Thursday, August 28, 2008

Is This a Good Person to Date, or Not



"If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that's a lot easier than continually getting hurt"

If only people had this skill. It's particularly important for dating.

The fascinating article entitled FRIEND OR FOE, CROWS NEVER FORGET A FACE, IT SEEMS from the NY Times, ends:

Dr. McGowan and Dr. Marzluff believe that this ability gives crows and their brethren an evolutionary edge. “If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that’s a lot easier than continually getting hurt,” Dr. Marzluff said. “I think it allows these animals to survive with us — and take advantage of us — in a much safer, more effective way.”
So how can you tell from an online profile or a first date, who to avoid and who to seek out?
Let me be your Dating Coach. Take THE EQ COURSE and get the edge.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Graboys' Life in the Balance


From a book review, A Doctor Transformed, Into a Patient, By ABIGAIL ZUGER, M.D., about the book, LIFE IN THE BALANCE A Physician's Memoir of Life, Love and Loss With Parkinson's Disease and Dementia. By Thomas Graboys, M.D., with Peter Zheutlin.


From the amazon book review, at age 49, Dr. Thomas Graboys seemed to have the world at his feet, living a charmed life. He was a nationally renowned Boston cardiologist "popular for his attention to the hearts and souls of his patients," married to a beautiful woman. Then his wife died of cancer, and he began to have physical symptoms he could not ignore. He collapsed on his wedding day to his second wife ...


From the review:



His reflections as a husband are more unusual. He courted his second wife while still ostensibly healthy, although privately he knew something was wrong. He writes candidly about this duplicity, and the complicated grief and anger that infuse their relationship now as she faces a future of caretaking far different from the one she signed up for.

Dating ... Duplicity ... things changing ... love and hate ... what you sign up for and what you get ... the things we can never anticipate ... what love is and what love requires ...
Dr. Zuger ends her review with:

This is the kind of book inevitably given to medical students to inculcate them in the humanistic dimensions of medicine. I wouldn't waste it on them. Save it for older doctors, still at the top of their game, gleaming and self-confident. Each of them could use this textbook of the graceful and courageous exit.



Our heart goes out to all ...
Susan Dunn, M.A., Dating Coach, 817-741-7223, sdunn@susandunn.cc

DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR, Sat., October 18th, 10 am to 5 pm in Dallas. Pre-register for 10% discount. $249 per person.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Unrealistic Expectations about Your Dream Partner



THE PERFECT MATE FOR YOU

Well, we are all something - tall, short, heavy, skinny, weak, strong, brunette ... these are physical attributes.
We are also kind, considerate, relationship-oriented, good communcators, honest, faithful, playboys, inconsiderate, flighty, demanding, needy ...

It seems to be hard to us to realize that physical attributes change. I remember a guy in college with the most gorgeous black thick curly hair. He was also so muscular and well over 6'3". Yes, the Big Man on Campus. I met him 30 years late, and he was nearly bald , his muscles had weakened and he had shrunk an inch or two. What remained was that he still used words like "honor code".

You see?
If you fall in love with a passing physical trait, you are falling in love with something that will not endure. (In fact it isn't 'love', it's something else!!) It's like you love black hair, you don't love Fred, who happens to have black hair... and might not one day.

On the short support org blog I found the following. There are many people concerned that they are "short":


Dr. Phil is a CBS talk show in which Dr. Phil McGraw counsels guests in a
no-nonsense manner about their issues.

During a December 2006 episode, he interviewed several guests with unrealistic expectations from relationships. One woman was so absolutely impossible in her demands of men - to the point that her girlfriend practically forced her to attend the show. Dr. Phil was often at a loss for words, eyeing the camera quizzically at several points as she talked, clearly flabbergasted by her negative attitude.

Not only did she demean balding men (right in front of McGraw, himself balding), but she soon mentioned how short men just don't make the grade as far as she is concerned. He looked at her and told her that she herself was short, prompting her to respond "but it's okay for a girl to be short."

What a sick, self-interested attitude. According to her, any short man
is not "okay." Literally, she is worthy of love, but a man of her height? No.

McGraw clearly saw the stupidity in the comment, but he did not pursue
it any further. I wish he had done so, but being a man of well over six feet
tall I'm just glad he was able to spot something wrong with it at all.

Comments from the blog. by Mr, Parma.

