worry that if they commit, they’ll have to give something up — friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he’s fallen for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.

3a) Post-Bad-Marriage Stress Syndrom
Same as #3 only bad memories about marriages past intensive it. (Try finger healing?)

THAT PESKY LITTLE EX
Honestly, I work with at-risk teens (volunteer), and I let them play their own radio station. There's a cute rap-ish song out now where the guy's singing that he'll get her over her ex. Guys - you start dating again too soon. (When a guy feels sad/bad he takes action to make the feeling go away, i.e., another chick - any old one will do.) Call me for dating coaching. Gals - you wait too long. Ditto. (Many women follow the unwritten rule that you stay in love with the last one until you fall in love with the next one.

ETC.

Guys, sometimes she doesn't want to "fight" with you because it's pretty much bliss. Yeah, it's possible.

Gals, let that career thing trump. It will work for you in the end.

For Dating Coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Try www.zodiac-traits.com for the latest on astrological compatibility.

She just wanted a guy to pal around with

Overheard at the D.C. Dating Seminar I gave recently for singles 40 and over. (email me for the dates of the next ones - you don't want to miss out if you live in the D. C. area. Coaching also available by phone, email, and in my office)

Ladies, you need to get with me and learn THE RULES.
Here's what the guys said:

She's been married and has kids, but I felt like she just wanted a guy to pal around with.

She took me to a grand opening of her art work. We walked in and she ran over to meet all her friends. Just left me standing there. What am I, chopped liver?

Everyone keeps saying they met their partner on match.com. I guess online dating is the way to go. (I can tell you about the sites, what one's good for you, and help you write that important winning profile!)

She ran in the room, closed the door, and pinned me against the wall. (gasp!)

I came in the room and she was going through my desk drawers. Why do women do that?

She asked me to fix the antenna on her car. I fell in love immediately.

She always said to come and get her, she wasn't meeting me anywhere. I liked that a lot. It showed she respected herself.

She was beautiful. But more than that, she knew how to have a good conversation.

She just sat there for me to open the car door. Refreshing.

She demanded my best behavior.

Guys on a First Date

What to guys say they "always do" on a first date?

From "Best Bachelors", they asked the guys

ON A FIRST DATE I ALWAYS ...

Now I gotta say, if you asked a woman that, she'd probably reply "I always get nervous." But here's what these guys said. Note the action words, the "I" words:

Mario: "...give honest compliments."
Justin Bartha: "...pay. And on the second date and the third."
Chris Messina: "...try to kiss the girl. I like to close that on the first date."
David Cook: "...act like I know what I'm doing, even when I don't."
Gerard Butler: "Shave."

For Dating Coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc.

Check out the great new zodiac trait site that talks about zodiac compatibility, the compatibility of different signs. www.zodiac-traits.com . Nancy Fenn is an international expert astrologer and this site is getting raves.

In Dating there is Nothing Like an Obstacle

In dating, there is nothing like an obstacle. All great romance writers know this and use the same plot. Couple meets. There is an obstacle. There you have your story, and the ending is predictable and thrilling.

LADIES, IF YOU'RE DATING, FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, AND NEVER STING LIKE A BEE.

Obstacles when you were a teen:

Father
Curfew
No car
School
Homework

Obstacles you can present as an independent adult

Say your house is being renovated so he can't come inside (for a long, long time)
Say you can't do it - can't cook, clean, drive, txt
Say you don't know how (to ask a guy out)
Don't be accessible - don't sit by the phone/email, even if you are. ESPECIALLY if you are
Overtime
Italian lessons 3 nights a week
Sister visiting from out-of-town for a week
Family reunion scheduled a year ago
Bad boss
Cramps, headache, N1H1

Why? Don't deprive him of the thrill of the hunt. I have been a dating coach for years. There is no man, no matter how busy/shy/far away/encumbered/hurt/damaged by ex-wife - you fill in the blank - who won't move heaven and earth to have the woman he wants. And here is nothing like an "obstacle" to sweeten the pot.

Please note: This is NOT game-playing. COURTSHIP is the game, and, like it or not, you will play it. If you play by its instinctual, hard-wired rules, the results will be amazing!

How so? I have a client, I'll call her Paula, who just got her man. She tells me he mentions all the time that when he reminisces about their early dating days, how hard it was to drive all the way out to her house ... which he did, over and over again. Paula told him she couldn't put the miles on her car because it was old. Whatever it takes.

