The Acid Test of a Good Man to Marry

The acid test of a good man to marry?

Well, watch this video by Daniel Goleman, who wrote "Emotional Intelligence," on Why Aren't We All Good Samaritans? (when we are wired to be) ... in it he talks about a woman who had a simple Dating Test: From the moment they were together, how long did it take the guy to ask her a question using the word "you."

The man she married did is almost immediately.

See video here:

What She Means When She Says ...

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when you are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

When He's Too Immature to Be Dating

YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 6 YEARS OLD AND 48 INCHES TO SIT HERE. OTHER SAFETY RESTRICTIONS MAY APPLY.


From today's mailbag:





Q: I met this guy about a year ago and really fell for him. We had a date. He told me how much he liked me. Then I went over to this guy's house, but nothing happened. Maybe he thought it did and got jealous. Now this guy got mean. He ignores me if I try and talk to him. He says nasty things about me to my friends. Why would he behave this way? What did I do wrong? I really liked this guy.





A: The bottom line here is that this guy is not ready for a relationship. He is too immature.

Our Cruise to Progreso, The Yucatan

Get Ready to Date!!

Here it is folks. You heard it here first.

Today's top 10 searches on yahoo:

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Shania Twain
3. Jennifer Aniston
4. Leryn Franco
5. Tina Turner
6. Online Dating
7. Slumdog Millionaire
8. Prepaid Cell Phones
9. Grocery Coupones
10. CCTV Systems

So get online and get busy. Everyone else is!

For Dating Coaching: sdunn@susandunn.cc, 817-741-7223.

Dating Coaching

How do you find the right man or woman for you?

My dating coaching is intensely PRACTICAL. There are things that work and things that don't.

Here are just a few that apply to anyone who truly wants to find their partner:

1. You have to have a strategy, a plan. I work with you individually on this. You may live on a farm in Idaho, or you may live in a penthouse in New York, or on Perdido Bay in Alabama. But wherever you live there are places to meet members of the opposite sex, and there is also the Internet.


2. You must get active.


3. You must put consistent effort into it. No matter where you live, no one is going to come and knock on your door and say, “Here I am.”


4. You must persevere. Know that word? It means you don’t give up. It’s already taken too long, but once you find that person, you will forget all about how long it took; except that you’ll value them even more. Don’t go out once or twice, or join one Internet site for 6 months and then give up. I won’t let you!


5. Get yourself in shape! (Let me work with you on this.) If you need a new haircut, a new wardrobe, to lose a few pounds, to clean out your car, or spruce up your house/apartment, do it!


6. Same with attitude. Ask yourself, “Would you date you if you were someone else??”


7. Cut people some slack. In most cases an email or two or a date or two is not enough to really get to know someone. The whole thing is to get to know the other person - over time and in different circumstances. Anyone who tells you they don’t get nervous is lying. Remember - I’ve coached and listened to hundreds of people.


8. AND learn who to eliminate quickly. Time is of the essence! Also your safety and your heart. I will teach you how to recognize these. When it happens, move on. And don’t dwell if someone you liked doesn’t return the favor. Move on!!


9. Remember your manners. If you need to brush up on your social graces and etiquette, we will. They work. Call to confirm dates. Show up on time. Apologize if you must cancel. Be polite. Use nice language. You only get one chance to make a first impression.


10. Be fun, but watch the humor. Humor is very tricky. Get to know the person a little bit first or sure enough you’ll tell a joke about a dumb Black Lab, and they’ll own and love one (for instance).


11. Keep the conversation give-and-take. Learn how to "make" good conversation If you're a woman, re-read my list of things men don't like to talk about. If you're a guy, remember women like to talk! Don't talk about yourself the whole time. (Some people tend to do this when they get nervous.) Ask the other person questions. Avoid past relationships, war stories, etc. Listen actively. Show an interest in their lives and what they’re talking about.


12. Exes are “ex” or you’re not ready to be dating.

Most of all, please don’t make that first date like a job interview or a deposition!!

Let me brief you before that important first date -- and the next one, which you'll be sure to have with the right guy and the right dating coach.

That important dating conversation

Plentyoffish posted a list of what men don't like to talk about on a date.

Here it is:

1. Past relationships
2. Other dates
3. Celebrities
4. Religion
5. Politics
6. Antiques
7. Money
8. Fashion
9. Gardening
10. Marriage

So what DO they like to talk about? With appropriate humor, here's a list:

1. Themselves
2. Practical matters (new computer, how to fix a car)
   
3. Their achievements
4. Their problems
5. Business
6. Sex
7. Sports
8. Jokes, playing one-up and boasting
9. Television and movies
10. What's right in front of you - the crowd, the bad waiter, the great parking
11. The weather

Let's face it - we know men don't like to talk about feelings, don't talk half as much as women, and love to talk about themselves.

For tips on conversation topics, email me. Set up a coaching session before that important first date and things will go well!

Safety in Dating

You never know ... so here are some sites that can help you find out more about the many or woman you're considering meeting or dating.

SEARCH PUBLIC RECORDS BY NAME

REVERSE PHONE SEARCH

REVERSE ADDRESS DIRECTORY LOOKUP

BACKGROUND CHECK, CRIMINAL RECORDS

And one of my favorites - THE VALUE OF THEIR HOUSE

Seeking Arrangement? Now There's a Website ,,,

SeekingArrangement ... have you seen the new kid in town. It's a site set up by a former MSFT employee, for Sugar Mommys and Sugar Daddys ... and those who, well want an arrangement.

From the site:

WHAT IS AN ARRANGEMENT

An Arrangement is short for "Mutually Beneficial Relationship" between two people. Such a relationship is usually between an older and wealthy individual who gives a young person expensive gifts or financial assistance in return for friendship, or intimacy.

A COMMON TERM DEFINED

Sugar Daddy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older man who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

According to a video about it, you list what price per month is involved in "the arrangement."

Well, it's pretty explicit what's going on here. Let me know what you think about this approach.

Dating During "Hard Times"

If you're dating, well, it means you don't have a partner, and of course one of the things that helps us stay stabilized is having a partner.

Everyone is worried about the economy and jobs now, the stock market and how President-elect Barack Obama will do.

And now come the holidays.

I have two things for you today:

1. Watch this beautiful and inspirational movie (or cut and paste: http://www.findingjoymovie.com ) and remember that "In the winds of change we sometimes find our direction."

2. Call me for a coaching session. Reduced rates during the holidays, and I keep appointment times available during all holidays. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to schedule yours.

The Top 10 Questions to Ask When You're Dating at Midlife

The Top 10 Questions to Ask When You're Dating at Midlife
by Susan Dunn, The Dating Coach

1. How much baggage is he carrying?

"Baggage" is different from life history. Baggage refers to serious unresolved problems -- an ex-wife he can't get over, betrayal by a business partner that has destroyed his trust, or an untreated depression. Nothing's carved in stone. It matters only if the man is stuck, or willing to move on. (Try referring them to coaching if stuck. Attitude can be changed, if circumstances cannot, as you know!)