What I want to bring out here is
several guests with unrealistic expectations from relationships. One woman was so absolutely impossible in her demands of men - to the point that her girlfriend practically forced her to attend the show
And here's the wonder of the world. In my last dating seminar we went over "lists." One woman had put that she liked short men, like 5'6" she said. Another women frowned and said, "How can you? They gotta be at least 6'2" for me." "Ewwww," replied the first woman.

Well, that's the wonder of the world.
Make your lists of desireable, must-haves, and deal-breakers, I always recommend that; but let me help you with it. There's a lot to learn in dating and searching, and I'm here to help. There's a difference between "standards" (I want a man who is honest in his dealings with other) and "demands" (He must be at least 6' tall and muscular.).


Standards are about relationship and how one lives their life. Physical charactistics are accidents of nature, and have more to do with lust, than love. (See my EQ course to differentiate the reptile brain, from the limbic brain, from the neocortex). You will find it SOOO helpful. Little hint: that hottie that turns you on could possibly be a disaster to marry ( I have listened to the other end of this a LOT.)

I am true romantic and I KNOW there's a pot for every lid!! Let me help you find yours.




Sunday, August 24, 2008

Stellar Dating Coach


Susan Dunn, M.A., The Dating Coach
"Susan has an uncanny way of focusing and targeting the optimal strategy of achieving your relationship goals.
If you want supreme direction and excellent service, take it from me, Susan is the most stellar internet dating coach in the world."
Top Qualities: Great Results, Expert, Good Value
First used services: 2006 (multiple times)
Testimonial from: Margaret Loris, The SunHealer
DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR, Dallas, Sat., October 18th, 10 am - 5 pm.
Beautiful facilities conveniently located just 20 mins from DFW airport.
Participation limited. $249 per person. 10% discount if you register before October 1.
email Susan at sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Personal dating and relationship coaching internationally by phone and email.

Who is Michael Phelps Dating?


What if you read a dating profile where the man listed for his "interests:"
I’ve got a pretty quiet life. It’s kinda boring. I haven’t got a girlfriend and I can’t do the kind of things all my friends are doing as college students. I swim, listen to hip hop and work on my car.
Think you might pass him up as "boring"? Think again! This is attributed to Michael Phelps spreadit.org Yes, indeed, he "swims."

A lot of men doing interesting and serious things with their lives won't list a lot of interests. Actually, I've talked to 100s of men and women and helped them write and re-write their profiles and a big one is "interests."

From Kareena:

What am I supposed to put for interests? What did I do today?
Listened to come classical music, cleaned house, went over to have dinner with
my son and family and took 3 client calls. What would I do if I had a
neat guy in my life??
That's a totally other thing.

Does Michael have a girlfriend? He's been linked to swimmer Amanda Beard, who denied it; and to supermodel Lily Donaldson, who also denied dating him. Lately he's been linked to gold medal winning swimmer Stephanie Rise.

True?

According to Game On , Phelps always replies:


  • Part of my life is kept to myself. I'm able to relax and be with my friends. Those pretty much are the only people who really know the answer to that.


    Well, the Dating Coach has to say, that the gentleman's response. Used to be that a gentleman didn't "kiss and tell." That's not a bad idea!

    Recommendation when your date asks you about previous dates, partners, spouses and exes -- that it be kept to a minimum and that you practice with me suitable responses. After all, it's "history" isn't it? Or you wouldn't be a very attractive date prospect.

    Let me work with you on responses to the "trick" questions. That's what Dating Coaching is all about.

    If you want a second date, or even second email, it matters how you answer questions ... and also how you ask them.

    Favorite woman's profile comment seen this week:

    Q: What's your idea of a great first date?
    A: Anything as long as it doesn't feel like a job interview!!!

    Answer to "interests"? Ladies and gentlemen, if it's hard for you to write, it's hard for them to write. Give people a long lead until you get a "deal breaker." Kareena tells me she'd love to go to the Galapagos Island, if she had someone to go with. That's a far cry from listening to music and visiting with family!

    Photo: wikipedia, common domain

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Where to take a date for dinner

MEZZA LUNA, Dallas area (Keller)


What a lovely view. Notice the piano area.
There is piano playing on the weekends. The tasteful floral arrangements. That perfect shade of (celadon??) on the walls, wall and crown molding, with the black ceiling, the white tablecloths. Nothing "franchise" about this place at all.