Dating coach in office (centrally located in DC, Chevy Chase), by phone or email. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to get started today.

Soul Mates

I am often asked about soulmates.

This is a question that is often asked psychics and astrologers too, as we all quest for love. To a dating coach, a person might ask for a "soul mate" or "someone who is perfect for me."

I think Skye's discussion about soul-mates is good. She recommends this instead of Looking for a Soulmate:

Change your definition of soulmate. Call to yourself someone who is open and real. Call to yourself someone who is genuine and capable of love on a real everyday level in a real everyday world where people get up and go to work and pay bills. Call to yourself someone who knows how to show and express their love without manipulation and head games. Call forth a forever kind of love. Call forth a best friend that you can sit with in your rocking chair on the front porch when you are too old to make love anymore. Call someone who loves you enough to kick you in the butt when you are screwing up. Call forth someone who will shout from the rooftop when you are deserving of praise too. Call forth someone who is a loyal and faithful lover willing to learn and grow with you behind closed doors. Leave the rest to fate. Don’t define them.

"Call to yourself," is a good. It's about the Law of Attraction.

But let's talk for a minute about making lists when you are dating or looking for "the right woman/man.")

Many coaches want their clients to make a list of what they want in a mate, who they're looking for. I recommend it too, but probably not in the way you might think.

I think having a list works well for values, intelligence and some basics (like good grooming, which I think we all would want, wouldn't we?) but the trouble comes when you get too specific, especially about PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

For instance here's a list I got from Amy:

I want a man who's:
Medium height
30 years old
Brown hair
Brown eyes
Curly hair
Muscular build, like a weight lifter or professional athlete
Medium complexion

Well, I think this leaves a lot to be desired. What if "Amy" met a man who was blond that had all the important things that Skye talks about above? What if she met a man who was 31 or 32?

Physical characteristics may cause initial attraction, but, as we coaches say, "That's not love, that's something else."

And as far as physical characteristics go, here's an interesting point. According to studies, the one that applies the most -- get ready for this -- is the person's third finger.

Go figure.

From the Dating Coach

From the Dating Coach



For Dating Coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

To learn more about EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, visit the ImproveYourEQ Blog.

Dating Angel

Everyone needs a coach.
No, everyone needs an ANGEL.

I've met a woman on the Internet. She writes poetry.

Courtship Dance

Give each other the courtship dance neither of you will ever forget:

Exactly Where to Touch a Naked Man Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

Okay, now that I have your attention!

Exactly Where to Touch a Naked Man Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

For dating coaching, contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . Reasonable rates, unreasonable results.

Want to become A Dating Coach? Join my training and certification program.

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Dating: Looking for the Right Man

From the Dating Coach Mailbag:

Dear Dating Coach:

We were having a great time, and then I remember he reached over for the dessert we were sharing, and there was something about his hands. Not dirty, and no bitten nails, etc., I just knew I 'registered' something. I thought they were pretty and delicate, but at the same time, I don't like "pretty" or "delicate" hands on a man. What am I to make of this?

++++++++
This is interesting because I am reading Diamond's THE THIRD CHIMPANZEE where he spends a good bit of time talking about how we choose our mates.

Note that choosing a marital partner is much more of a choice than choosing a one--night-stand. In fact the chapter this is in is called How We Pick our Mates and Sex Partners. It is very important to know what you are doing -- Are you choosing a mate, or a sex partner is the first thing I ask clients>

First let me say that you, personally, in your choice of partner, are allowed to prefer what you prefer. In other words, there's a woman out there that would fallk instantly in love with this man BECAUSE OF those same hands that turn you off.

That's the wonder of love!

That having been said, in his book, Diamond cites scientific research where he uses words such as coefficients and significant. To unpack these terms, coefficients means the different things that influence something, and "significant" is a scientific terms meaning that the numbers show a difference. Yes, it arbitrary, but not as arbitrary as saying, "I (your personal opinion) think people choose mates according to the color of their eyes." "Correlation" means they relate, but be cautious about cause and effect. i.e., People eat more ice cream on hot days. The heat is more likely to cause the eating of ice cream than the ice cream to cause the day to be hot ... but with more complicated issue, people don't always see the line of causation properly! (I know you've experienced this misconception.)