2. His emotional intelligence.

My client Melinda was having trouble figuring out what was going on with the guy she was dating who was 10 years older than she was. She assumed someone older was also wiser, which is not the case. A person's emotional age can be much younger than their chronological age. If your intuition is telling you he's immature, he is, regardless of his chronological age. If you're in doubt, one session with an EQ coach can give you valuable information. EQ can always be advanced, BTW.

3. What does your intuition tell you?

Are you getting messages from your intuition? You should be. It's your most valuable guide. Intuition is an emotional intelligence competency. Everyone has it, and it can also be developed. An assessment like The EQ Map will tell you how good yours is, and EQ coaching can help you improve it. Intuition takes up where the data runs out, and we need it for the most important life decisions of the heart. (He may call it "gut feeling.") How will know he's the right one for you? Your intuition. Analyzing the data will notget you there.

4. How are his relationships with the rest of his family?

There are patterns in our lives that keep repeating themselves (unless there is intervention). If his children aren't speaking to him, or if they are calling him constantly and overly dependent on him, there's something wrong. The same things will likely occur in your relationship with him. For instance, if he tells you his daughter "defied" him and he kicked her out, what do you think lies ahead for you when you first "defy" him, I mean have a disagreement?

5. What is his relationship with his mother?

We all know to check this one, but don't overlook it.

6. What do you know about his former wife or wives?

Men are far less likely to change of broaden their tastes than women; in fact they are known to marry the same woman over and over again. You can find out what his "type" is and then anticipate the chances he'll marry you. You can also anticipate where the sore points may lie. Let's say you're dating a physician who has married two social workers, and you're a therapist. For some reason he's attracted to psychological-types, and for some reason it hasn't worked out. That reason why it hasn't worked out needs to be given a long, cold look. (Call a coach!) Unless he is willing to change his way of doing things, you and he will have the same outcome.

7. Where is he in his career?

A man who is ready to retire is often desperate for companionship. If his work has been his "life," it's a time of confusion and fear, and his need will border on desperation for something to cling to. It's not that you'd mind being a "lifesaver" temporarily, it's that he won't know his own mind, and yet will be very convincing. If you're getting a barrage of flowers and cards and he's talking about Fear of Retirement, give it time and look it over carefully.

8. How long has he been single?

My long experience in dating coaching confirms that a man in transition is not a good bet. Occasionally it works out, but not often. If he is "legally separated" or newly divorced, keep your thinking cap on. Men are likely to grab the first woman who comes along (who's willing). Their vulnerability and touching earnestness can make them deceptively attractive. You won't know you were being used until later on. Good coaches recommend their male clients in such a state date several women so as not to "lead them on." Lead them on to what? A man newly divorced is not ready for a new commitment. If you're just looking for a good time, he's your man (thought the ending will still be rough). If you want serious, and you get involved, you're likely to get your heart broken. Check it out with your coach if you're not sure what you're looking at. Men are not as creative in their response to life as women, and the patterns are quite recognizable to someone with experience.

9. What are his finances?

The state of a man's finances at mid-life can indicate patterns. For instance, if he's not been able to commit to a career or to a marriage, divorce takes its toll, and he's likely to be in dire straits financially. There are other reasons too, of course, such as bad luck, or being in field with natural ups and downs, like the stock market, so check it out. The money itself isn't the issue, it's how and why it happened. (The value of money to you is a personal decision). Decide what you want and need in this area, check out his situation, and then find out why he is where he is.

If he's well-heeled and ready for retirement, you will have a high-level problem. Likely he is about to grab a gal and cut loose. Is this you? In other words, what you see is not what you're going to get. If you have ties to kids in the States and he wants to go live in the mountains of Spain or spend a year at-sea on his yacht (as happened to one of my clients - the guy was ready to set sail for 12 months!), you'd best know this as soon as possible so you can make a decision.

10. Why are YOU dating?

In listening to people, and reading the online profiles, we see different points of view. While we assume in our 20s that men and women want the same thing in marriage, interests vary widely at midlife. A man may be impotent, for instance, and just want companionship, or twice-burned and determined never to marry again which might be fine with you, except what it really means is he will never love again. (I wish these men would come for coaching!) He may have his family all gathered around him and be planning to spend his later years playing with the grandkids, or want to live in the Bahamas and travel 6 months of the year. And what do you want? The main thing to figure out is his flexiblity (an emotional intelligence competency). Some people are quite willing to change plans with time, or for a loved one. Others are not. You need to know what you're looking at. If he's the kind who has been in the same profession for 40 years and lived in the same house for 30, and says he will work till he dies and never move, you'd best believe it.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, Founding Member of Coachville, Life & EQ Coach, who can be reached at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or visited on the web. Susan Dunn wants you to know: Offering individual coaching, DATING COACHING, business programs, seminars, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional enhancement. Top-rated coach certification program - fast, affordable, effective, no-residency. Email for information and for free ezine.

Dating Etiquette and the Holidays

Dating takes on a special flavor during the holidays. It's not the easiest time to be alone. Men seem more interested in dating. Everyone is more stressed, and everyone gets more emotional.

Good time to practice your emotional intelligence skills and your dating manners. Here are some tips:

1. Stick to regular dating rules. Keep the first dates short and sweet - an hour or so for lunch; 2 hours for dinner.
2. Resist those extra urges at this time of year to "spill." Yeah you've got memories ... so does he. Stay in the present
3. Speaking of presents, if you're early-on in dating, choose a small gift that isn't too dramatic or suggestion - for him, a pair of gloves, for her a bottle or perfume. For several months, ladies. let him do the giving and the doing.
4. DO NOT GIVE GIFT CARDS. They are worse than no gift at all in a dating situation.
5. Ladies - if your family is giving a big 'do' and you're tempted to ask him to it, remember - he asks YOU to meet HIS family first. No exceptions.
5. Take it easy on the office party. Even people who've been dating a while dread going to their SO's office party. They're work, not fun.
6. If you're just getting to know each other, don't set yourself up by going something too sentimental - like somewher you used to go to with So-and-So, or a movie that's a tear jerker. Keep it light.
7. If early dating, no inviting him over for a cozy meal in front of the Christmas treet. Enticing yes ... but it's too soon!

REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS. It's confusing today and nobody knows what to do? Well, that's why there's etiquette. And Dating Etiquette.

Marilyn was dating. She had 3 teens and 2 fosters kids, law school debts, a new job and was pretty much in over her head. Christopher arrived at her house to pick her up for a date. He said, "I hope you won't mind if you say this. I've been yelled at about this before by other women. I'm just trying to help. It's just that I noticed your tires are low. Would you get mad if I asked if I could fix that for you?"