We're back at Mezza Luna, in Dallas to give you an idea of a wonderful place to take a date for dinner when you're getting to know each other.
We suggest that you not take 15 women to "Starbucks on 377" (women can smell this out, let me tell you), but rather learn (that's what coaching is for) how to discriminate down to a few that really have potential, and then treat them right. Take them out for a nice dinner. Not a huge place, fussy, franchise, noisy, or that screams "I'm insecure".

Mezza Luna features beautifully framed pieces of great art. Dante Gabriel Rosetti is a favorite of mine. Pure romance and class. The lighting is just right. One white candle and a small bouquet of crimson flowers on the tables which have white tablecloths.



















The decor is what a woman would consider just right, just romantic enough without being "overkill." And gentleman, there's a great steakhouse down the road which I won't name (and I love their prime rib) that's great for the guys and the food is fantastic, and IT features a wall length mural of James Dean a la GIANT. This might just give you the clue that IT is the perfect place for a BUSINESS dinner.



ABOUT THAT PERFECT DATING RESTAURANT


We're back again at Mezza Luna, in Keller, Tx. (20 mins. from DFW). I know readers of my blog and my dating coach clients live all over the world, but I want you to consider this as an example.
There is a beautiful entryway. Behind the door, between it and the front door is a nice little area where you can wait for your date. There is a bar area, but a lady on her own will probably wish to avoid this.
It all comes together there at Mezza Luna - understated is an important word. Just the right size. The white tableclothes. Nothing franchise. You have to hunt a little to find it, which means you're either a man who knows the town, or you did a little work, both of which women appreciate. And it is just romantic enough. Tasteful.
There are enough options on the menu to suit anyone's taste, and the prices are reasonable. The owner has been there every time I've been there (I take everyone there), and he'll quickly be greeting you, which makes a nice impression.
And I can't help saying, as all the newspaper writeups do -- Don't miss the tiramisu. It's perfecto!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Usain Bolt had a coach, do you


Usain Bolt had Coaching ... Do You?
Coaching isn't just for athletes any more, it's for dating!!


The Olympics news tell us that Usain Bolt has broken a world record, something no one has done before.


The Yahoo teaser continues that Bolt is the first man to break the world marks in both sprints at an olympics. Not even Jesse Owens did this ... we would have thought it impossible.


This reminds me of a woman who called me for Dating Coach several months ago, told me a little about herself, and then added, "I bet you've never had such a hard sell before."


Fast forward - This woman is now dating a wonderful man, after 3 months of coaching with me.


ABOUT COACHING


Since I'm a coach, I went to wikipedia and tried to find out about Usain Bolt's coaches. Wikipedia says,



"Under the guidance of new coach Fitz Coleman, Bolt turned professional in 2004,beginning with the CARIFTA games in Bermuda....He became the first junior
sprinter to run the 200 metres in under 20 seconds, breaking Roy Martin' world
junior record by two tenths of a second with 19.93 seconds.

The following year, 2005, signalled a fresh start for Bolt in the form of a new coach, Glen Mills and a new attitude to athletics. Mills recognised Bolt's potential andaimed to cease the sprinter's unprofessional approach to the sport. TheJamaican surprised even himself with the time but coach Glen Mills remained confident there was more to come. Mills' prediction came true before the end ofthe month when Bolt established a new 100 metres world record in May. He then encouraged Bolt to try the 100.


This is what coaches do! One thing I did for sure with the female client mentioned above is give her a total new ATTITUDE toward dating. That's because I've done a lot of dating coaching, and seen the successes. I KNEW there was a man out there looking for this woman, and that a change of attitude was in order.


One thing is that she tried once or twice and then gave up. What would've happened if Bolt had done that? If his coach had let him do that?


Dating coaching is all about attitude, strategy, and what works and what doesn't, from years of experience.


Let me help you find the mate of your dreams.

Photo: wikipedia commons, author Eckhard Pecher (Arcimboldo)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Is he/she emotionally available?



And if you try to close your heart to them, you will grossly limit your life, happiness, success, and ability to connect with others.


From the emailbag today:


Dear Dating Coach,

This is what he wrote me. What do you think?

Sandra, I don't know who you think you are to patronize me like
that.


All I did was express sympathy at the death of his wife, right after he
filed for divorce. I mean that's got to be rough.


This man is not available emotionally for a relationship.


It's the law of emotions (like physics) that if you stuff down one emotion, you stuff them all down.