FROM THE BOOK:

Coefficients for physical traits are on the average ... not so high as for personality traits ... or religion ... but still significantly higher than zero. For a few physical traits the correlation is even higher than 0.2 [which is the average overall for physical traits] -- e.g., an astonishing 0.61 for length of middle finger. At least unconsciously, people care more about their spouse's middle-finger length than about his or her hair color and intelligence!

I can't say I was conscious about this, but I sure am now. (Which is what Emotional Intelligence is about -- self-awareness.)

Something DEFINITELY REGISTERED when she stopped and took a look at his hands. And it was something negative.

Knowledge is power. Information is useful. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for dating coaching, and get ahead of the curve.

Search terms: dance, yoga, world traveler, Italian, sense of humor

Like you, I date. I date to meet someone, but when I do, I also am thinking about dating coaching.

I had a date with a gentleman the other day who had many fine things to offer. He was relaxed and a good conversationalist, except he kept returning to the topic dancing. Yes, I like to dance. Why did he keep bringing it up? It continued. I like to dance like I like music. Part of my life, so I rarely mention it. It seems a slapped-on appendage to this guy, and I also suspected he was a poor dancer, learning or ...

Then I looked on match.com today and here are the "popular searches" they list for this week:

dance
yoga
world traveler
Italian
sense of humor
romantic
vegetarian

I got the IDEA that this guy "had read somewhere that women like..."

The Dating Coach says: Be yourself. If you've read something men (or women) like, and then try and work it into the conversation at regular intervals, it will seem that:

You read it somewhere and have a list, and are performing
That it's your obsession, the only hobby (interest) you have
Fakey
Stilted

Need I say more?

As to the "Italian" on there, my field is multicultural. Italian men are very attractive to US women. Not just for the most obvious reason.

Want to learn more? Dating Coaching available. Long-distance, on-site in the D. C. area. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I have several incentive programs. One of them will fit your needs.

How to Read People When You're Dating

We all want to know when we're dating or reviewing profiles on the Internet, or reading emails from potentials -- are they telling the truth.

Well this video will give you some good tips on reading other people, and also for better communication on your own part.

Notice it begins with "we all do this" but he's going to show you "how to observe yourself doing it." In other words -- self-awareness. To increase your emotional intelligence and self-awareness, get some coaching with me and take the EQ COURSE. EMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . Dating coaching can really help.



This also has good tips for hiring, interviewing, and your personal power presentation.

It's Time to Move in Together

A LITTLE HUMOR TODAY.
Enjoy!


Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'

He won't commit? She won't quit nagging? Call me for dating coaching - 817-741-7223.

Dating Coach Blog

I'm a dating coach, so get the chance to listen to a lot of people talk about dating these days. One thing's for sure: it isn't easy!

The thing I hear most often is people saying it's too hard and they want to give up. But they also want to meet someone. So, don't give up! Everyone's looking, everyone thinks it's hard -- we go forward.

If you'd like some tips, call me for dating coaching!

According to a recent article these are the Top 10 Favorite Ways Men Like to Have Someone Flirt with Them. What do you think of this. Guys, do you agree? Gals, has this worked for you?

1. Display concern for him, his feelings and well being
2. Talk about things he likes or dislikes, making comments and showing interest
3. Show him your daring or mischievous side
4. Sends him special/cute email messages
5. Shares jokes or amusing anecdotes with him
6. Compliments him on his screen name, attitude, personality and appearance
7. Make an effort to contact him in some form most every day
8. Send instant messages when he and you are online at the same time
9. Discuss seriously the traits he desires in a partner
10. Use suggestive language in online conversations with him

For Dating Coaching call Susan at 817-734-1471, or email sdunn@susandunn.cc . I am in the D. C. area and also coach by phone and email. Workshops available. Call me if your group wants a speaker.

What's Darwinius Masellae got to do with it?

Found on a dating profile

I like: teal blue, freckles on little girls, well-modulated voices, Carrara marble, Paris street cafes, tenors, playing Chopin, listening to Verdi, Tuscany, limoncello, Amalfi (if you drive), a good kisser, South Padre Island upon occasion, Darwinius Masellae, variety, sunsets, broccoli, lamb, the long twilights in the north, fin de siecle, tour guides like Andrew, burnt sienna, sometimes pina coladas in a hot tub, and that Deruta Uva Fresca Salad Bowl.