Marilyn burst into tearsm she was so grateful. Since when it is "rude" to offer to help someone?

Use the real dating etiquette. If the other party doesn't like it, then you
have information."

This means:

1. Mute the cell phone or leave it home.
2. Gentlemen -- Open doors. Hold the chair out at the restaurant table.
3. The man makes the reservations and deals with the maitre d' and orders for the woman after finding out what she wants.
4. The man pays for the first dates.
5. The woman expresses gratitude for each action of etiquette. It is not to be taken for granted. Especially these days. If he goes around to open the car door for you, say "thank you."
6. Thank the man for the date and the lovely evening.
7. Use the old rule - reward what you want more of; ignore what you want to go away. If he does something right, let him know. If he does something wrong, make it subtly clear, hope it goes away, and see.
8. Except for gross improprieties, give each other a second chance.

Let me guide you in your quest for the Love of Your Life. For Dating Coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . I'm attract your dream partner expert for a leading internet site and consistently receive ratings of 10 on knowledge, politeness, timeliness, and expertise.

Where Men Like to Take a Date

Men’s Top Ten Date Picks
Some of these may be a surprise to you!

1. Taking a romantic walk
2. Restaurant
3. Park
4. Cook dinner at home
5. Coffee shop
6. Scenic car ride
7. Stay in and rent a movie
8. Bowling or Playing Pool
9. Live music
10. Comedy Club

source unknown

First Date Stress

Dating and Emotional Intelligence.

I came across an article on arxlove.com called Emotional Intelligence and Dating and it has some good advice.

The writer talks about the first date. Lets say you met online, then did the email, then moved to telephone, and now it's time to meet him or her in person, for the very first date.

Of course it's an easy time for a flareup of nerves. In fact many of my clients call me just before they leave for a last-minute pump up and it's for sure I'd include the point they make in this article:

"...having higher levels of self awareness and the assurance to take charge of things and correcting yourself before the situation attacks you. THIS is what is called being emotionally intelligent."

You can work yourself up into a case of nerves, or something can happen that makes you upset, or both! I can think of any number of things, I'm sure you can too! A run in the pantyhose, knocking your drink over, spilling salad oil on your sill blouse, forgetting your cell phone and that's how you were to locate each other on the Riverwalk, getting caught in traffic and being late. One of my clients broke the heel of her shoe as she entered the restaurant. Another client's boss kept him late in a meeting and he was a sweaty mess by the time he got to the rendezvou.

So you must know how to recover from these things so that you can make the best self-presentation and give this very important First Date a real chance. In the article the scenario is that she was held up in traffic and late. This was the recommendation:

"In such situations, if you are disturbed by something mentally before meeting your date, it is important to gather yourself and collect your thoughts before facing him. Talk to yourself or take a few deep breaths so that you calm down. Even if he seems a bit annoyed when you meet him, your personality should be such that your assurance and warmth as a person just leaves him awe of you. Giving a genuine smile and a warm hug would have completely distracted him and within no time, your conversation would have hit the pleasant grounds!"

Yes, it's about handling your emotions under stress. And what's more stressful than a first date??!!?? Let me help you with coaching. It's no joke that you make a great showing because The First Date is crucial.

It's also important how you handle your emotions AFTER the first date. Yes, it's sad when there isn't any chemistry there, but it's almost worse when you hit it off! You're head is spimning and you do something like leave your purse on the table, try and exit through the wrong door, babble incoherently, reach to give her a kiss and miss your mark, or, like one client told me happened when the guy she met really fell for her -- he drove off the wrong way down the street and she drove past as a cop was giving him a ticket! Talk about embarassing.

For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-741-7223. Coaching by phone, email, IM or in person (in the Dallas area).

P.S. If you're the kind who starts to babble and say things you wish you weren't let me coach you on some opening lines, conversation starters and other ways to get a leash on it and make a great impression!

Have you Ever Terminated an online Relationship because of one of their photos?

BOO!

Q: The question on the Advice Board was "Has anyone ever dismissed a man because of a photo in their profile, I mean besides one with another woman."

A: Since I'm a Dating Coach I can answer that from a broad perspective. Women have described to me terminating contact with men (or not even starting it) because of photos, with words like. But let me begin by saying that men, especially older men, may only have one dressed-up photo of themselves, which is at a wedding, often the wedding of one of their kids, so you see them with a cute young thing. Check it out, don't assume.

That having been said ... I've heard many different reasons, among them:

• Anything obscene or in poor taste. Occasionally one of these will slip by the censors


• He looks like a derelict


• Why would he think I would want to see him chest-bare in the bathroom mirror photographing himself with his own cell phone?


• 5 photos of him on his Harley???


• He's dirty, unshaven, nasty clothes


• Am I supposed to fall in love with his car?


• Too fat


• The stuff on his back porch was disgusting


• All those ______ things on his walls and mantel - I'm not into that stuff (various different memorabilia - we all have our own tastes)


• I won't date a man with a beard/long hair/GQ look/earring/tatoo/Brooks Brother look (etc.)


• I don't like blonds/bald men/brunettes ... blue-eyed/brown-eyed men


• Photo of him in bar with woman draped all over him


• Too tiny for me


• A photo of him surrounded by teddy-bears? You gotta be kidding.


• It's nice he's a doctor, but that shot with white coat and stethoscope smells of ego to me


• Looks like an addict


• Looks like he's had 5 bypasses


• Showed him in his Halloween costume. Gross.


• Photo of him from his high school yearbook 40 years ago. Who cares what he looked like then?


• Looked depressed


• Bad teeth

My personal favorite is the one some man put on his profile of himself with a bow and arrow and that thing with the arrows on his back, out in some woods. And he was dressed not unlike Robin Hood. Wish I could print the photo here.

Folks, the photos you choose to display on your profile make all the difference in the world. Men are primarily visible. Women might give it a chance beyond a photo, but the photos still matter.

P.S. Check out the backgrounds of your photos. Make sure they are things you want to be there. If in doubt, let me help you out. I can help you build a profile and photo portfolio that shows you at your best.

Emotionally Intelligent Questions to Ask When You're Dating

Here are Some Emotionally Intelligent Questions to Ask When You’re Dating or Preparing to Date. (BTW, this is my most requested article on the Internet.)

1. Is it just sexual attraction? Sexual attraction comes from the reptilian brain and is automatic and powerful because it relates to our survival. It’s not a basis for living with someone happily. Don’t let it “hijack” you. Find out what else it there.

2. Does he like to touch and be touched? This is important to your mental and physical health.

3. Does he look at you with affection and kindness? Most communication is nonverbal.

4. Have you used your thinking brain? EQ means using all 3 brains. Are you compatible in your daily habits? You’ll be keeping house together. Do you have the same values and priorities?