There are people attempting to date online that simply are not ready because they have not dealt with "baggage."


Let me help you identify them quickly, so that you don't waste your time. We bless them, and hope for their healing, but it is roller coaster to try and get involved with someone who has not processed a divorce or death or breakup, or other major lif event, for that matter.


Refer them to me for coaching! :-) (in my other field, emotional intelligence)


The EQ COURSE will help you understand how emotions/feelings work and what you can do about it. Many people call it "the missing piece."


I love emotional intelligence. It's my passion. Let me share it with you! email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's get to work!


COME TO THE DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR IN DALLAS Saturday, October 18th, 10 am to 5 pm. Beautiful facility just 20 mins. from DFW. email me for more information and discounted pre-registration fee. sdunn@susandunn.cc

Monday, August 18, 2008

What restaurant is right for the first date










WHERE TO TAKE HER ON YOUR FIRST DATE


Today I did reviewed a local restaurant called Mezza Luna in Keller Tx (between Dallas and Fort Worth) that I think is an excellent place to take a woman for a first date.


I don't recommend inviting 16 women a week to meet you at Starbucks. This is like emailing "flirts" or those canned messages. Why not be discriminating, choose those who really appeal to you, for all the right reasons, and give it a good start and make a good impression by taking them to dinner. But not a chain restaurant! That's the ":-)" thing again. Show that you are discriminating. That's what a woman is looking for.


Why do I recommend this one:



  • It is easy to get to, and to find. Off 1709, a major thoroughfare, one that's easy to drive, and one that is about midway between Dallas and Ft. Worth.


  • It is in a wide, designer type 'strip' center, where the building stands higher than any others there, and the name is on it. Again, easy to find. It stands out.


  • There is plenty of parking and no garage to have to mess with.


  • When you walk in, there is a real foyer entrance. This sets a nice tone, and there are chairs if the lady should have to wait.


  • It is open from 11 am to 10 pm, which gives you wide latitude ... early lunch, lunch, late lunch, cocktails and heavy hors d'oeuvres, dinner, late dinner ...


  • There is a pianist there who plays on the weekends. This is a lovely touch as you can request something meaningful, or simply beautiful. I always ask for O Sole Mio. If you know the lyrics of this great Neapolitan love song, well it's what we all want in our love ...roughly translated ... "It's my own sun that's in your face! The sun, my own sun! It's in your face!


  • Ask for a table farthest from the piano though, so it isn't too loud for conversation.


  • It has white tablecloths. Need I say more? There is a white candle on the table.


  • It is quiet enough to be romantic if you like, and to be able to talk; without being intimidating or overdone or "too" elegant for early dating.


  • The food is excellent AND is reasonably priced. It somehow makes the right impression. Taking a woman out for a $50 steak is somehow overkill.


  • The service is good. You should not have to worry about that.
  • Like Goldilocks, it's not too big, it's not too small, it's just right.
  • The menu is Italian, but not so much it knocks you over the head.
  • And lastly, what smells better than entering an Italian restaurant??

Find a restaurant that sets this kind of tone - Excellent and understated, with those white tablecloths! And where the location is not stressful. This allows you to devote your attention to the important part - getting to know each other.

Do not choose your wife at a dance

This one is for the guys. The Czech proverb above say "Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters." Another proverb is that men fall is love with their eyes ... which is fine, but that is not a good reason to choose a partner for marriage. For Proverbs of the World go to www.susandunn.cc and click the link on the left.

Ah, but you say, we don't plow fields any more, or I don't live in Czechloslovakia, so so what?

Why "in the field among the harvesters" in the year 2008, in the US, the UK, or the Ukraine? Because marriage involves a lot of work. Children to raise, houses to care for, someone to pull the load with you, careers to build, degrees to attain, retirements to fund.

Ah, but that's just for young folks, you say?

We know better than that. When you are choosing later in life, it isn't time to think "retirement" and choose a playmate to go off on your yacht with you. There are illnesses, crucial problems with kids, finances to rearrange, declining health, and more work. Even the yacht has to be taken care of and funded.

Yes, you've saved the last dance for her, and she, for you, but think a little.

As a wise young man named Chester once told me, "Scenery gets old. No matter how good it is."

And as an older, sadder-but-wiser client told me the other day, as he searches again, "If only she had been as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside."

If you are building a life together, it involves work. Choose your wife in a field ...

