Trick Questions Dates Ask You

ARE YOU STILL BEATING YOUR WIFE AND OTHER "TRICK" QUESTIONS

Dear Susan,

This guy's on eharmony where you do all those canned questions and answers. When we got to the open comunication he asked, "So do you have your life together?" I smelled a rat. How are you supposed to answer that, and what are they after? I suspect he has issues with some bipolar from his past ... what are your thoughts?"
Love, Kammetha

Dear Kammetha,

You're right to smell a rat. I would beg the issue, and answer: "Yes, my life is great, and I'd like someone to share it with."

You beg the question "is your life together?" I'd take under advisement any one who would ask that. Life is never 'together.' Okay? For instance, if HIS life is so "together" why is he looking for a mate? It tells more about him and his past failures or mistakes in date-choosing. It's like asking "So are you addicted to illegal drugs?" Or "Do you get along with your parents and do you have lots of friends?" "Are you an exercise freak/coach potato?"

These are questions better lived out. If asked directly, they exhibit a kind of naivete you want to avoid. If you can't identify someone who might be on drugs, please call me for coaching. Most people with disordered lives give off plenty of cues. Many will come right out and say it; they take a sort of pride in it.

Things like coach potato? We have a hard time descibing our "interests". They DEPEND. Be much more aware of someone who lists one interest. They will probably be unbalanced and rigid. If he lists for his interests "golf," he is looking for a golf partner not a woman and relationship. Let him find a man for that.

These questions are in a sense like the old legal one: "Are you still beating your wife?"

Let me help you sort out the clues and get smart! I've read hundreds of profiles and emails, and talked to people dealing with them. And let me help you formulate questions that GET YOU THE ANSWER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.