5. Does he have emotional self-awareness? How is he at empathy? One of the most predictive traits for compatibility is if you can sense the other’s sadness.

6. How optimistic is he? Optimism is the facilitator of all the EQ competencies. In addition, optimists live longer, enjoy better health, and accomplish more. Can you laugh and have fun together?

7. How resilient is he? How does he manage adverse events and setbacks? Has he been able to GROW through adversity, not just GO through it?

8. How do you and he manage anger? Successful couples soothe one another instead of agitating and escalating.

9. How balanced is his life? Resilient people combine learning, work and leisure throughout their lifetime.

10.Will you be his top priority?

11.Do you feel at ease with this person? If you’re walking on eggshells, or working too hard, it won’t work in the long run.

12.How much does his baggage weigh? (See Chapter 3 of my ebook, Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women)

13.How is his self-esteem? Does he trust you or is he jealous and insecure?

14.Are you treated with respect? Does he treat other people w/ respect? This may be more of an indication for ‘after the honeymoon.’ Pay particular attention to how he treats his mother and his children. That’s how he’ll treat you. Also, does he ogle other women in your presence? This is a bad sign.

15.Is there chemistry?

16.Is he financially stable?

17.Is he mature and emotionally intelligent, interested in making a commitment, and capable of doing so?

18.HOW DOES HE MAKE YOU FEEL?

Where Do the Singles Live?

Yahoo has a great article called Going Solo in the US. Read the whole article HERE.

Some excerpts about information on where singles live:

The most are in San Francisco with 44.7% single.
Next is Detroit.
New York with 39.8 %.
Boston, 39.2% which they also say has colleges, night life, culture, and good jobs.
New Orleans
Los Angeles
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Las Vegas
Miami
Then Albuquerque, at 36.8%

Other interesting points:

Top city with the least singles is McAllen, Texas
Others include Allentown, Pa and El Paso, Tx

Gender Gap

The US has about 6% more single women than single men.

Of interest --
There are more men in San Jose, Ca.
In McAllen, Tx there are 28% more women (the highest).

Cities nearly equal as to gender include Minneapolis, Tacoma, Orlando and Fort Worth.

Dating Success = Marraige

Where do you meet the right person?

I attended a family wedding last weekend. Is there anything more sentimental than the first dance as bride and groom?

The groom, the usual 30 year old, has been dating and looking. His work takes him all over the world. We wondered if he would ever find someone.

He did.

Guess where?

At a bakery in his own small home town. He went in for bread. She was selling bagels. He thought bagels a better idea ... and brought home bagels as well as a date.

Keep looking, and let me help you with Dating Coaching, because action and intent matter, as well as getting out. But there really is no telling when you will meet the partner of your dreams.

Another client of mine just met a great guy at the neighborhood convenience store. "I couldn't believe my eyes," she told me. What if her eyes had not been OPEN. What if she thought - you could never meet anyone at a convenience store.

Keep your eyes and heart open.

Let me guide you. email sdunn@susandunn.cc for Dating Coaching. If you've run out of ideas, let me share some with you!

The Dating Coach Gets Rave Reviews

Susan Dunn, the Dating Coach ... I love my work so much, I volunteer as expert on a major website.

Recently Erin asked me why she couldn't "keep" a man. She didn't have trouble attracting them, but they always left. She asked me what she was doing wrong, and what she should do differently.

Here's how she rated my answer, which the website requests they do:

knowledgeability - 10
helpfulness - 10
timeliness - 10
politeness - 10

Comment - Those 10's are not accidents. I see the boxes and I'm giving her 10's for all of it. Not only did she answer me fast and accurate but she gave me ideas I never even thought of or forgot to write about. She doesn't sugar coat. That puts a film on things that makes it impossible to learn. Excellent expert you have here.

I was also nominated again as volunteer of the month.

No, I don't sugar coat. I figure if you're stuck, my sympathy doesn't help. What you need is straight talk and an action plan. You're paying me for advice that works, and that's what I give. I don't want to "put a film" on things so you can't learn. I don't know anyone who would keep doing something unsuccessful if they were shown a better way to do it! I've had years of experience at this, plus an M.A. in Clinical Psychology, and I work hard to help you maneuver today's impossible dating scene, and find the partner you are looking for.

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call me at 817-734-1471.

You can check out your latest ratings at http://www.allexperts.com/expert.cgi?m=1&catID=844&expID=75760.
Following is the question information:

Is Sarah Palin the woman for you?

Is Sarah Palin the woman for you?

Why am I asking this on a dating site.

Probably like you, I'm on a lot of social email lists - you know where the funnies, videos, and political stuff gets passed around.




And there's a certain group list that just can't get off Sarah Palin - sending photos of her holding fish, dressing moose, etc. with comments like "the ideal woman."

Lets generalize and say there are "types" of women, okay? There's the tomboy, the lady, the intellectual, the arm candy, the mom, and so forth.

When you're perusing the dating sites, or talking to men you meet when you are out and about you need to figure out just what the man is looking for in a woman. I CAN HELP YOU.

Obviously these men sending the emails about Sarah Palin are not imagining going to the opera with her, raising a family with her, helping her weed her rose garden, or snuggling in front of the fireplace with her. They're picturing an activity partner - a woman who will go fishing and hunting with them, camp out, not complain about dirty restrooms, dig the Harley convention and so forth.

Now what are you after? Here are some questions to answer (and to discover about the man you're dating).

Read this list. Ponder. Then let me help you find the right partner for this.

• Activity partner - boating and fishing and skiing with him, no makeup, must be doing ACTIVE things which generally do not involve emotional interchange or conversation. Except for how best to dress that moose, or where the best quail will be.


• Travel partner - not the same thing. You want to take trips a couple of times a year. Could be transatlantic on the Queen Mary, or backpacking in Paris hostel. Your focus, what you live for is to take those trips! You want to see the world!


• Intellectual companionship - you read and learn and discuss, and so does he. Life is about learning and interesting conversation is the best activity there is and the most important thing in a partner.


• Parenting - you want more kids and to raise a family


• Marriage. You want someone to join with you in all ways and build a new life together. For better or for worse.


• Romance! Not at all the same thing. You want the "highs" - the infatuation, the sweet words and constant affirmations, when it's fun and easy and sexually exciting. The intoxication of the "up" side of "falling in love."


• Soul-mate. You tell me what this means! Like Tristan and Isolde, like the people in Verdi's opera, and Robert Browning's poetry. Or like Sarkovsky said (though it wasn't true, and often the things said aren't) - "We will not, indeed we do not know how to part."


• Friends. Lower tone. Pals, buddies. Emotions and sex not that intense and not the most important thing. You know...FRIENDS. Hanging out. Doesn't have the physical-activity thing of "activity partner."


• Affair. You do not intend to get emotionally involved. You do not intend for it to last. You meet infrequently. It's in the moment. No plans need be made and no strings attached.
  