Let me help you find the partner of your dreams and of your reality. The Dating Coach is here to help you.

DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR IN DALLAS, Saturday, October 28, 10 am - 5 pm. Led by Dating coach and emotional intelligence expert, Susan Dunn, M.A. Beautiful facilities located 20 minutes from DFW airport. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc for information and pre-register at a discounted fee.


How to Win at Dating


YOU CAN WIN AT DATING
"It's tough to do, but you've got to work at living, you know? Most people work at dying, but anybody can die; the easiest thing on this earth is to die. But to live takes guts; it takes energy, vitality, it takes thought. . . . We have so many negative influences out there that are pulling us down. . . . You've got to be strong to overcome these adversities . . . that's why I never stop." - Jack LaLane


The Dating Coach is here to help you keep after the good things in life. It's easy to give up. But not with me as your Dating Coach.


I've helped many people to success. Let me help you. sdunn@susandun.cc

Trick Questions Dates Ask You


ARE YOU STILL BEATING YOUR WIFE AND OTHER "TRICK" QUESTIONS


Dear Susan,

This guy's on eharmony where you do all those canned questions and answers. When we got to the open comunication he asked, "So do you have your life together?" I smelled a rat. How are you supposed to answer that, and what are they after? I suspect he has issues with some bipolar from his past ... what are your thoughts?"
Love, Kammetha

Dear Kammetha,

You're right to smell a rat. I would beg the issue, and answer: "Yes, my life is great, and I'd like someone to share it with."

You beg the question "is your life together?" I'd take under advisement any one who would ask that. Life is never 'together.' Okay? For instance, if HIS life is so "together" why is he looking for a mate? It tells more about him and his past failures or mistakes in date-choosing. It's like asking "So are you addicted to illegal drugs?" Or "Do you get along with your parents and do you have lots of friends?" "Are you an exercise freak/coach potato?"


These are questions better lived out. If asked directly, they exhibit a kind of naivete you want to avoid. If you can't identify someone who might be on drugs, please call me for coaching. Most people with disordered lives give off plenty of cues. Many will come right out and say it; they take a sort of pride in it.

Things like coach potato? We have a hard time descibing our "interests". They DEPEND. Be much more aware of someone who lists one interest. They will probably be unbalanced and rigid. If he lists for his interests "golf," he is looking for a golf partner not a woman and relationship. Let him find a man for that.


These questions are in a sense like the old legal one: "Are you still beating your wife?"


Let me help you sort out the clues and get smart! I've read hundreds of profiles and emails, and talked to people dealing with them. And let me help you formulate questions that GET YOU THE ANSWER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

Friday, August 15, 2008

If she couldn't, how can you??


Why Sandra wasn't meeting men
Why should you be looking for Mr. Right on the Internet? Because, despite what lots of experts say, these days it is nearly impossible to meet men in the daily course of your life, including work and activities.


Listen to what Sandra told me:



Thank you sooo much for getting me on the Internet to date. And boy am I telling other people. I have a high profile job in public relations. You know how they always tell you to get out where they men are? Picture this -- for years I've had lunch at some networking event several times a week - rotary, bank openings, product launches, "meet the new CEO" presentations. Even the occasional C&W dance hall opening, or bar. I give and go to banquets at night constantly, where there are 100s of men present, good, eligible ones. On Sunday I go to all the churches, giving speeches. I speak and schmooz with the military (3 big bases in town), the CEOs, the society matrons. I serve on as many Boards as I can. I even get to wear formals and chic clothes all the time. And I'm not a dog. It's just that I'm in my professional persona as you told me, and that's not appealing to men. I mean picture me getting a 200-person event rolling, giving orders, dealing with the media. That's intimidating, and also not conducive to normal conversation. If I couldn't find a man that way, what about the woman who's buried in an accounting department all day and then goes to SCUBA lessons on the weekends? Now I see the advantages of the Internet. Just need to get my profile in shape. Can you help?

Sandra's story should be written on the Internet dating sites as an ad. Out all the time, dressed to the hilt, competent and beautiful ... and no dates.
The Internet is the primary way to meet the man of your dreams ... IF you kow what you'redoing, and I can show you how.