I don't like: sunrises, Gaudi, carrots, alarm clocks, 7-hour layovers in Frankfurt, that grease they fry foods in these days in the US, machines that don't work, agendas, SUVs and the women who drive them, mean people, getting pick-pocketed in Barcelona, people who are lactose-intolerant, defective motorcycles, the color lavendar, men who think Colbert's being serious, hearing about movies on historical tours, denouement in relationships, loud noises, nasty surprises and certified mail.

Now that really tells you a lot about the woman, doesn't it. Without going into the I like men with lots of money or I can't stand men who drink and beat me sort of stuff.

Try something like that. It works well!

One of the most important parts of COMPATIBILITY is laughing at the same things, and writing in that way tests a person's sense of humor.

For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-734-1471.

Want to Have More Orgasms? Increase your Emotional Intelligence

I've been saying this all along. That's why I offer THE EQ COURSE - online, email support, it increases your emotional intelligence, and therefore ...from the Journal of Secual Medicine, a "new" study. But we didn't need science to confirm this, did we?

READ ARTICLE HERE

Excerpts:

Women in touch with emotions have more orgasms - study. Published: Wednesday | May 13, 2009

Want to have more orgasms? Get to know yourself, ladies.

Emotional intelligence, the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, appears to increase the number of orgasms women have, a study by the King's College London's Department of Twin Research and published in the British Journal of Sexual Medicine has concluded.

The study suggests that low emotional intelligence is a potential risk factor for female orgasmic dysfunction, which is the second most frequently reported female sexual problem with two in five women stating to never, or finding it difficult to achieve an orgasm.

A high emotional intelligence level contributes to the ability to achieve orgasm more frequently.

Andrea Burri, psychologist at King's College London and lead author of the study, said, "Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.

"Our finding that women with high emotional intelligence have significantly more frequent orgasm during masturbation than women with lower emotional intelligence suggests that a woman's feeling of control, or the capacity to integrate physical stimulation with fantasy, may be contributors to orgasm as well as the better knowledge of women's own body," Burri added.

Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department and co-author of the study, said, "These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom. This study will help enormously in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives."

Want to take THE EQ COURSE? Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Steve Harvey on How to Get the Man to Marry You

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE MAN
My favorite - ladies you'll 'get' this one -

At your job, didn't you have the 90-day rule before benefits??

Notes from the interview with Steve Harvey, author of "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

Do you have standards for your man?
I can do with you what I
want because you have no standards.
When you saw her you had a plan, you
just haven't informed her what it is.
Right now we're just kickin' it.
There's a cute way to give an ultimatum.
Exact your standards and get
them out early.

A man who loves you will do the 3 Ps:
Profess -
within 6 months you'll have a title from a man (my girlfriend, love, my
fiancee)
Provide - Give you and the kids the money
Protect - No bill
collecter can call and harass you
One of the 3 isn't enough

Will you
be thrown back or are you a keeper??

And, ladies ...

It took him 6 months to think about "the ultimatum".
and she had to walk out first

(PSST!! WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ALONG?)

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

What Online Dating Sites Spend the Most on Advertising?

Just got a visit from Kerryon, Suddenly Single Minded. Returning the favor, I visited her blod and found the following:

Great places to meet women in San Francisco - invaluable

And these tips about online dating:

#3. Sign up for on Line Dating - the Top 3 are Match, Yahoo Personals and EHarmony. They spend more money on advertising than the next 10 sites combined. Match is Huge, Eharmonys is as slow as a glacier in December, Yahoo Personals (this is beginning to sound like Goldilocks) is just right…as is Jdate…Catholic Date is too Opus dei…and ohmygod, Atheistdate.com is too trippy…

#4.Once you are On - Up and Running on a Dating Site - For the best results you must:

Flirt 5 times every day.

Send a short - one line- note to - 5 different men - every day. What to say?

Easy~ “Loved reading your profile - we have somethings [sic] in common. Take a look. Hope to hear from you.”

Simple, succinct, polite and inviting. Go ahead - give it a whirl…

If you're dating online, your profile and photo are also uber important. Spend some time on it. It will pay off! Contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let me help you put your best, um, foot forward.

Is there love for you?

I am working with a man now who found the love of his life over a year ago. The trouble is that after he met her and they went together for a while and he was sure of his feelings, he did what guys do. He went into the cave. From her point of view - he just disappared.