• Sugar Daddy/Arm Candy. It's all about who'se got the toys. You want a rich man who will support you and give you things. He wants arm candy.

How Do You Get Him to Marry You

How do you get him to marry you?



As a Dating Coach, I've worked with a lot of women who were looking for a husband. They may be in different stages of a relationship, but the big question is, "How do I get him to MARRY me?"

A client writes: He moved in about 6 months ago. I don't understand why he won't marry me. I cook all his meals, do his clothes, take care of his kids when he has to work on the weekend and it's his weekend to have them. I've even entertained his mother when she was in town. The sex is great. I just don't get it. He won't even pay half the utility bill or pay for part of the groceries. Why won't he marry me?

The Dating Coach answers: Why would he?

It used to be called "don't give the cow away with the milk." In the situation this woman writes about, she is behaving like a wife in all aspects, so what is the incentive for this man to marry her.

Men who are looking for marriage will usually NOT move in with the woman. They behave differently.

• How do you tell what man is "the marrying kind" and what man isn't?
• How do you know when to cut your losses and move on?
• How can you set it up from the beginning so that if he loves you, marriage will be on his mind?
• How can you attract the kind of man who marries?
• What's the difference between romance, an affair, and dating for marriage?

Let me guide you and be your Dating Coach.

eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's talk. Dating is more complicated than it ever has been. I'm here to help.

How Tidy or Messy is Your Date?

The Dating Coach wants to talk about compatibility today.

Compatibility is what it's all about in looking for a partner you are going to live with, and make a life with. Physical attraction doesn't always go along with this, so be sure and take your time and put on your "thinking cap."

One of the key relationship issues that develops after the 'rush of love' subsides is how you live. We see this in offices as well, between bosses and secretaries, for instance.

When you meet someone, and first go their home and see their car, take a good long look.

From the mailbag:

Dear Dating Coach,

I met this really neat guy. Liked him a whole lot. Went over to his house to watch one of his opera tapes and oh my! His house is immaculate, like nothing on counters, pictures arranged sparsely on bookcase, desk with nothing on it. He doesn't really do anything now he's retired except take walks and trips.

I think if he saw my house he would croak. I work full time, run a home business, have a million interests, chair a board, am always studying something and there are books and files all over. My desk is full. That's because I'm a "visual" filer. I can't put things away and then find them. I've had bosses who could care less, and one who fired me because my desk was messy.

Also I 'live' in my car and it's messy. There's nothing in his.

What do you think the chances are of the two of us together?

Thanks, Sibyll

________________

Well, just reading this, what would YOU say? Could these two find a way to compromise? It's not likely. Could one learn to live with the way the other one does? Does love conquer all?

The Dating Coach - about your profile name

Bozo. How's that for an online name?

Guys, let's talk a minute about what name you choose for your profile on an Internet dating site.

I'm not saying don't be "you," but according to my focus group, here are some names found recently on sites that were very unappealing to women.

oldyarddog
barfly
exboozer
smartoldguy
dixie00dude
charlie54flame
hope_find
buzz25wow
bluewaterdog
hairball
tomcat
wildman
jydgeek
shadow
shifty56
jarhead

Ones they found appealing or neutral:

fortune500smile
happyguy
One4U?
charlie450
bestfriends
198841
141Male
pendletx50
CX8tampa
searching12
maybeso
readyforlove
soul_mate


Let me help you choose a name the will work for you on your profile. Remember, men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears (words, sounds).

Susan Dunn, M.A., Dating Coach
sdunn@susandunn.cc

Dating Coach - Focus Group Results

Are you looking for a partner online?





As a Dating Coach, I'm always gathering new information. I had a Focus Group the other day to find out more. We talked, got online, and I took notes! From actual men and women who are currently on numerous dating sites, I found out the following:





MEN

• Men go to the photo, and back to the photo, and back to the photo.


• They say they read the profile, but they skim itr.


• If it's more than a paragraph, they get irritated.


• Research says the ideal length is about 100 words


• If men "run to type," it is something more than hair color. Men's lists of favorites contained blonds, brunettes and red heads. I could 'glom on' to a "type" but it was subtle. Things more like serious, or fun, or warm, or friendly, or romboy, or classy


• They are truly puzzled by most of the emails they receive. They say they don't know what to do.


• Many, especially men of action, like to write -- Here's my phone number. Call me.


• They don't like to read anything about exes, former bad treatment, or anything negative


• If the woman has no full length photo, they say "something's wrong" and move on.


• From their emails I read, women don't send a lot of 'canned' emails.


• Men refuse to get on a site and look at other guy's profiles, so they miss some information about the competition.
  
• They do the research - they check to see if the woman has looked at their profile or read their email.

WOMEN

• Women read the profile carefully. They don't mind a couple of paragraphs, but a full page is a turnoff.


• They're turned off by men who write emails only telling about themselves and what they like to do. They like a few questions to answer - like it were a give-and-take conversation.


• They are turned off when there are only interests such as hunting, go-karting, car auctions, target shooting, fishing. Especially if there is only one interest listed like (true example) - driving my new car.


• Women carefully look over the entire photograph. They are turned off by junk in the background, bare chests, photos of the man in a bar with a woman draped over his shoulder, unshaven or sloppy clothes, shots they take of themselves with their cell phone aimed at the bathroom mirror.


• They like to see a photo of the guy's house - but it better have a well-manicured yard and no junk or car parts on the patio.


• They are puzzled by the emails they receive.


• They prefer the guy ask them for their phone number.


• Manners matter a lot.


• Women can tell when they've gotten a 'canned' email - same one sent to 100 women.


• Women often peruse the profiles of other women to get information about the competition, and better ideas for writing!
  
• Yes women are really turned off by bad spelling and grammar.

Timing is a problem for both genders. Why hasn't he written me back? Remember that some people are at a computer all day long, while others might only check once a week.

Your profile matters. Let me help you shape up your profile. There is someone for you out there, lets make your profile more appealing. I also help interpret email responses and help you write better ones, ones that work.

The Dating Coach, Susan Dunn. That's what I do. I work with clients all over the U. S.

The Worst Thing a Man Can Write on His Dating Profile

The Worst Thing a Man Can Write on his Internet Dating Profile

I love statistics. They guide us through the maze. They allow us to put probability on our side. My Dating Coaching is full of them, and they incorporate into RULES.

Here's one for the guys:

According to eharmony.com research, 'THE SINGLE MOST COMMON COMPLAINT FROM WOMEN ABOUT MEN'S PROFILES IS THAT THEY ARE MISSPELLED AND/OR ILLITERATE.'

I have seen this on the profiles of men who are CEOs, hairdressers, construction workers, lawyers and physicians.