Let me help you:



  • Choose a photo that works

  • Stop writing the things that turn men off

  • Write for men, not for other women

  • Avoid the 5 words that men will eliminate you for immediately

  • How to write a profile that represents who you are in a way men can relate to

  • How to recognize and immediately eliminate the men you don't want

One-day seminar in Dallas in October. Write me for details. The dating scene really heats up at the holidays, so get yourself prepared. Get ready, get set, GO! Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Thursday, August 14, 2008

When to Hold 'em and When to Fold 'em


When he ogles other women, it's a deal breaker


Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown, 2007), is getting a lot of press, and rightly so. This is a topic of concern to all us daters.


If you read my column or are one of my dating coach clients, you know that I suggest a slow period of getting to know the man or woman you're dating, and that you watch for certain signs carefully early on. One of them is ogling other women.


From today's mailbag:


I've had a couple of dates with this doctor who really rings my bells. He's a handsome Italian guy, owns a yacht, has a great profession, can talk about anything. The only thing that bothers me is the other day we went to the shore and he just got mesmerized over the teenagers in their bathing suits. I don't mean just a glance or two, I mean he was in another zone. In fact I got up and left at one point. Now am I over-reacting to this, like he said I was??? In all my dating years I've never had it happen, so I don't know where to put it. Can you help?


Yes, it's something you should be worried about. In fact to me, it's a deal-breaker. If this is how he is behaving early-on, imagine what it will be like later on. A GENTLEMAN simply does not do this. Yes, we know men are visual and they all like to look, but like you say, it's never happened to you before. Serious men, with serious intent, who are seriously interested YOU, give you their undivied attention.


Do we need confirmation from Santagati? Well here it is:


From the article about Santagati's book, "6 Reasons Why Men Cheat," written by Haynes on lifescript:


[Santagati] suggests you can find out more about a man's dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women....If you can't rein him in when the romance is new, you'll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. "The first three months are critical," he says.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Writing your internet dating profile


"I'd like to date you, but please don't bring your pet boa constrictor along with you in the car."
Writing your Internet dating profile is one of the most important parts. Yes, a photo is essential, but we've all learned that looks aren't everything. The photo is like the introduction. Then you start the conversation.
Eleeta called me and asked for dating coaching. She said she was having trouble even getting an email. I asked to see her profile, and here it is:

[After her interests} ... If you're going to write me, please don't be a wife abuser, an alcoholic or one in recovery, addicted to anything, a control freak, uneducated, elitist, negative, filthy fingernails, someone who doesn't shave on the weekend, fat, on your second bypass, or someone who hates his mother. Also please have more than one "hobby." There's nothing more boring than someone who just lists "opera" for an interest. Also please skip the obvious stuff like movies,
eating out, cooking and travel. Who doesn't? Also I don't want to hear all about your job. That's what you do on your own time. Get it? If you don't 'get it' don't write me. And no winks or canned messages please.

OUCH! What man would even go near something like this?
I know how tempting it is once you start writing to get into the past stuff you didn't like. I once dated a guy who came over and spent an hour alphabetizing the cans in my pantry. (Could I have made that up?) Now when you read that, don't you wonder about ME more than you wonder about HIM.
I know all about this. It's tempting, but don't do it. It comes off like, "I'd like to date you but please don't bring your pet boa constrictor along in the car."
Let me coach you to success. sdunn@susandunn.cc

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Russian Internet Dating Schemes


Russia: Internet Dating Schemes
Since I've been asked to present a seminar in another country, I've been perusing the latest from the State Department.


If you're looking for Russian bride (or groom) on the Internet, their site includes a cautionary tale. The Russian male or female you are corresponding with may immediately ask for money, or a credit card number. Often for a sick mother or relative.



Internet Dating Schemes: The U.S. Embassy receives reports almost
every day of fraud committed against U.S. citizens by Internet correspondents professing love and romantic interest. Typically, the correspondent asks the U.S. citizen to send money or credit card information for living expenses, travel expenses, or “visa costs.” The anonymity of the Internet means that the U.S. citizen cannot be sure of the real name, age, marital status, nationality, or gender of the correspondent. The U.S. Embassy has received many reports of citizens losing thousands of dollars through such scams.

American citizens are advised never to send money to anyone they have not met in person. Please see our flyer on Internet dating schemes

Email me, the Dating Coach, at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I'm here to help you make your dreams comes true, and help you avoid some misadventures on the way.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Act Like a Gentleman in Emails!


Gentlemen, gentleman, where are you manners?

Female clients send me copies of emails men on the Internet sites have sent them that make me blush. It's certainly not the way a gentleman would talk to a lady in person. They amount to the equivalent of an obscene phone call.