What happened is, he had the plan in his mind. An action plan. In order to make his new love happen, he had to go back and finalize his divorce, which he hadn't taken care of several years ago.

So, to his new love's way of thinking - he disappeared.

He asks me, "But doesn't she know I had to finish the business of the divorce?"

No! She didn't. Why? Because he didn't say it. He just went off to do it.

Guys - remember to put words around your actions. And to do what you say you will do. That's one way a woman knows what's going on, and how she checks things out. She wants to make sure what you say (when you say it) isn't just "empty words."

The great thing about this romance is that she has agreed to take him back -- with reservations. She doesn't trust the relationship with him now, so he is working to win her trust back. But the important this is that she is willing to give him a second chance. They have started at the beginning again and are going slower this time.

What is love? Love, ultimately, is trust.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ... FOREIGNER

He Wants to See Your Face; She Wants to See Your Bank Statement

Want a Rich Man? Time's running out. Get dating coaching. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Q: This guy on millionairematch.com called, and we got along great. Then he emailed me and said he wanted to see photos of my face - and current. I was really insulted. I sent him a recent headshot, and then asked him to send me a photo of his second house in Malibu. I haven't heard back from him. I've really work to be in great shape. People tell me I'm beautiful, I'm slender, and I look decades younger than my real age. I intend to marry a wealthy man. Not for the dumb reason that I watched The Hills and Gossip Girl, but because it's part of who I am. I've never dated a guy making less than 6 figures. Because I'm used to wealth and because rich guys are smart, educated, sophisticated, and have good self-esteem. It's part of my history and my lifestyle. What can I do without being rude?

A: Let's define 'wealthy guy', where to find them, how to get one, ETC.

"Ten Things You Need to Know if You Want to Marry a Rich Guy"
by Susan Dunn, Dating Coach

Let's begin with a dose of emotional intelligence (EQ). Why? Wealthy men have it all together, and they're looking for the same in a woman - someone with social graces and inner beauty as well as the outer panache. They also can ferret out a gold-digger like any prey knows its predator. If you're JUST after a guy for his money, it won't happen. If you see it as part of the package that you are looking for, and love the man as well as his deeds (for the two cannot be separated), it will work.

From Fascinating Facts about Rich Guys

1. The Tax Foundation Group in Washington DC defines "rich man" as someone earning $104,000 or more. (Reference, Fascinating Facts about Rich Guys) I'd up that quite a bit, wouldn't you?

2. How about making more than $1 million annually. Well the good news is ther are 9.5 million people earning at least that, and 94,970 are pulling in at least $30 million each year. (from Fascinating Facts)

3. It isn't just doctors and lawyers any more, though you need to look at type preference. A doctor or lawyer is likely to be more 'professional' in the old sense, more conservative, well-educated in the liberal arts sense, their career trajectory is fairly predictable and proscribed, and perhaps they're second-generation wealthy. On the other hand, these days a lot of men have made their wealth on the Internet, or managing hedge funds, or other more creative enterpreneur-type work. One man we know had made a million before he was 30, with his own software company, was bought out in a hostile takeover, and then decided to get his formal education and went to Oxford. Now he's an entrepreneur again. Can you follow that? Get ready for the ride.

Here are some of the "new rich," from the article:

Mark Zuckerberg, 23, founder of Facebook...$1.5 billion
Andrew Gower, 29, founder of Runescape...$216 million
Chad Hurley, 30, cofounder of You Tube...$300 million
Andrew Michael, 29, founder of FastHosts...$87 million

But this is chicken feed compared to the more mature rich men, who made their money the old-fashioned way. From Forbes:

Warren Buffet, investor - $62 billion
Helú Slim, wireless telephone - $60 billion - and girls, he's widower
Lakshmi Mittal, in steel - $45 billion
Mukesh Ambani, petrochemicals - $43 billion
Anil Ambani, industrialist, brother of the above - $40 billion
Ingvar Kamprad , Ikea - $31 billion
KP Singh, real estate - $30 billion
Oleg Deripaska, metals - $28 billion
Karl Albrecht, grocery stores - $20 billion

4. Rich guys travel. On business and for pleasure. And they out. Beef. They expect the best of everything ... what else is money for? So put yourself in hotel bars and upscale steak houses where they serve prime Angus. Visit the bar first, because they will.