LET ME HELP YOU WRITE YOUR PROFILE. When a woman looks at a profile like this (this is a real one, details omitted to protect the guilty) - excerpts:

I AM [name),I AM INTO [occupation],DIVORCED,NOW LOOKING FOR A WOMAN TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH.I HAVE ONLY ONE DAUGHTER ... There is not ideal person, and sometimes I can be a little stubborn and forgetful. ... I like to go out to/and: I can drink a good bottle of wine ... and then i decided i send u a message

What are you to make of this? Most women delete it and move on, according to research.

Don't let that be you! Call me about Dating Coaching - 817-734-1471. I'll help you write a profile that represents you and works ... work with you on photos ... opening lines ... etiquette ... review emails with you. I work hard for you to get you the partner you need.

Susan Dunn, M.A.

The Dating Coach

When You Get Rejected (or Appear to Be)

Dear Dating Coach:

3 days ago I got a nice email from this guy asking me out to dinner. It was nice and I was considering accepting the date. Then I went out of town on business. When I got back today, this is what was in my mailbox on the dating site:

YOU missed out on a free meal and good company. But thats ok, by you not responding in any,shows me the type of person you are. At least I could have received a no thank you for the offer. In fact I had even written my sister saying this was the kind of email I liked to get.

What do you think of that? What should I do? -- A Surprised Dater

Dear Surprised Dater:

I think this man doesn't understand the rules of online dating, and also has been rejected a lot - not a good sign. That's quite an over-reaction, followed be unnecessary defensive rudeness.

RULES:

1. Some people spend all day on their computers. Other people might check in once a week.


2. I advise all women to wait at least 24 hours to reply to email or phone.


3. Speed of reply is not an indication of interest or lack of interest. It's personal style. Be patient.


4. Here's how it works. If someone doesn't respond to you (like in a month), or writes they aren't interested, just move on. Don't take it personally. There's no need to make any response to them. There are plenty of fish in the sea.


5. Lastly, gentlemen, ladies are not after "a free meal," they want your companionship, a pleasant evening, to get to know you and have a good time.


6. Doing this is bad karma. Don't ask me why, it just is. What goes around comes around.

What do I think? He HAS issues, and he LACKS manners. You dodged a bullet.

What should you do? Guilt isn't mandatory, just say "no" and reject people who deal it. Delete the email and move on.

Dating coaching - in person (Dallas area), by phone, 817-734-1471, by email. Call me for a free consultation and we can discuss options and plans. Let me help you connect up with the partner of your dreams.

Is This a Good Person to Date, or Not

"If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that's a lot easier than continually getting hurt"

If only people had this skill. It's particularly important for dating.

The fascinating article entitled FRIEND OR FOE, CROWS NEVER FORGET A FACE, IT SEEMS from the NY Times, ends:

Dr. McGowan and Dr. Marzluff believe that this ability gives crows and their brethren an evolutionary edge. “If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that’s a lot easier than continually getting hurt,” Dr. Marzluff said. “I think it allows these animals to survive with us — and take advantage of us — in a much safer, more effective way.”

So how can you tell from an online profile or a first date, who to avoid and who to seek out?

Let me be your Dating Coach. Take THE EQ COURSE and get the edge.

Graboys' Life in the Balance

From a book review, A Doctor Transformed, Into a Patient, By ABIGAIL ZUGER, M.D., about the book, LIFE IN THE BALANCE A Physician's Memoir of Life, Love and Loss With Parkinson's Disease and Dementia. By Thomas Graboys, M.D., with Peter Zheutlin.

From the amazon book review, at age 49, Dr. Thomas Graboys seemed to have the world at his feet, living a charmed life. He was a nationally renowned Boston cardiologist "popular for his attention to the hearts and souls of his patients," married to a beautiful woman. Then his wife died of cancer, and he began to have physical symptoms he could not ignore. He collapsed on his wedding day to his second wife ...

From the review:

His reflections as a husband are more unusual. He courted his second wife while still ostensibly healthy, although privately he knew something was wrong. He writes candidly about this duplicity, and the complicated grief and anger that infuse their relationship now as she faces a future of caretaking far different from the one she signed up for.

Dating ... Duplicity ... things changing ... love and hate ... what you sign up for and what you get ... the things we can never anticipate ... what love is and what love requires ...

Dr. Zuger ends her review with:

This is the kind of book inevitably given to medical students to inculcate them in the humanistic dimensions of medicine. I wouldn't waste it on them. Save it for older doctors, still at the top of their game, gleaming and self-confident. Each of them could use this textbook of the graceful and courageous exit.

Our heart goes out to all ...

Susan Dunn, M.A., Dating Coach, 817-741-7223, sdunn@susandunn.cc

DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR, Sat., October 18th, 10 am to 5 pm in Dallas. Pre-register for 10% discount. $249 per person.

Unrealistic Expectations about Your Dream Partner

THE PERFECT MATE FOR YOU

Well, we are all something - tall, short, heavy, skinny, weak, strong, brunette ... these are physical attributes.

We are also kind, considerate, relationship-oriented, good communcators, honest, faithful, playboys, inconsiderate, flighty, demanding, needy ...

It seems to be hard to us to realize that physical attributes change. I remember a guy in college with the most gorgeous black thick curly hair. He was also so muscular and well over 6'3". Yes, the Big Man on Campus. I met him 30 years late, and he was nearly bald , his muscles had weakened and he had shrunk an inch or two. What remained was that he still used words like "honor code".

You see?

If you fall in love with a passing physical trait, you are falling in love with something that will not endure. (In fact it isn't 'love', it's something else!!) It's like you love black hair, you don't love Fred, who happens to have black hair... and might not one day.

On the short support org blog I found the following. There are many people concerned that they are "short":

Dr. Phil is a CBS talk show in which Dr. Phil McGraw counsels guests in a
no-nonsense manner about their issues.

During a December 2006 episode, he interviewed several guests with unrealistic expectations from relationships. One woman was so absolutely impossible in her demands of men - to the point that her girlfriend practically forced her to attend the show. Dr. Phil was often at a loss for words, eyeing the camera quizzically at several points as she talked, clearly flabbergasted by her negative attitude.

Not only did she demean balding men (right in front of McGraw, himself balding), but she soon mentioned how short men just don't make the grade as far as she is concerned. He looked at her and told her that she herself was short, prompting her to respond "but it's okay for a girl to be short."

What a sick, self-interested attitude. According to her, any short man
is not "okay." Literally, she is worthy of love, but a man of her height? No.

McGraw clearly saw the stupidity in the comment, but he did not pursue
it any further. I wish he had done so, but being a man of well over six feet
tall I'm just glad he was able to spot something wrong with it at all.

Comments from the blog. by Mr, Parma.

What I want to bring out here is

several guests with unrealistic expectations from relationships. One woman was so absolutely impossible in her demands of men - to the point that her girlfriend practically forced her to attend the show

And here's the wonder of the world. In my last dating seminar we went over "lists." One woman had put that she liked short men, like 5'6" she said. Another women frowned and said, "How can you? They gotta be at least 6'2" for me." "Ewwww," replied the first woman.