There's always been a problem with the Internet, in that some people tend to act differently hiding behind its anonymity.

Do I need to make a list of "don'ts"? Body parts, intimate acts, any locker room talk ... these belong in the locker room, not in an email to someone you are hoping to date.

And guys, it isn't really a turn-on to women to see your bare chest or to see weapons. Yes, I've seen men's profiles on dating sites where they are holding a bow an arrow, or rifle. and even one that was a closeup where the guy was holding two pistols pointed more or less at you. What was he thinking?

There are way too many photos where the guy just went into the bathroom, bare-chested, and photographed himself in the mirror. This is not attractive. A BATHROOM is not the place for a photograph, clothes are needed, there's always a flash reflection in the mirror and the angle is always off ... it just doesn't work.

Guys, be classy.

Get some coaching if you are in doubt, or if your profile and emails don't seem to be working. It can be a matter of a new and appropriate current photo, a turn of phrase, or eliminating a hobby you do alone that isn't alluring. You want to present yourself in the best light, and that means mind your manners! email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I'm here to help you find the partner of your dreams.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

It was too late, I had no choice



Feleeshia writes:

AN EMERGENCY PLEEEEZ HELP ME

From the other (non-private) blog, changed a bit for confidentiality):

Question: i met da guy in the apts where i live for school!!!when i first meet him we talk and we were cool he had lots of chiks in his town and i knew he was abad boy!!anyways he use to come ova so one day we dont know how it happened but we kiss sine than things have progreesed but i knew i wont have him because of his chiks anyways we started faving sex!!so than i realised that maybe he is just using me i told him so and he said that we are not going out we are just friends with benefits!!!i got upset but it was too late i was completely in love with him and i had no choice !!!

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The reality of the genders is that women often 'lose it' at this point, emotionally, while men do not necessarily. Smart girls wait until they know how the guy feels and make sure he is emotionally available before getting invested in the relationsthip.

She continues on for quite a while, and there is a lot of pain. This sort of suffering, letting yourself slop into something without knowing what's going , and the stressful and sad aftermath, can be avoided by putting off sex until you know what's going on.

Ladies, there is always a CHOICE. (Our freedom lies between the impulse and the action - check out THE EQ COURSE. <--- a wonderful investment in your future.)

If you let this happen once, it's for sure you won't do it again, because it feels awful.

The best cure is the prevention. Smart girls get Dating Coaches. They don't have to say "I don't know how it happened."

Friday, August 8, 2008

What Not to Tell




Let's face it. We've all had full lives, and a bit of this and a bit of that. And later on in a relationship, after you get to know one another, it's appropriate to share more about your lives.

Early on, you want to present yourself in the best light. Don't use early dates to talk about negative things about yourself. So you got fired from a job. Why bring it up? There's an explanation behind it, but that's for later on. Or you lost the plane tickets, or set the yard on fire when you were burning undergrowth, or you got lost in your new town and were driving the wrong way down the highway.

These are funny if someone knows you and knows these were one-time occurrences. But delivered just off-the-cuff, your date has nowhere to place them. Anecdotes like that can make you sound like a someone who is incompetent, unemployable, dangerous to live with, unstable, etc.
You're also the person who got an A+ on the certification exam, got emergency plane tickets for the family, has just gotten a promotion at work, and has never had a ticket!
Concentrate on the positives.
P.S. This applies to exes. We've all got them. You don't need to go into it. It's not something to get into early on.

Don't Tease



Dating is a process. It should be slow so you can get to know each other in different circumstances over time. You can find out how they behave when they're tired, what they're like around kids, how they 'travel,' how demanding their work schedule is and how much devoted to it they are, how they treat their mother/father, how they spend their money ... all sorts of things.

More than a couple of dates and each of you is going to be thinking 'marriage.' So don't tease.

Guys, if there's a gift occasion coming up, choose anything but a ring. Because she'll see the ring box and think ... and then, oh my. There are plenty of other jewelry choices - pin, necklace, bracelet.

And ladies, don't inivite him over for an intimate dinner, when you aren't planning to sleep with him yet, and then see him to the door and expect him not to be angry (i.e., frustrated).

Orchestrate things for a nice, steady pace, and for the long haul. And don't tease. That's just not nice.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Breaking up is hard to do


What do you think of this? You can dial directly into someone else's voicemail to leave a message, without the phone ringing.