5. Go where they live. And where do they live?

The research firm Teasley ranked the following United States cities as having the best ratio of rich, single men to women.

1. San Francisco Bay area
2. Anchorage, Alaska
3. Washington, D.C./Baltimore
4. Sheboygan, Wisconsin
5. Naples, Florida
6. Minneapolis/Saint Paul
7. Rochester, Minnesota
8. Boston
9. Fort Walton Beach, Florida
10. Dallas

6. Forget it if you're really a gold-digger. How does a gold-digger act? Come on, we all know. Rich men are pursued by "gold-diggers," and they know the signs, like any prey knows its predator. You can't fake it, so get real about what you want and WHY. If you're a gold-digger, you won't get a rich man. That's just the way it is. Karma, doncha know.

7. Know what goes with what. According to studies, rich men do more porn on the Internet, have more sex and more partners, and about 1/3rd of them are members of the mile-high club. Also, rich men give women more orgasms.

8. What they expect? That you're beautiful (to them) is a given. You are also EXPECTED to be sophisticated, gracious, well-bred and educated, and to be able to plan social schedules.

9. Be smart. In the emotional intelligence (EQ) way, and also in the IQ/educated way. 89% of rich men want to marry a woman who is their intellectual equal, or smart than them. They don't have a self-esteem problem. Many want their woman to have a high-profile career of her own.

10. Be brunette. Huh? According to the article:

Blond is reputed to be the sexiest hair color, but according to a survey by Lycos, 62 percent of the world’s top 100 billionaires’ wives and girlfriends are brunettes. What’s still unclear: whether these rich men seek out darker-haired women or if there are just more of them out there (fair hair is rarer).

11. Be looking for Polo Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Armani, Coach or Burberry. Most popular threads with rich men? Polo Ralph Lauren.

A Gift for You for Valentine's Day/Friday the 13th

Download FREE Marvin Gaye's "Lets Get it On" now through February 14th.
To get your free download, go HERE. Click here for the 100 Most Romantic Albums of all Time.

A Valentine's/Alone for Valentine's Day/Fight with your Lover/Can't Get a Date/Friday the 13th/Economic Crisis/Job searching/Moving Gift for You - FREE Mini-Course on Finger Healing

<----This is the Vitarka Mudra. You probably know of the benefits of finger tapping, and the healing properties of mudras. The Vitarka Mudra (mudra of discussion) is made by joining the tips of the thumb and the index together, keeping the other fingers straight, and turning the palm outward. (as pictured).

The Jnana Mudra ("mudra of knowledge), which you'll see and learn about in the OBAMA VIDEO, also known as "pure awareness free of conceptual emcumbrances", is done by touching the tips of the thumb and index finger together, forming a circle. The hand is held with the palm inward, toward the heart.

Click HERE for FREE Mini-course on Finger Healing.

Whatever the stress - Valentine's Day, Friday the 13th, loss of job, fear about economy, that lover who won't make a committment, public speaking, or a root canal ... finger tapping and finger healing can help.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR OWN FREE FINGER HEALING MINI-COURSE .

Watch this video on how Obama uses some of these gestures while speaking. It looks like he is doing the Vitarka Mudra in this opening shot. What do you think? (also described as combining spirituality and physicality, asking for aid from above)



Don't miss my article in TIME MAGAZINE. Susan Dunn, Executive Coach in Dallas ... "Are Hugs the New Handshakes".

As stated in the article, "...last month ...[Obama] bestowed no fewer than nine hugs on senior male staffers at a single meeting."

Would he be looking at other women if he loved you?

clipped from www.sciam.com

People in Love Are Blind to Pretty Faces

If your loved one claims to “only have eyes for you”

it might be truer than you think

Research shows that people in a committed relationship who have been thinking about their partner actually avert their eyes from attractive members of the opposite sex without even being aware they are doing it

it takes longer for viewers to shift their attention away from attrac­tive faces of the opposite sex.

subjects who were married

Those who wrote about love actually turned their attention away from attractive members of the opposite sex even more quickly

than they looked away from average-looking people

This unconscious attentional bias probably evolved to help men and women stay in monogamous relation­ships

in humans tend to have a reproductive advantage

These biases have been built into our psychology to enhance people’s reproductive success.”

Is She Affectionate?