Well, that's the wonder of the world.

Make your lists of desireable, must-haves, and deal-breakers, I always recommend that; but let me help you with it. There's a lot to learn in dating and searching, and I'm here to help. There's a difference between "standards" (I want a man who is honest in his dealings with other) and "demands" (He must be at least 6' tall and muscular.).

Standards are about relationship and how one lives their life. Physical charactistics are accidents of nature, and have more to do with lust, than love. (See my EQ course to differentiate the reptile brain, from the limbic brain, from the neocortex). You will find it SOOO helpful. Little hint: that hottie that turns you on could possibly be a disaster to marry ( I have listened to the other end of this a LOT.)

I am true romantic and I KNOW there's a pot for every lid!! Let me help you find yours.

Stellar Dating Coach

Susan Dunn, M.A., The Dating Coach

"Susan has an uncanny way of focusing and targeting the optimal strategy of achieving your relationship goals.

If you want supreme direction and excellent service, take it from me, Susan is the most stellar internet dating coach in the world."

Top Qualities: Great Results, Expert, Good Value

First used services: 2006 (multiple times)

Testimonial from: Margaret Loris, The SunHealer

DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR, Dallas, Sat., October 18th, 10 am - 5 pm.

Beautiful facilities conveniently located just 20 mins from DFW airport.

Participation limited. $249 per person. 10% discount if you register before October 1.

email Susan at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Personal dating and relationship coaching internationally by phone and email.

Who is Michael Phelps Dating?

What if you read a dating profile where the man listed for his "interests:"

I’ve got a pretty quiet life. It’s kinda boring. I haven’t got a girlfriend and I can’t do the kind of things all my friends are doing as college students. I swim, listen to hip hop and work on my car.

Think you might pass him up as "boring"? Think again! This is attributed to Michael Phelps spreadit.org Yes, indeed, he "swims."

A lot of men doing interesting and serious things with their lives won't list a lot of interests. Actually, I've talked to 100s of men and women and helped them write and re-write their profiles and a big one is "interests."

From Kareena:

What am I supposed to put for interests? What did I do today?
Listened to come classical music, cleaned house, went over to have dinner with
my son and family and took 3 client calls. What would I do if I had a
neat guy in my life?? That's a totally other thing.

Does Michael have a girlfriend? He's been linked to swimmer Amanda Beard, who denied it; and to supermodel Lily Donaldson, who also denied dating him. Lately he's been linked to gold medal winning swimmer Stephanie Rise.

True?

According to Game On , Phelps always replies:

• Part of my life is kept to myself. I'm able to relax and be with my friends. Those pretty much are the only people who really know the answer to that.
  
  
  Well, the Dating Coach has to say, that the gentleman's response. Used to be that a gentleman didn't "kiss and tell." That's not a bad idea!
  
  Recommendation when your date asks you about previous dates, partners, spouses and exes -- that it be kept to a minimum and that you practice with me suitable responses. After all, it's "history" isn't it? Or you wouldn't be a very attractive date prospect.
  
  Let me work with you on responses to the "trick" questions. That's what Dating Coaching is all about.
  
  If you want a second date, or even second email, it matters how you answer questions ... and also how you ask them.
  
  Favorite woman's profile comment seen this week:
  
  Q: What's your idea of a great first date?
  A: Anything as long as it doesn't feel like a job interview!!!
  
  Answer to "interests"? Ladies and gentlemen, if it's hard for you to write, it's hard for them to write. Give people a long lead until you get a "deal breaker." Kareena tells me she'd love to go to the Galapagos Island, if she had someone to go with. That's a far cry from listening to music and visiting with family!
  
  Photo: wikipedia, common domain

Where to take a date for dinner

MEZZA LUNA, Dallas area (Keller)

What a lovely view. Notice the piano area.

There is piano playing on the weekends. The tasteful floral arrangements. That perfect shade of (celadon??) on the walls, wall and crown molding, with the black ceiling, the white tablecloths. Nothing "franchise" about this place at all.

We're back at Mezza Luna, in Dallas to give you an idea of a wonderful place to take a date for dinner when you're getting to know each other.

We suggest that you not take 15 women to "Starbucks on 377" (women can smell this out, let me tell you), but rather learn (that's what coaching is for) how to discriminate down to a few that really have potential, and then treat them right. Take them out for a nice dinner. Not a huge place, fussy, franchise, noisy, or that screams "I'm insecure".

Mezza Luna features beautifully framed pieces of great art. Dante Gabriel Rosetti is a favorite of mine. Pure romance and class. The lighting is just right. One white candle and a small bouquet of crimson flowers on the tables which have white tablecloths.

The decor is what a woman would consider just right, just romantic enough without being "overkill." And gentleman, there's a great steakhouse down the road which I won't name (and I love their prime rib) that's great for the guys and the food is fantastic, and IT features a wall length mural of James Dean a la GIANT. This might just give you the clue that IT is the perfect place for a BUSINESS dinner.

ABOUT THAT PERFECT DATING RESTAURANT

We're back again at Mezza Luna, in Keller, Tx. (20 mins. from DFW). I know readers of my blog and my dating coach clients live all over the world, but I want you to consider this as an example.

There is a beautiful entryway. Behind the door, between it and the front door is a nice little area where you can wait for your date. There is a bar area, but a lady on her own will probably wish to avoid this.

It all comes together there at Mezza Luna - understated is an important word. Just the right size. The white tableclothes. Nothing franchise. You have to hunt a little to find it, which means you're either a man who knows the town, or you did a little work, both of which women appreciate. And it is just romantic enough. Tasteful.

There are enough options on the menu to suit anyone's taste, and the prices are reasonable. The owner has been there every time I've been there (I take everyone there), and he'll quickly be greeting you, which makes a nice impression.

And I can't help saying, as all the newspaper writeups do -- Don't miss the tiramisu. It's perfecto!

Usain Bolt had a coach, do you

Usain Bolt had Coaching ... Do You?
Coaching isn't just for athletes any more, it's for dating!!

The Olympics news tell us that Usain Bolt has broken a world record, something no one has done before.

The Yahoo teaser continues that Bolt is the first man to break the world marks in both sprints at an olympics. Not even Jesse Owens did this ... we would have thought it impossible.

This reminds me of a woman who called me for Dating Coach several months ago, told me a little about herself, and then added, "I bet you've never had such a hard sell before."

Fast forward - This woman is now dating a wonderful man, after 3 months of coaching with me.

ABOUT COACHING

Since I'm a coach, I went to wikipedia and tried to find out about Usain Bolt's coaches. Wikipedia says,

"Under the guidance of new coach Fitz Coleman, Bolt turned professional in 2004,beginning with the CARIFTA games in Bermuda....He became the first junior
sprinter to run the 200 metres in under 20 seconds, breaking Roy Martin' world
junior record by two tenths of a second with 19.93 seconds.