From the NZ Herald in an article called Break Up and then Hang Up:


The old song had it right: Breaking up is hard to do. But a free new phone service called Slydial might make it easier to get through that and other awkward moments - without actually having to talk to anyone. American service Slydial lets you connect directly with another person's cell phone voice mail, bypassing the traditional ringing process that often results - sometimes disastrously - with someone picking up on the other end.

The founder adds:


"Everybody has gone through the scenario where they've called somebody and just hoped they got voice mail so they didn't have to gave a conversation," he said."Everybody has gone through the scenario where they've called somebody and just hoped they got voice mail so they didn't have to have a conversation," he said.

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I think we'd all agree that's a crummy way to break up with someone, but there can certainly be other dating uses for this service.

Also just for times when you need to contact someone and simply do not have time for a conversation.

You can read more about it here: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/feature/story.cfm?c_id=1501833&objectid=10523025

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What to say about your weight

Oh this is a "loaded" issue if there ever was one.

Recently from clients:


  • I don't have a photo on my profile because I'm fat (woman)

  • He says on his profile that he wants slim women. I'm not and never will be.

  • He says he doesn't want any fatties and he's 5'10" and says he weighs 235, so we could add 10 lbs. to that I bet. Don't you think that's hypocritical?

Solutions:


There are two thrusts here. Men, particularly, have a hard time understanding that appearances change. You know - they marry the woman hoping she will never change. I coach you to take under advisement when the man leads with "appearance," just as I tell men to take is under advisement if she leads with "what's your income?"


This is not necessarily so, but there are strong signals he wants arm candy, and she wants a sugar daddy. When there's so much more to a person and a relationship than what a persons looks like and how much money they make.


Second thrust, if you don't like your appearance, that is something you can change. On your profile and emails, present yourself in the best light, yes, but you might as well tell it like it is. Because he's going to meet you in person eventually. If like, the first woman, you are holding back, like on a photo, because you don't think you present well - then get busy changing that!


Word is - most men won't consider a profile that doesn't have a photo.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Tough Dating Questions


One of the things that comes up when we're dating is the subject of exes. Former dates, lovers, partners and spouses.

How do we deal with this?

Well, the less said the better.

If you were hooked up with a Nobel prize winner or a super model, the person is going to feel like they can't compete. If you were hooked up with a loser, they're going to wonder what's wrong with you, your choices, and therefore, what THEY are doing there.

Work with your Dating Coach to come up with responses that don't get you in trouble from the get-go.

We've all got exes. Maybe it's best to leave it at that??

Contact me for coaching if you would like help with this complicated topic - or others that come up, like:
  • You've been married TWO times?
  • How long do you plan to keep working?
  • Wait a minute ... you've been single 20 years??
  • How come you never got married (at all)?
  • Your marriage only lasted two years?
  • Are you willing to relocate?
  • We live 500 miles apart. The distance is too great.
Everyone's looking. There's a partner for everyone. So call me and get back on track! 817-741-7223, or email to sdunn@susandunn.cc .

If Her Daddy's Rich Take Her Out for a Meal


WHERE YOU TAKE HER ON THE DATE MATTERS

If you get it wrong, you won't even get out the starting gate, guys.

Remember that old song, If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal; if her daddy's poor just do what you feel.

OK, let's dismiss "gold-digger" first of all. If you can't recognize a gold-digger, please call me for coaching immediately. No one wants to be involved with someone like that.

This is a light-hearted ditty about dating, and there's a bit of wisdom in there. Guys, it pays to get it right. If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal. (P.S. Not just ANY meal.)

In the emailbag:

Well he finally called and asked me out. To Barnyard Buffet. Just not my type of place. Shows he's not the right guy for me. Too bad it didn't work out.

How do you tell? Let me coach you. Remember - "In courtship, as in war, there is no way to survive a tactical blunder."

I've talked to hundreds of men and women dating, and I know how to 'read' a profile.

I can also show you how to look for criminal record, cost of their home, etc.

Smart Dating Warriors have a plan, and they use scouts to get information. :-)

P.S. If you're saying, "But I can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant," think again. Asking a woman to meet you at Starbucks on a Sat. morning signals that you are doing the equivalent of mass-mailing a formula-email + wink, to tons of women.

No, you can't afford to take every woman to a nice restaurant. Why would you want to? Be selective and be savvy. It shows. It matters.