HOW CAN YOU TELL WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE STANDING OUTSIDE? That's what it's like when you read a woman's profile on an Internet dating site.

Here's a tip for the guys.

I know the way guys are ... I coach a lot of guys about dating, so I hear the stories. From a recent conversation:

She said she was cuddly and affectionate in her profile. That she liked to touch and all that. But she wasn't that way in person. Now I don't believe it when I read that on a profile. How are you supposed to know and what should you believe? It's a riddle to me.

THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE: Gentleman, ladies are not affectionate non-specifically and in general, with every man. Their response is to a particular man and how they feel about him. When a woman writes on her profile that she's warm and affectionate, or likes physical attention, or enjoys romance and love-making, she doesn't mean this will happen with every man she dates, just because it's a man and she's on a date. It means she will be that way if she happens to like you. If she doesn't, she isn't going to be physically affectionate toward you. Emotions and physical intimacy go together for a woman.

So there's no riddle to it. If she says she's that way, she means she's that way when she loves the man. If she isn't that way with you, it's because you aren't the man for her. And so it's best for you to look elsewhere, but also to believe what you read in their profiles. If she says she's affectionate, and you're the lucky man she falls in love with, you'll be smothered in kisses!

Do You Want to Date an Extrovert?

HOW TO FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN GET ALONG WITH

There are a lot more extroverts in the US than introverts, according to the Myers-Briggs people. So, in a world run by extroverts, introverts are often misunderstood. And vice versa!

Should and extrovert and an introvert date?

That's up to you, but it's good to know which you are, and which you prefer. A lot of times opposites DO attract. Although not everyone is this blunt, you will find hints on a person's profile. Here is one from one of the major online dating sites:

I am a personality whore. Alittle harsh? Definetly. I crave conversation and fun. If you think pouting and standing in the corner thinking you are too good for everyone is attractive we do not have anything in common.

Pardon his English. Extroverts get energy from being with other people (personalities). Generally they can't stand to be alone. Therefore they "crave" being with other people. Since introverts need time alone, they wouldn't understand this and might call it "pouting" or "thinking you're too good for everyone." They often look at introverts as "shy."

Every activity this person listed was people-oriented. No leisure-time pursuits like computer, learning, philosophy or reading. He prefers IM to email and likes phone or in-person even more.

Lots of signs he's an extrovert. It's good to know how to look for these things when you are dating online. Also good to let others know these things about you. Ask the Dating Coach - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

The Top 10 Internet Dating Tips and Important No. 11

When you're establishing a relationship, you want to build trust. Whatever you SAY, back it up. No one is MAKING you say "I will call you tomorrow," so if you say it, mean it and do it.

Top 10 Internet Dating Tips

1. People are dating on the Internet because we all have serious limitations - geographical and timewise.

Example: Martin in looking online. Martin is 85 and lives in Lantana, Texas. Where the heck is Lantana Texas (and I live in Texas)??

2. Watch the spelling! It matters. It stops the flow, and makes a poor impression.

Someone sent me an email they got today with the subject line "Hi Cuttie Pie!"

By the time she got around that one, her initial enthusiasm had died.

3. Men, pursue, gently. Don't give ultimatums or orders. This is courtship, not business.

Let's say you haven't heard from her in a week.

Examples
Yes: I'm still hoping to hear from you. I think we have a lot in common.
No: Okay, this is it. I hotlisted you and I emailed you twice. Either write me back or just tell me no.

NO ONE responds well to an ultimatum.

4. Men, keep a lid on your "visual" and your innuendos.

Examples
No: I've seen you peeking. Come on and email me.
No: While on the phone, looking at her profile photo, "What is it you have on? What's that a top or a sweater or what?

These things are creepy for women.

5. Keep at it. This is not a quick-fix thing.

Example
Marty has been busy with work. She finally got to her emails and there were 2 that interested her, from about a month ago. When she went to look, it said their profiles had been removed. We know this means either (1) the profile has been removed; or (2) it is no longer accessible to YOU, you've been blocked.

Either way - not good. It usually takes months of being on the site. I've had male clients who said "this doesn't work" after just one month. Don't be so fast on the trigger.

6. It's a War of Nerves for men and women both. People need to take breaks, especially when it's someone they're really interested in. This applies more to women. If she doesn't reply right away, or breaks the momentum, wait. Don't badger. The proceed again.