The following year, 2005, signalled a fresh start for Bolt in the form of a new coach, Glen Mills and a new attitude to athletics. Mills recognised Bolt's potential andaimed to cease the sprinter's unprofessional approach to the sport. TheJamaican surprised even himself with the time but coach Glen Mills remained confident there was more to come. Mills' prediction came true before the end ofthe month when Bolt established a new 100 metres world record in May. He then encouraged Bolt to try the 100.

This is what coaches do! One thing I did for sure with the female client mentioned above is give her a total new ATTITUDE toward dating. That's because I've done a lot of dating coaching, and seen the successes. I KNEW there was a man out there looking for this woman, and that a change of attitude was in order.

One thing is that she tried once or twice and then gave up. What would've happened if Bolt had done that? If his coach had let him do that?

Dating coaching is all about attitude, strategy, and what works and what doesn't, from years of experience.

Let me help you find the mate of your dreams.

Photo: wikipedia commons, author Eckhard Pecher (Arcimboldo)

Is he/she emotionally available?

And if you try to close your heart to them, you will grossly limit your life, happiness, success, and ability to connect with others.

From the emailbag today:

Dear Dating Coach,

This is what he wrote me. What do you think?

Sandra, I don't know who you think you are to patronize me like
that.

All I did was express sympathy at the death of his wife, right after he
filed for divorce. I mean that's got to be rough.

This man is not available emotionally for a relationship.

It's the law of emotions (like physics) that if you stuff down one emotion, you stuff them all down.

There are people attempting to date online that simply are not ready because they have not dealt with "baggage."

Let me help you identify them quickly, so that you don't waste your time. We bless them, and hope for their healing, but it is roller coaster to try and get involved with someone who has not processed a divorce or death or breakup, or other major lif event, for that matter.

Refer them to me for coaching! :-) (in my other field, emotional intelligence)

The EQ COURSE will help you understand how emotions/feelings work and what you can do about it. Many people call it "the missing piece."

I love emotional intelligence. It's my passion. Let me share it with you! email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and let's get to work!

COME TO THE DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR IN DALLAS Saturday, October 18th, 10 am to 5 pm. Beautiful facility just 20 mins. from DFW. email me for more information and discounted pre-registration fee. sdunn@susandunn.cc

What restaurant is right for the first date

WHERE TO TAKE HER ON YOUR FIRST DATE


Today I did reviewed a local restaurant called Mezza Luna in Keller Tx (between Dallas and Fort Worth) that I think is an excellent place to take a woman for a first date.


I don't recommend inviting 16 women a week to meet you at Starbucks. This is like emailing "flirts" or those canned messages. Why not be discriminating, choose those who really appeal to you, for all the right reasons, and give it a good start and make a good impression by taking them to dinner. But not a chain restaurant! That's the ":-)" thing again. Show that you are discriminating. That's what a woman is looking for.


Why do I recommend this one:

• It is easy to get to, and to find. Off 1709, a major thoroughfare, one that's easy to drive, and one that is about midway between Dallas and Ft. Worth.



• It is in a wide, designer type 'strip' center, where the building stands higher than any others there, and the name is on it. Again, easy to find. It stands out.



• There is plenty of parking and no garage to have to mess with.



• When you walk in, there is a real foyer entrance. This sets a nice tone, and there are chairs if the lady should have to wait.



• It is open from 11 am to 10 pm, which gives you wide latitude ... early lunch, lunch, late lunch, cocktails and heavy hors d'oeuvres, dinner, late dinner ...



• There is a pianist there who plays on the weekends. This is a lovely touch as you can request something meaningful, or simply beautiful. I always ask for O Sole Mio. If you know the lyrics of this great Neapolitan love song, well it's what we all want in our love ...roughly translated ... "It's my own sun that's in your face! The sun, my own sun! It's in your face!



• Ask for a table farthest from the piano though, so it isn't too loud for conversation.



• It has white tablecloths. Need I say more? There is a white candle on the table.



• It is quiet enough to be romantic if you like, and to be able to talk; without being intimidating or overdone or "too" elegant for early dating.



• The food is excellent AND is reasonably priced. It somehow makes the right impression. Taking a woman out for a $50 steak is somehow overkill.



• The service is good. You should not have to worry about that.
  
• Like Goldilocks, it's not too big, it's not too small, it's just right.
  
• The menu is Italian, but not so much it knocks you over the head.
  
• And lastly, what smells better than entering an Italian restaurant??

Find a restaurant that sets this kind of tone - Excellent and understated, with those white tablecloths! And where the location is not stressful. This allows you to devote your attention to the important part - getting to know each other.

Do not choose your wife at a dance

This one is for the guys. The Czech proverb above say "Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters." Another proverb is that men fall is love with their eyes ... which is fine, but that is not a good reason to choose a partner for marriage. For Proverbs of the World go to www.susandunn.cc and click the link on the left.

Ah, but you say, we don't plow fields any more, or I don't live in Czechloslovakia, so so what?

Why "in the field among the harvesters" in the year 2008, in the US, the UK, or the Ukraine? Because marriage involves a lot of work. Children to raise, houses to care for, someone to pull the load with you, careers to build, degrees to attain, retirements to fund.

Ah, but that's just for young folks, you say?

We know better than that. When you are choosing later in life, it isn't time to think "retirement" and choose a playmate to go off on your yacht with you. There are illnesses, crucial problems with kids, finances to rearrange, declining health, and more work. Even the yacht has to be taken care of and funded.

Yes, you've saved the last dance for her, and she, for you, but think a little.

As a wise young man named Chester once told me, "Scenery gets old. No matter how good it is."

And as an older, sadder-but-wiser client told me the other day, as he searches again, "If only she had been as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside."

If you are building a life together, it involves work. Choose your wife in a field ...

Let me help you find the partner of your dreams and of your reality. The Dating Coach is here to help you.

DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR IN DALLAS, Saturday, October 28, 10 am - 5 pm. Led by Dating coach and emotional intelligence expert, Susan Dunn, M.A. Beautiful facilities located 20 minutes from DFW airport. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc for information and pre-register at a discounted fee.

How to Win at Dating

YOU CAN WIN AT DATING

"It's tough to do, but you've got to work at living, you know? Most people work at dying, but anybody can die; the easiest thing on this earth is to die. But to live takes guts; it takes energy, vitality, it takes thought. . . . We have so many negative influences out there that are pulling us down. . . . You've got to be strong to overcome these adversities . . . that's why I never stop." - Jack LaLane

The Dating Coach is here to help you keep after the good things in life. It's easy to give up. But not with me as your Dating Coach.

I've helped many people to success. Let me help you. sdunn@susandun.cc