Example
Nancy had a really promising phone conversation with a man, after emailing. He ended the call saying he wanted to see her. She writes me that it's been two days and he hasn't called her. My advice: Don't worry. That's usually the way it goes. If he 's going to see you, this is how men work -- they WORK. Remember, I coach lots of male clients. They disappear to go do the work. From what I hear, he is making lists, i.e., to have a relationship with this woman I have to get the bathroom retiled, rearrange my investment portfolio and check airfares for the best price.

Yes, it's true! That's what they do.

Gentlmen, now that I've told you this is hard on the woman, consider checking-in phone calls or emails. Just to let her know you're still there and still interested.

7. Gentle pressure.

Be a breeze going through the forest, not a hurricane destroying everything in its path. This may seem like the person who could be the Love of Your Life, but

8. Remember you always can control the pace.

Anna just put a new photo on her profile. She was deluged with emails and said "This is too much. I just don't like it."

Two points here:
(1) The photo really matters. To both sexes.
(2) Don't try and eat the elephant in one bite. Responses tend to come in batches. There WILL be a change in the pace, so while it's good, just enjoy. Answer them one-by-one.

9. A gentle beginning usually brings on a long-lasting relationship.

IM is especially bad for this. You meet someone and then IM constantly, and for days. This doesn't work. You get TMI too fast. And ladies, it's generally up to YOU to control the pace.

10. Men, ask the woman about herself, but not like it's a deposition. Ask open-ended questions.

Yes: So how do you like living in San Diego? I've never been there. What's it like?
No: How long have you lived in San Diego? (next) How long have you been single? (next) Usually people who do this then ask the impossible question, like "How come you never remarried.

If you need coaching on how to have these intial conversations, call me. Set up a time by emailing sdunn@susandunn.cc .

And here's the important

No. 11 It really does work. I talk to people all the time who have met people on the Internet that they established long-term relationships or marriage with. YES IT WORKS, if you work it.

#1 complaint about men dating online

Are you a man looking for a date on the Internet? Gentlemen, the #1 complaint of women dating on the Internet is the misspellings and grammar in the men's emails.

Here are some at random from match.com:

I believe that I am a great friend to my friends. I enjoy sports and love to travel and meet people. I never opposed to trying new things. I work hard and enjoy life

That's ME---'Old Fasshioned" manners. I am VERY traditional. I, promise, I will TOTALLY spoil you. Can you endure that?

Subject line: Lot's in common

I AM LOOKING FOR A TENDER CARING WOMAN TO SHOW A GOOD TIME AS A COMPANION AND DEVELOPE A RELATIONSHIP WITH

I am a true story teller, I am a very sensative fellow. If you look close you will see tears in my eyes sometimes. I am a very srtong guy, very healthy, very physically fit, and very active. I excersice my physical body everyday.

The sad thing is that the sentiments expressed are lovely and would appeal to a woman, but it is even hard to concentrate and keep reading with such mayhem.

Let me coach you about dating online and help you compose those emails. You write it and I'll edit it. I also can help you find the right Internet dating sites for what you're looking for.

Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to find out more about Dating Coaching.

And yes, you're right, not everyone cares about spelling and grammar, and maybe they shouldn't, they should be able to see "the real you," but ... The Right Woman for you might be one of those who likes a well-written email. You don't want to eliminate yourself right out the starting gate.

Online Dating one of top ten search terms today on yahoo

Top 10 searches on yahoo today, #6 is online dating.

1. Emilie de Ravin
2. Taraji P. Henson
3. Caroline Kennedy
4. Roadable Aircraft
5. Inkheart

6. Online Dating
7. Short Cruise Deals
8. Mark McGwire
9. HDTVs
10. Stock Markets

So how is your dating going? As a Dating Coach I hear over and over - there's nobody out there, I never find anyone, the really neat guys don't get online, and a million other excuses.

In today's busy world online dating is a viable option, one you should not overlook.

SUCCESS STORY

And it works. One of my clients met the love of his life online, and is getting ready to move from Dallas to Austin next month so they can live together. I coached him for nearly a year on this - and look at the great results! In fact he came to me just at the point where he was about to give up because he was having problems with the budding relationship.

Another client - after a year, he finally popped the question. We worked hard together to make it happen.

Let me be your Dating Coach. email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

HAPPY NEW YEAR